Just An Egg
by gilmoregirl913
Summary: AU, preSeattle. Addison gets pregnant, but Derek's reaction is the last thing she expected. Addek eventually. Rating for safety.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Just an idea I had. I hate Derek; I think he's a jerk, except when he's truly happy with Addison. I like Addison, and always end up feeling horrible for her because of what Derek did. **

**AU, back in Addison/Derek's 10****th**** year of marriage. No Seattle, no Meredith, no affair, just Addison and Derek trying to work things out. Derek's a jerk. Oh wait, that's just normal. **

Addison was rarely giddy. Years of studying and being mocked had caused her to miss the teenage years when all she should've cared about was wearing the right lip gloss or dating the right guy. When she should've been giddy. Derek had once jokingly told her she didn't know how. It might be true.

But walking onto Derek's floor Addison was giddy. Like someone who just got her first kiss. She and Derek had been in difficult times lately, but hopefully, this would change it all. Hopefully this would change his opinion and maybe he'd come home more than once a week.

She found him making his rounds, and pulled him off into a room.

"Jesus, Addison, what?"

Addison pulled the papers out of her bag. The pictures. Derek looked down at them. "You're, pregnant."

"Yes." Addison smiled.

"But, we can't have a baby. I'm getting at the top of my game right now. This isn't good. Oh my God. This isn't good."

Addison's face fell. But Derek was too preoccupied with his thoughts to notice.

Derek eyes flicked upward, meeting with hers. "When did you go off the pill?"

"Two months. I told you that. Remember? We decided that we would try. We're getting older and older, Derek. Don't you remember at all?"

Derek shook his head. "Can't you have an abortion?"

Addison felt the tears hiding behind her eyes leak out. "Derek, it's our child you're talking about. Our baby."

"It's just a fertilized egg. Just an egg, Addie. Maybe we can have a baby in a couple years."

"Derek, you said that a couple years ago. And a few years before that. I'm sick of waiting. I want a baby. But I've been on the pill for years. And I've wanted a baby. I'm a freaking OBGYN, for God's sakes. Do you think I'm one because I hate babies? Do you?"

Derek walked out of the room. Addison slid down against the wall and felt her composure crumble. He didn't want his own baby. He wanted her to abort the baby. Addison wasn't going to. Even if it meant, even if Derek didn't support her, even if Derek left her, or if she had to leave him. She was having this baby.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Mark heard sobbing coming from a room to his left. It sounded so familiar, almost like…Addison. He opened the door and saw her red hair, crumpled.

"Addie, what's wrong?" He walked over toward her, preparing for the worst.

"I." She breathed deeply, regaining air. "I, I'm pregnant."

"Why, Addison, that's great! Why are you crying?"

"Derek doesn't think so."

"What do you mean?"

"He…he…he wants me to get an abortion."

"Don't, Addison, don't. He's just having an off day."

"Don't defend him. He's different and you know it."

Mark sat there next to Addison and nodded. He knew it was true. And it hurt that it was.

**A/N: More a prologue than anything. Derek's an ass. Oh well, that's just how live works. (I'm very bitter towards Derek, he's an indecisive jerk who leads everyone on.) **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I never love Mark, but usually when he's put next to Derek he looks a heck of a lot better than Derek. But this will, one day, become Addek. Derek just has to turn completely around. **

**And thank y'all for reviewing, I'm glad you like it thus far. **

Mark stepped into the dim office and waited for Derek to finish speaking to Dr. Brannan.

"So you can do it Thursday?"

"I can do it tomorrow, for you."

"Excellent, thank you Dr. Shepherd. I knew you wouldn't let me down." Dr. Brannan shook his hands and walked out of the room.

Mark strode up to Derek, hands in his pocket.

"Mark. Nice to see you, stranger."

Mark didn't smile. He stiffly shook Derek's hand.

"What's wrong? Get dissed by another hot nurse?"

"Derek. I heard about Addison. What is wrong with you?"

Derek shook his head. "I can't do a baby right now, Mark."

"What the hell do you have to do, Derek? You've got almost 8 months to prepare yourself. Addison is the one carrying the baby around. The one who'll need love and support from her husband. Not a husband who tells her to get an abortion."

"I have to raise and teach the child. I'll have to deal with a pregnant Addison."

"Maybe you'd go home once in a while."

"I go home plenty."

"Once a week."

"Mark, I'm at the height of my career. Addison understands. She knows that if she wants to keep our house and lifestyle, I need to make money."

"She contributes just as much, if not more, to your funds. And if she understands, then why does she sit on the couch watching movies all night, leftover dinners strewn across the table, crying?"

"You've been to my house."

"Damn right, I have, because her husband hasn't."

"So maybe the baby is actually yours, then."

"Derek." Mark's voice was cold. "She wouldn't cheat on you. I haven't taken advantage of her. She still loves you. For God knows what reason."

"Can we talk about this later?"

"When? When? For God's sakes, she gets pregnant and you ask her if she'll have an abortion, Derek. She wants kids. Little kids to run around and call you 'Daddy' and love you unconditionally. What kind of self-respecting person asks that kind of question at that wonderful announcement? What person at all asks that at all? Ever? How self-absorbed are you that you'd even think of such a thing?"

"That's between me and my wife, Mark. This discussion is ridiculous. Addison knows how to talk. She can talk to me."

"When? You're never home. When can she talk to you?"  
"This discussion is over."

"You're a disgrace to men everywhere. And I thought I had that title." Mark spun on his heel and walked towards the door.

"Wait, Mark, would you be able to take Addison to the benefit dinner tonight? I have a surgery I need to do."

Mark sighed and resisted the urge to punch Derek in the face. He nodded and left, slamming the door behind him.

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"Addison, congratulations! Are you thrilled?"

Addison nodded and smiled. She had used the benefit that night to officially announce her pregnancy. She had figured that now Derek couldn't pretend it didn't happen; that it was a fluke.

"So, Dr. Shepherd, you must be thrilled for your wife?"

Mark grimaced. "I'm actually just her escort for the evening. Her husband, Dr. Shepherd, is in surgery and asked me to fill his place. But I am thrilled, as one of their very good friends."

Addison was doing her best to keep her serenity. She had been disappointed Derek couldn't come tonight, but then again she hadn't been to an event like this with Derek in nearly six months.

Eventually, so many people asked Mark if he was excited as a husband that he stopped explaining and just expressed his excitement. It was no use to explain it, Mark was more happy than Derek would've been.

_"Can't you have an abortion? It's just an egg." _Addison heard his words in her head that entire night. Eventually, the benefit was over and Mark drove her home. The lights were off; Derek was obviously not coming home, again.

"Addie, I'm so sorry Derek's being such an ass. But congratulations. I know you'll make a great mother."

He kissed her quickly on the cheek before shutting her door and getting back into his car. Addison walked up to her door and let herself in. She showered and crawled into bed, alone again. She felt the tears fall out of her eyelids. Derek didn't want her baby. Their baby. He didn't want it. She felt like rejected trash and her body began to shake with tears.

She didn't hear the front door open; she didn't hear Derek walk upstairs. She didn't hear him pull off his shoes and change, or crawl into bed next to her. It was only when he began to speak that she heard him. The one night she didn't want him home, the one night she assumed she could have everything to herself, he came home.

Derek heard the hurt in her tears; he saw the hurt in her face. A baby. He should've been happy. But he wasn't. He had assumed that they weren't having children now, that their time was past. That their marriage would consist of the same things it had these 10 years.

"Addison, I may have been out of line when I said that you should have an abortion. But it's something to consider. You and I are so busy now; we don't have time for a baby. We don't have time to raise a child."

"We don't have time? We don't have time? What is that? Derek, you may be fine forever, but I'm not always going to be able to have a kid. I'm running out of time. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what this baby could've been. I don't want an abortion. Do you remember what you told me on our honeymoon? You said you wanted to have kids with me. Well, here's your baby. And you're treating it like garbage. I expected nothing less."

"Addie, don't start."

"Don't start. Me, don't start? No. Don't call me Addie. Derek, everyone knows I'm pregnant. I told them tonight. So we can't brush this off now. I can't get an abortion."

"Why'd you tell them? We never discussed it. I'm married to you Addison."

"It's my baby. You just contributed. It's my body. I'm having this baby."

"You're being selfish."

"Damn right I am."

"I can't stay here."

"No, you can. I can't. My life for the past 2 years has been sitting here alone, hoping and willing you to come home. To kiss me and take my breath away. Do you remember when you and I would skip work to just stay in bed, all day? You used to know how to do all of that. Now you kiss me only when I've kissed you, you have sex with me only when I start it. You're not the guy I married. You're not the guy who proposed to me in the pouring rain, and the guy who was so flustered he forgot the ring. The guy who took me to Florence for our honeymoon. I want that guy back. Not the jerk sitting next to me in bed. You asked me to get an abortion. What the hell is your problem?"

Addison picked herself up and shoved on shoes and a coat, slamming the door behind her. Derek heard her car start up and her zoom away, and for the first time he was the one sitting alone and she was the one gone and away.

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Addison drove recklessly, tearing through New York at top speed. She knew she was one of a handful of New Yorkers who actually owned a car; and usually she drove it proudly. Now, she didn't care and just sped, wanting to get away from Derek as fast as humanly possible.

She found herself in front of a hotel in the middle of New York. The city was abuzz, even at 1 in the morning. She had her car parked and checked in, getting a large suite with a view. She was wearing her pajamas and shoes that didn't match, but she didn't care. She just needed to be alone.

Twenty minutes later Addison was crying herself to sleep yet again, feeling herself crumble. This wasn't her. This wasn't what usually happened to her. This was not her. She was so strong and independent, everyone told her so. She knew how to hide everything that went wrong in her life. But today, which had started in excitement and joy, was ending in tears. And it was Derek's fault.

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Derek fell asleep quickly, hoping that sleep would heal both of them. He didn't understand why Addison was so upset. So he said he didn't want to have a baby. Plenty of couples didn't have kids, and were perfectly happy. He and Addison could be one of them. Addison did want kids. He knew that.

But Mark couldn't call him out like that. Addison was his wife. They had been married for 10 years. Ten years of being married to each other. The first five years had been wonderful. They had married and gotten a house together and made all sorts of wonderful plans. They would vacation often, but work all the same. In the last five years though, they had just gotten distant with each other. That wasn't horrible. Just hard. They both got so busy with work and Derek was coming home less, but he figured the same was true for Addison.

And it wasn't that he didn't love his wife. He loved her with every part of himself. He never showed it, but it was true. Even though he missed everything she went to, he still loved her. She was his wife, he loved her. But he just couldn't handle a baby. He was 40 years old. Addison was 38. Their kid would always be the one with 'old parents.' They were past the age. And yet Addison had gotten pregnant.

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**A/N: So I just rewatched Season 2 in the past weeks and it made my hate for Derek grow stronger. I didn't think it was possible.**

**Anyway, I'm thinking the next chapter will be fast-forwarded a few weeks into the future. Derek's still a jerk. Addison's still pregnant and angry with Derek. And Mark's still…Mark. But I change my mind a lot, so that could change. **

**Oh, and I know 38 isn't that old to have a baby; my mom did, and my grandma had one at 43. But for the ****first**** baby, it's a little bit later than, say, 30. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Screw it. I am serious. I might just have to stop watching Grey's Anatomy. Or at least, only watch season 1 and 2. Because I hate Derek. I hate him. I tried rewatching it. Season 3, I mean. I really did. I kept an open mind this time and thought 'hey, maybe I won't so deeply hate of Derek this time around'. But no. I'm on the ****second**** episode and I'm already thinking up ways to kill Derek. He's treating Addison like crap and making fricking googly-eyes at Meredith, talking about how 'his home was wrecked before she came' and whatever the hell else. And then the whole 'you deserve much better, I feel terrible' bull he feeds to Addison at the end. And he feels better about sleeping with Meredith because Mark was there? What the hell? Addison was trying, and then she gave up when Derek finally broke. Derek had never been trying She slept with Mark because she felt like and just needed something to forget the ass that is Derek. I just need someone to punch him. Please? I'll give you cake. And coffee. Or coffee cake. Your pick. Someone just needs to slap him across the face.**

**I obviously cannot watch season 3 at all. **

**Meredith can just wallow in her misery. She can be dark and twisty with herself. She can't wreck Finn, I like Finn. Finn's so nice. Too nice for Meredith. She can wreck Derek, but Derek's such an ass he doesn't deserve anyone. And he's already so wrecked that he can't wreck anyone else. He destroyed Addison. He can curl up in a dark corner forever, for all I care.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned the show, it would take place in New York a few years earlier. When Addison had the affair, Derek would stop being such an ass and realize that she missed him and he'd stay and they'd find a way back into love and live long, happy lives, free of anyone named Meredith Grey. So I don't own the show. Obviously. **

**Oh, and all anger about Derek aside, I love you all for reviewing!**

"Mrs. Bolet, I'm very happy to say that the surgery was successful. However, due to the shortness of your pregnancy, we have to keep your baby here for a few weeks, just so we can make sure that it's really healthy."

Addison stepped out of the small room and into the crowded hospital hallways. She had been called to Raleigh to do a surgery of a baby that was months early and had heart problems. Getting away from Derek was also a nice gimmick. He had not apologized in the seven weeks it'd been since she'd announced to him her pregnancy. He spoke in snide, mocking tones. He joked about her morning sickness and food cravings in the rare times he was home.

And in spite of all this, in the six times he had bothered to come home, he hadn't slept in their guest room, or downstairs on the couch. He had slept in bed with her. Granted, they were on opposite sides, but she was still inches from him.

Addison still loved him just as much. Sure, he could be a self-absorbed bastard, but she loved him. She didn't understand why, when all he did was make her feel horrible, but she couldn't bring herself to leave him. She couldn't wait to go to Raleigh, but she found herself missing him all the same while she was there. She knew she missed the old Derek a lot more, but she couldn't hate this one. She thought it'd be easy, but it wasn't. Her emotions confused the hell out of her.

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Kathleen Fuller tapped on the door and waited for it to be opened.

"Kathleen?" Derek stood confused in his office.

"Derek. Nice to see you."

"What are you, why, what's going on?"

"I'm your sister Derek, aren't I entitled to just show up randomly?"

"Well-uh, yeah, but you of all of us Kathleen, you are the least likely to just "show up". Usually you call weeks in advance."

"Fine. I'm here on Nancy's orders. She'd be here, but she can't. Some work thing. Anyway, she just wants to check on you. It's been six months since any of us have seen you or Addison, and she feels bad.

"I-well, we're, doing fine. Addison is actually in Raleigh right now, some surgery. I have been doing well, I'm about to take on a few more clients and that will be good."

Kathleen smiled. "That's good."

A pause hung over the room while Derek fiddled with his wedding ring. Kathleen watched him sharply, her eyes glaring at the ring.

"And how are you?"  
"I'm doing well. Carson and I just took off to Fiji a few weeks ago; you should've seen the looks on Eddie and Martha's faces. Lots of fun, great food. Martha had her sweet sixteen party in April. She wanted a car, but besides you and Addison, who actually owns a car in New York City? Eddie had his promotion to the ninth grade. He's off at football camp right now. Carson is working on some new chemical formula for making stronger rubber for tires; it all flies over my head, but he seems pleased."

Derek nodded.

Kathleen continued. "Nancy and Margaret and Renee are doing well, all their kids are great. I would say more, but honestly, I'm meeting my friend for lunch in about half an hour. Seeing as this place is fifteen blocks away, I think the taxi will take around that long." Kathleen gave him a quick hug and stepped out of the door.

Derek didn't mean to, but he let out a sigh of relief when she left. His sisters checked on him often, but he was afraid Addison had called them about the baby. He was surprised she hadn't, but brushed past it.

He was still mad at her. She had gotten herself pregnant and he hadn't agreed. He remembered a noncommittal grunt when she told him she was thinking about going off the pill, but it was exactly that: noncommittal. Addison had always tried to get him to have dinner with her when she was home, and they would have sex around once or twice a month. It wasn't great, it wasn't even that good, but it sufficed and covered that requirement, in Derek's mind anyway.

Since Addison was 12 weeks pregnant, that put her conception on the week of March 12. Derek, surprisingly enough, remembered that one. They had gone out for Italian food at Bella Buca's and had both had one too many glasses of wine. Enough to be in their right minds, but not enough to remember the anger that they felt toward one another. Consequently, they had some of the most wonderful sex either of them had had in a long time.

Of course, the next day, Derek hadn't come home and everything had returned to normal. But that one night changed both of their lives, it seemed apparent. A baby. A baby. Derek knew it wasn't possible. He didn't want a baby. But he felt guilt creeping around him. He knew he was being horrible to his wife. But he couldn't apologize. He didn't want this baby. She did. It was her responsibility. Not his. He was holding his ground, just as Addison was holding hers.

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Addison heard the clank of her keys as they hit the marble. She had already put her suitcase in the laundry room, so that she could eventually wash the clothes. It was nine, and Addison had the whole day to herself. She looked at her growing stomach, and decided that new clothes were in order.

Half an hour later she was seated in Marella's, looking at different colors of the same shirt.

"Addison!"

Addison whipped her head up. Nancy stood in front of her, arms laden with shopping bags. Nancy was Derek's oldest sister, and even though she was Addison's senior by almost ten years, the two got along wonderfully.

"Nancy!"

Addison stood up and was about to give Nancy a hug, when Nancy gave a quick yelp.

"Oh, my God. You're pregnant!"

Addison grinned, sheepishly.

"How far along are you?"

"I'm in my thirteenth week."

"Oh my God. I can't believe this. I swear, Kathleen was just at Derek's office last week. He didn't say a thing. Probably wanted you to tell us. Anyway, this is great. So you're due…" Nancy paused for a moment, doing quick math, "mid-December?"

"Yeah. December 17."

"Oh my God, a Christmas baby. So I'm sure Derek is just through the roof. When he was ten he declared he wanted six kids. Meg beat him to that one. I don't know if he's ever forgiven her."

"Oh yeah, he's, uh, thrilled."

"I can't believe he didn't tell us. Oh my goodness. We're going to all have to get together and we can scare every good thought about having kids out of you and give you old baby clothes and oh-all of our mothering books. God, I must've bought about a hundred when I was pregnant with Jackie. Now, look at her, she's at Cornell. Anyway, back to you. Have you bought clothes yet?"

"Nope. I haven't really thought about it."

"Well, let me tell you, clothes shopping with Derek will probably be very entertaining. I mean, not even that, but a crib. Oh my God. You two are going to have romantic arguments about the crib and the color of the walls and everything. Derek's such a girl at heart, so he'll get just as into this as you will."

Addison murmured something and shrugged.

"You don't think he will? Oh, come on Addison, he will. I mean, what did he say when you told him?"

"He was, worried, about time and money and stuff, and-" Addison paused, and decided that revealing Derek's reaction would only put more stress on their already strained relationship. "He promptly started talking to my stomach."

"See, he'll love it. I'll call him right now. To yell at him of course. God. 13 weeks and not as much as a phone call. I oughta kill him."

"Nancy, I'm sure he's-"

But it was too late. Nancy had already punched in his number and was waiting for the ringing to stop.

A few minutes later, Nancy snapped her phone shut. "He's meeting us at Olive Terrace for lunch in an hour, and he managed to get out of one of his surgeries to go shopping with you this afternoon. I'd love to come, but it's your baby and I have to go to Laura's soccer game. But come on, we can get some clothes for you in the hour we have.

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Derek and Addison sat uncomfortably next to each other while Nancy chatted on, talking about baby stories and room colors. Suddenly, she stopped talking.

"Are you two going to find out what it is? I mean a boy or a girl? We didn't find out Jackie, but we did with Laura and Noah. Now, Meg never found out any of hers, and Kathleen found out both of hers. Renee found out the first one, but not the other two. We're all different. Personally, it's very fun to know and prepare that way, but there is the suspense of not knowing until it comes out."

Derek wiped his mouth with his napkin and shrugged. "It's all up to Addison. I'd love to know, but it's her choice."

Addison gaped at him. This wasn't the Derek she was used to. She gave Derek a look. "Excuse me, Nancy; I think Derek and I need a moment to discuss this."

Nancy stood up and excused herself to the bathroom. Addison turned to Derek.

"So what was that?"

"I was just saying that I'd love to know what this baby is."

"Derek, you haven't acknowledged the baby. Why the hell do you care?"

"God, Addison, she asked me a question, and I lied. So sue me. I mean, isn't it pretty damn pathetic that you have to get Nancy to call me so I'll go shopping for stuff with you?"

"I didn't have her call you. She called you of her own accord. You want to ask her?"

"Nope."

"Derek, where are they?"

"Where are what?"

"Don't play stupid. The divorce papers. Stop waiting to give them to me. I know, for some inexplicable reason, you hate this baby, and you hate me. Don't "see me through the pregnancy" and then leave me. Just leave now if you're going to. I don't want you to sit around, hating me. I love you Derek. I am an idiot to still love you. I'm an idiot to be putting myself out so much. I'm Addison. I don't do this. But I am. I'm here. In New York. In the middle of a restaurant. And I'm talking about how much I love you, even though you told me to have an abortion. I can't do this anymore. Just leave me if you're going to. I don't want to be the wife you're stuck with because I'm having a baby. I'm so much stronger than that."

Addison left the restaurant, avoiding Nancy's tear-stained eyes behind her. Nancy strode up to Derek and slapped him, grabbing her coat and purse.

"You know Derek, I thought something was up, but I never thought that you, or anyone, could act so horribly toward one single person. Go away. I don't want to see you. I don't know what happened to you. I've never been so disappointed in my life.

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**A/N: So I don't like this chapter that much. Too much jumble. But I need to get it written. Nancy's words are going to kick Derek in the rear. He's still self-absorbed. Still an ass. The coffee/cake/coffee cake offer still stands, by the by. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So Derek gets to be mad at Addison for staying with Mark for 2 months after he left, while he runs off with Meredith. I'm not saying Addison didn't do anything wrong. The affair was ****wrong****. I'm not claiming it's not. Addison having Mark stay, that was wrong too. But Derek getting all mad at her and saying he never wanted to see her again? Completely unjustified. He was sleeping with Meredith at the same time Addison was sleeping with Mark. Like she said, she was trying to justify Mark as something more than a fling. Not that it's right, but her husband of 11 years runs out the door and expects her to…what? Just pretend like nothing's wrong. He took a ****job**** out in Seattle. It would seem he wasn't coming back. But he expects Addison to stay exactly the same. Goodness, I hate that man. (And if you haven't figured it out yet, I usually write a chapter as a way to get my anger out after I watch an episode of Season 3.)**

**Anyway, I just miss them so much. Even if Derek hadn't given Addison a chance, I still would've loved them. They just have so much, even without saying it. However, I didn't hate Derek until I found out he had a wife and he treated Addison horribly while she tried. I can't watch Private Practice yet, because then when will we get an Addek reunion? Hmm? I live in constant denial.**

**Two final things:**

**Derek's voice. It bothers me. It's too soft and flighty and not manly at all. Is this just me, or is it anyone else?**

**Wedding rings. Addison wore hers until the bitter end. Derek never wore his. It makes me sad.**

**I love you all for reviewing, and for offering to punch him. I would, but I'm generally not a violent person. I would reply personally, but I think you all just want to get on with the story. I've rambled enough. **

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Addison heard the ringing of her phone for the third time and the display flashed the same. It was Nancy. She quickly hit ignore and focused on the road ahead of her. She had snapped. She had yelled at Derek in the middle of a restaurant, in front of his sister. But he couldn't do this anymore. If he didn't want to be her husband, then she didn't want to be his wife. It was a lie, but it seemed that it was all she'd been doing lately. Lying to help Derek.

And why? Addison had no idea. She just kept lying so people wouldn't see Derek for what he was. And now, she was done. She wouldn't do it anymore. She didn't care what people thought of him anymore.

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Nancy sat in the back of the cab, trying to call Addison. She wasn't picking up, and Nancy could understand why. But it didn't mean she wasn't trying. She finally gave up and called Meg, who she hoped would call everyone else, so that Nancy didn't have to.

"Meg. Hey. It's Nancy."

"Hi. Is something wrong?"

"Derek's an asshole."

"Wow. Okay. Uh, why?"

"Addison's pregnant."

"And that makes him horrible?"

"No. Addison being pregnant is great. But when Derek found out, he told her to have an abortion."

"What? You're not serious."

"I've never been more serious in my life. We were eating lunch because I met Addison at Marella's today by surprise and found out then. I called Derek and he met us for lunch. Then they talked while I went to the bathroom and I come out to Addison talking about how she was just waiting for the divorce papers because Derek hated her and the baby and it all came out then."

"I do hope you set him straight."

"Well, I slapped him and basically told him he was a horrible person."

"Good. I can't believe he would say such a thing. What has gotten into him?"

"I wish I knew. Anyway. I have to go."

"Not a problem. Oh my God. I just don't want to believe this."  
"Well, we have to."

"How's Addison holding up?"

"I can't get a hold of her. I'm trying though."

"I'm calling Mom and Renee and Kathleen. When you find Addison, just let us know. Get her home, make sure Derek stays far away, and get her settled with some movies or something. Then just go. Just let her be alone. Got it?"

"Yeah. I'll talk to you later."

Nancy hung up her phone and tried Addison again. Still, there was no answer. She got out of her taxi in front of the Brownstone, and walked up the front steps. She rang the doorbell several times. She kept hitting redial on her phone. Still, there was no response.

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Derek quickly paid and walked the twenty blocks back to the hospital, not bothering to take a taxi, as he needed a moment to clear his head. He stepped onto the elevator as his phone rang. Since his caller ID was broken, he took a deep breath and picked it up.

"Derek. It's Renee. They told me not to call you, but I don't really care. You can not talk. Fine. But I want you to know that you're an ass. I never thought that my baby brother could be such an ass. I never thought anyone could, really. I can't believe this."

"Renee, I-"

"Shut up. I just want you to know that Addison's gone. We can't find her. It's only been like an hour, so we're not sending out a missing person's report or anything, but if for some unknown reason she comes by you, let us know. Other than that, I really don't want to talk you again except if you to do a few things, in this order. The first is that you realize what an ass you are and stop being a self-absorbed jerk. The second is that you come back and beg for Addison's forgiveness. And I mean beg. You'll have to put on a freaking show to make her take you back, you lousy scum. I would've left you long before this. The third is that you ask for ours. Mom's on a rampage, she can't believe any of this. Nancy's broken apart. She only thinks highly of you. Now she doesn't. None of us do. Other than that, have a nice life."

Derek heard the dial tone after a few moments, stunned. Renee had always been the quietest of all his sisters. Never outspoken. She had always been studying, and hadn't dated anyone but her husband. She confessed to Derek that her first kiss was her wedding kiss. She had rarely argued with their mother, and was always the peacemaker. And here she was, getting so loud, outspoken, and opinionated.

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Addison kept driving. She considered going back home, but she knew that one of Derek's sisters would be there. She couldn't go into work, because she had absolutely nothing to do. She finally drove to the place that began it all.

Addison stood in front of the hospital where she had done her inthernship. She walked in; avoiding the nurses questions, and snuck around to the back where the lecture hall was.

_"Hey."_

_"Hey."_

_"I'm Derek. Derek Shepherd."_

_"Addison. Addison Montgomery."_

_"Are you from around here?"_

_"No. I grew up in Connecticut. Went to UVA, like my parents. I was convinced I was going to be a lawyer just like them. Then I decided a doctor was better for me. I attended grad school there too. Are you?"_

"Born and raised. I went to UPenn and came back here for grad school."

_"I see."_

And then, from there, they had become fast friends. Eventually, Derek asked her out to dinner. And from there, they got engaged, and married. It had all started here. Addison hadn't known that day that she would ever get in so far with Derek. That now, she would be here, thinking over her marriage. She looked at her wedding ring. It was gold, with tiny diamonds in the top. Derek had been so afraid she wouldn't like it, as he had insisted on picking it out. She twisted it around her finger, and it slipped off into her hand. But her hand felt too bare without it, unless there were white gloves on her hands, so she slid it back on. And then she turned around and headed back home.

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Nancy was waiting on the steps, talking to her mother, Mrs. Emily Shepherd.

"Mom, I know, I can't either. Do I think their marriage is over? I don't know. Addison still loves him, Mom, she still loves him. God only knows why, and I'm not using that lightly. It's if he loves her. And if she'll ever be able to think of him in the same way after this pregnancy."

Nancy listened to her mother talked on. Suddenly, she saw the blue car pull up and she cut the conversation short. She hung up the phone and met Addison at her car.

"Addison. Come one. Let's go out to dinner."

"I don't feel like it."

"Or we could bring something back."

"I'm fine. I've known he hates me for 2 months, it's not a big deal."

"It is, Addison. Because everything you were trying to hide is now finally coming out. All of your suppressed feelings are finally coming out."

"But you have Laura's soccer game. Just because I'm in a horrible mood doesn't mean you miss her soccer game. I mean, your husband will be there. He wanted your kid." Addison fell down against the step as she felt her eyes fill with tears.

"And that phrase made me so convinced you're okay. Listen, Addison, her game is at four. It's only two. I'll get you settled and send someone else over."

"No. I'm not that person. I'm not the woman who falls apart because she and her husband don't agree on something. I'll be fine."

"Addison, you know I'm not leaving until you're okay. You're our family. While we may disown Derek, you're still in our family. You clicked when we first met you, and you still do."

"Nancy, I'm not falling apart."

"Addison, you're crying. Come on. I'll order Chinese. We can watch all sorts of chick-flicks. If you don't want to think it's for Derek, don't. We're just having a girls afternoon."

Addison looked at Nancy skeptically.

"Addison, you know I'm going to win. Just stop trying to resist my tantalizing offers and get inside. I haven't been inside your house in forever."

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Nancy called Meg back as soon as Addison was settled watching _Sense and Sensibility._

"Can you come over here? I have to go in an hour or so. I just don't want to leave her alone yet."

"Love to, but I have appointments. Did you call Kathleen?"

"No. She's next. Then Renee."

"It's not that I don't love Addison, I just have work."

"I know. I completely understand."

"Let me know how it turns out."

"Got it."

"Hey, did you hear about Renee?"

"No…"

"Apparently she got angry with Derek."

"Renee? Are you sure?"

"Dead serious. She told him she didn't want to see him again unless he realized what he was doing, begged for apology from Addison, and then us."

"Renee? Seriously? Quiet, perfect, Renee? How do you know?"

"She came over here, feeling guilty for saying those things."

Nancy laughed. "Well, I now know it really was Renee. You didn't reprimand her, I hope?"

"God, no. I'm still relishing in the fact that Renee yelled at Derek for what might be the first time in her life."

"I have to go though, talk to you later."

"Talk to Addison about the baby."

"What?"

"Talk to her about it. Names, such of the likes. Get her excited. As Derek obviously hasn't."

"All right."

Nancy hung up the phone and went to sit by Addison.

"So, what are you naming thoughts?"

Addison sat up. "Well, I love the name Paul for a boy. A hmmm…I like Ellen and Lucy."

"Your baby is going to be so gorgeous. I mean, we've got your beautiful hair and Derek's eyes, or any combination. I wonder if it'll have hair. A few tendrils."

"What baby isn't gorgeous?"

"Well, don't tell anyone I told you this, but Derek looked God-awful until he grew into his head…and arms. I mean, I was only like 8, but I remember asking my dad why we got 'the ugly baby'. It was just bad. It was horrible of me, of course, but it was so bad. He'll even admit it."

Addison laughed. Her hair gleamed in the light, her face curving into a smile. She felt happy, for the first time all week.

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Derek stood, filling out a chart, when Mark walked by.

"Ah, look, it's the ass we all love to call Derek. Come, children, and gaze upon the man you'll never want to be."

"Mark, what the hell?"  
"Well, you're here, you've still got the same look on your face, and I think you would've talked to me by now if you'd apologized to your wife for your behavior."

"I don't want this baby."

"Derek, take half a second, pull your head out of your own ass, and look at your wife. She's pregnant, she's gorgeous. She's strong-willed, but you're causing her to crash. She's brilliant. And she's done nothing wrong."

"Except for-"

"Derek, she loves you. I couldn't tell you why. You remember in November when you skipped your anniversary and had me take her out? Well, I leaned in to kiss her goodnight, and she pulled away, saying even a kiss that meant nothing more than platonic friendship couldn't happen, that she'd feel too guilty. God, when will you stop being so self-absorbed? Addison wants you back. She's having a baby. All you care about is trivial things. Wow, if you don't pull your act together, Addison's going to have great stories to tell her child. 'Yes, honey, your father was an asshole who told me to get an abortion.' And if you run off, if you divorce her, I might just have to punch you. You'd be letting her slip right through your fingers. For what? Pride?"

Mark stalked off, leaving Derek behind him.

Derek took a second and sank down into a chair. He heard all sorts of words fly about him, some he'd said, and some others had said. It was almost as if hearing them for the first time.

_"Can't you get it aborted Addison? I mean, it's just an egg."_

_"She wants kids. Little kids to run around and call you 'Daddy' and love you unconditionally._"

_"You said you wanted to have kids with me."_

_"I'm so disappointed in you, Derek."_

_"You'd be letting her slip right through your fingers. For what? Pride?"_

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**A/N: Annnd that's a wrap. Derek might finally be realizing what's wrong with him. But I said might, and he also has a heck of a lot of ground to make up, if he is thinking about it. So many ifs. **

**Derek's family is so not out of this. Not even close. Not even thinking about it. Derek has to face all of his sisters and his mother. And that'll be fun. **

**I go back to school soon, so I'm trying to update as much as I can before it starts. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: "Why don't you try soap? I hear it's nice and slippery." Firstly, Meredith and Derek make me gag and make me turn my computer screen away, but secondly, why does Derek care if Addison's still wearing her wedding rings? Maybe she doesn't just waltz right out of her marriage and move on, hell; she might even miss being married. Apparently Derek can't comprehend that. The asshole. Her throwing her engagement/wedding rings into the water literally makes me cry. And I don't get emotional easily.**

**And while Derek's family may love him and all, he's being an ass. So yeah, they're ganging up. Gotta love 'em.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Haven't in the past, don't now. If I do happen to claim ownership in the future, the first thing I'll do is get Addison back, break up (or, whatever, I don't think they're actually together now) Mer/Der, and get Derek back with Addison. And have them move back to New York.**

**Seriously, I adore you all for reviewing. You can all have crowns. Or something. Whatever you want. And while I thank you ****so**** much for offering to beta me, it's not something I do. Sorry. I just write. If there's a mistake or two, well, I'll live. I hope you all do too. And the person who said they weren't even Addek fans but they like this story…it made me happy. Although, it will ultimately be Addek, so beware. Not to scare you away though. **

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Addison caught herself staring out the window of the hospital. She was four and a half months pregnant. Thanks to Derek's family, she hadn't actually seen Derek at all in six weeks. Nancy had called him poison and several other things which even Addison thought were a bit harsh. Consequently, she had been spending her time at the hospital; with Kathleen making sure Derek didn't come home when she did. It was sweet, really, but it had been six weeks. Addison allowed herself to hope against hope that maybe, just maybe, Derek had thought about what he had said. Just maybe, he missed her, even a little.

But Addison had been married to him for too long. The last time he had missed her, really missed her, had to have been at least two years ago. But work had cropped up. And work always seemed to matter more.

"Ma'am? Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd?"

Addison shook herself back into the present time. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Fields. It looks like you'll need a C-section, and while you were not looking for one, your baby is very large, and won't fit successfully through your birth canal. We can do the procedure tomorrow morning, if that's okay with you?"

Mrs. Fields sighed. "Yes, that's fine. Wait'll I tell this one it was too big to fit through my ass."

Addison smiled and gave an appreciative chuckle. "If you don't mind me asking, Mrs. Fields, where is your husband? He's listed here as your emergency contact, and due to the surgery, we have to call him. Is there someone else you'd rather we call?"

Mrs. Fields's eye's filled with tears. Addison quickly put the chart down.

"You don't have to worry about it. We can call someone else if you like. Just say the name."

"I wish to God you could call my husband. But you can't. He-He died. Brain tumor. I knew he was dying, and I told him I wanted a baby to remember him by. As if the fifteen years of marriage and four kids wasn't enough. And I put him down as my emergency contact because I hoped that by some miracle he would still be here. Just…call my mother, I guess. She's listed there somewhere"

Addison nodded and stepped out of the room, avoiding the tears that were tempting her eyelids. This woman's husband had loved her enough to give her one more kid before he died. She loved him enough to raise all four, soon to be five, children all alone. Addison couldn't even take her pregnancy, and it was her first. Derek was still alive, no matter what his reaction was. What did this make her?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The first time Derek had tried to go home, a week after Addison had blown up at him, he had been surprised to find Kathleen sitting on the couch. She was watching some show that possibly had no actual point at all.

"Derek." Her voice was icy.

"Kathleen. What are you doing here?"

"I feel like I should be asking you the same question."

"How did you know I was coming home?"

"We've got the hospital nurses at the front and side entrance desks calling us as you leave. I then came over here and waited here. I'm not letting you stay. Or go upstairs."

"Listen, is Addison even upstairs?"

"No. She's got surgery. Won't be home all night."

"Then why does it matter or not if I'm here?"

"Oh, it makes all of the difference. Just go back to the hospital."

"Can't I get some clothes?"

"Sorry, clothes aren't an option."

"So, I'm not being allowed back in my house until…"  
"Until you figure out what is wrong with you and apologize like hell. And, if you choose, for some ridiculous reason, to leave Addison, I'm not letting you get any of your stuff."

"You know, I could call the police on you. I own this house."

"You know, you could. And you do own parts of this house. But I'm sure if I shared a little story with them, they wouldn't give a damn what I was doing."

Derek had just stalked out of his house then. He had tried to come home a few times more, but the damn nurses always knew when he left. Kathleen was always there; sometimes her kids and husband were there too. Eventually he just gave up and spent all of his time at the hospital or the hotel room he had reserved.

Derek had honestly never felt so alone in his life. His best friend wasn't talking to him, neither was his wife. He had realized that he was an ass. He knew that no person would ask something like that. He knew he had been a bastard and a jerk. But forgiving his wife was another story. He had done irrevocable damage to everything about her. But he didn't know if he wanted to go back to his wife. And her baby. And Addison had told him it was better he left than stayed if he didn't want her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was July 24. Addison awoke at dawn in her house, alone. It was her birthday. She was 39 years old. Ten years ago she had been 29 and completely in love with Derek. They had been living in the worst sort of apartment then, shabby and underkept, but neither of them noticed. They had been married for about 8 months and were making all sorts of wild plans. Now, ten years later, Addison was sitting alone in bed, pregnant, and wondering if Derek even loved her.

She arrived at work and saw Mark there, holding a box of chocolates.

"Happy Birthday, Addison."

Addison smiled and thanked Mark for the chocolate. She quickly walked into the room nearest her and felt her world close in on her. She found herself remembering the crisp fall day, just weeks before her marriage.

_Derek held the box of chocolates out to her. His stunning grin took over his whole face._

_"Let me ever be the only man to buy you chocolate."_

_Addison laughed. "You've already missed that one."_

_"Fine, from now on. Let me be the only man to ever bring you chocolate."_

_Addison smiled, nodding. "I'll never let anyone else buy me chocolate. Ever. As long as we both shall live."_

_Derek laughed. "I think you definitely need to write your wedding vows like that. Profess your promise to not get chocolate from any other man."_

Addison knew Mark didn't know about this. It wasn't his fault. It was a nice gesture. But it hurt too much. Thinking about Derek just hurt. She didn't want to see him. She wanted to see the man she had married, the one who had done all sorts of things to make her feel like the most important person in the world. The one who could take her breath away by just looking at her in the right way. The one who had held her close whenever she had had a particularly hard day at work.

Damn her hormones. Meg had told her that she'd want to be loved and touched when she was pregnant, but Addison had thought that her anger would take over the desires. Apparently not. She just wanted Derek to hold her, to rock her in his arms and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Emily Shepherd had always felt sorry for Derek. He was her youngest, a boy, and his father, her husband, died when he was just four. Mark Sloan had been his best friend from the first time they met in kindergarten. Mark had no higher influence in his life and eventually had been adopted into the family as one of their own.

Emily had watched as Derek met Addison. She'd never forget the one phone call which Derek had told her that he was marrying Addison. Emily remembered crying with delight, as all five of her children were happily married and successful.

But now, six weeks ago, Emily had gotten a call from Meg detailing Derek's downfall. After nearly eleven years of marriage, Derek had told the wife carrying his only child to get an abortion. Emily hadn't been able to look at her son in the same way. She hadn't raised her children like that at all. She had raised her children to be good, respectful people, and not to waste their talents. To be kind and wise.

She hadn't been able to visit Addison as all of her daughters could, or call Derek to reprimand him. She couldn't do anything but wait. And hope that her only son would turn around.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Addison moved through her day as if nothing was different. Kathleen, Renee, and Meg had all called, expressing birthday wishes, and Nancy had taken Addison out to lunch. But it wasn't the same. She got home and set her purse down, pressing play on the blinking answering machine.

_"Hey, Addison, it's me, Naomi, all the way across the country. Happy 39__th__ birthday; and make sure to give Derek a hug from me. Call me later."_

Addison's heart fell. She hadn't told any of her friends about Derek's reaction, it made her feel ashamed. As a record of his dislike for her.

_"This is a message for Mr. Derek Shepherd from Edward Guterson over at Madison Law. We have tried your personal phone, but you left this as a final number. We've drawn up the papers you requested, so if you'll give me a call, we can work out the details and I'll hand them over."_

And Addison knew. Her marriage was over. They were divorce papers. She picked up the answering machine and threw it across the kitchen, crying even harder when it hit the refrigerator and broke. She fell back against the cabinets and felt her mascara streak out of her eyelashes. She sat there for what must have been an hour before the doorbell rang. She opened up the door, wiping her face as she did so.

"What are you doing here?"

"Addison. Long time, no see."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N: I'm evil. I know it. I hope you've figured out it's one of two people. All that really depends on which is which is the tone of the speaker in the last line. If it's sarcastic, it'd be one person, but if it's not sarcastic, well, then it's the other. **

**Honestly, I haven't picked who is going to be there yet. I know, it's bad, but I've got both written out. It just depends which I like more when it comes time to post it. I'm leaning, but we'll have to see. **

**This was short, but it ended well, right where I wanted it to, so that's how it's going to work. So two cliffhangers before I go back to school. The first is the existence of divorce papers, and the second is the visitor. Let's see where it goes.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: And Person B. I do hope you know who it is. Especially after reading the Derek one. And remember anything that happened in the last chapter hasn't happened here. We're back to Addison finding out about the ****potential**** (and I stress that) divorce papers and crying. Six weeks since she's seen Derek. It's her birthday too. **

**My defense story: Addison seems to be (to me) slipping more and more out of her character. I was rereading it and in the later chapters she seems much less Addison-like. But two things. The first is that she's pregnant and hormonal. Secondly, Derek's tearing her apart and so she's not herself. She's trying to be, she just can't. **

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"Mark."

"Addison. Are you okay?"

Addison brushed her hair away from her face and sighed. "I'm fine Mark, thank you."

"Can I come in?"

"Um, sure."

"I brought pizza. It's even a garbage pizza, just the way you like it. I also got some movies. I figure you don't really want to go out, so we can stay in and celebrate. I tried making cupcakes, but I burned them and the sprinklers came on. And then they were ruined. So. I stuck with what I know."

"Pizza." Addison smiled.

"So, can I come in?"

"Yeah, you can come in."

Mark traveled into the kitchen, looking at the answering machine on the floor.

"What happened there?"

Addison cast her eyes downward. "I, uh, dropped it. I was going to move it and it broke."

Mark knew she was lying but instead chose not to bring up something painful on her birthday. He pulled out the glasses in the cupboard and brought the box over to the couch. He put in the first movie. Addison gasped.

"Mark, you're going to watch _Casablanca_ with me?"

"It's your birthday."

"But you hate this movie. More than…more than Derek."

"Yes, but it's your birthday. And I'll watch it. I won't make fun of it either. I swear."

An hour and a half into the movie, Addison felt her baby kick. It was kicking. Her baby. They hadn't kicked before this moment. Addison felt the kick and smiled. The kicks were a sign to her that this baby was supposed to be here. That everything was right. Mark looked over at her. He noticed the smile on her face and the hand on her stomach.

"Addison, what's happening?"

"It's kicking. It's kicking, and I can feel it."

Mark smiled. "That's great, Addison. That's really great."

Addison nodded, still hoping to feel more kicking.

"Addison, I don't know what's going on with Derek, because I'm not talking to him, but have you seen him recently?"

"I haven't seen him in six weeks. No thanks to Nancy et al."

Mark laughed. "I'm sorry."

Addison looked up, confused. "For what?"

"That you haven't seen Derek. I mean, I know he's an ass and all, but he's still your husband, and while he didn't even see you on your birthday last year, it must suck."

Addison looked down. "Yeah, it does suck, a little."

"A lot."

"Yeah. It sucks a lot. I'm still completely in love with him."

"He'll come to his senses. For all we know, he already has, and he's on his way over here right now."

Addison smiled weakly. "I wish."

"Isn't it funny?"

"What?"

"We all work in the same hospital. But you haven't seen Derek in six weeks, and he hasn't seen you."

"Well, it's a big hospital. And Derek and I are both working on our private practices. I guess it makes sense. I mean, even in our first years of marriage, when we were…well…"

"Hopelessly disgustingly romantic."

"Thanks Mark. Even when we were like that, we still only managed to see each other a few times a week on coincidence. We'd, of course, manage to meet in many on-call rooms for a bit of a rendezvous, but that was planned."

"Thank you for that, Addison."

Addison smiled, flashing Mark a large smile. He moved closer to her, putting his hand on her stomach.

"Hey, little baby. It's your uncle Mark. How are you?"

The baby, in response, kicked. Addison, leaning against the couch arm, smiled up at Mark. And they locked eyes. Addison found herself mesmerized by his smile, his eyes. He moved in closer, as did she. Addison saw Mark's hand come up to her face and hold it gently.

Addison snapped back to reality.

"Mark!"

Addison jumped up, running out of the room. She collapsed on the steps leading upstairs. Mark came over next to her, but Addison jumped up again.

"Mark, get away. Thank you for coming. But I can't do that. I'm married. I don't care that my husband's not here, that he hasn't been here, and that he's probably in the process of sending me divorce papers. I just can't do that right now. I can't kiss you. I'm sorry. I just can't. Won't."

Mark pushed a lock of hair away from her face. "But Addie, when was the last time Derek kissed you? Held you?"

Addison pushed his hand away. "It doesn't matter, Mark. It doesn't matter to you. Just leave. Now."

"But it does. It's had to have been months. Ever since he found out about the baby. Don't you want to be loved? Derek isn't going to love you right now, not this moment. He's too busy hating you."

"Mark, no. I don't want to be loved by anyone but Derek. I can't be loved by anyone but Derek."

Mark was about to say something else, but he instead turned and opened the door.

"Addison, what if he really is divorcing you? What if he doesn't love you anymore?"

Addison shook her head and looked Mark in the eye. "If he doesn't love me, if he's divorcing me, then I'm going to miss him forever."

"Even after all the shit he's given you?"

"Even after all that he's done. Even after all that he hasn't done. I'll still always love him."

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**A/N: I know Kate Walsh is on Private Practice and all, but seriously, they should've done a spinoff (or prequel-show) of when Addison and Derek were in New York. So Patrick Dempsey would've had to leave Grey's Anatomy. He isn't doing any good on it now anyway. But, of course, we couldn't have Shonda do it because she's obviously blind to the love between Addison and Derek. She'd have a horrible take on it. But honestly. Even though I know how it ends, seeing happy Addison and Derek were would make me so excited. It would be wonderful. Honestly. Perfect. Make my poor broken Addek heart sing. **

**Anyway, a few things about the Mark version. You got to see a Mark smackdown, which are always fun. We still don't know if the papers are divorce papers. Derek still hasn't said anything. In this version, Mark might be gone from Addison's life now too. At least he won't try anything else. However, in this version, we're still kind of on square one. **

**Oh, and if you don't know, garbage pizza has basically everything on it. Not like pineapple (well, some do) or anchovies, but all of the typical toppings: cheese, pepperoni, sausage, olives, peppers, onions, etc.**

**I honestly don't know which one of these I'd pick. Which is why I leave it up to you. I know I've updated a lot recently, but after tonight, that's stopping. So, you have at least a week to pick. Make choices wisely. **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: So I watched Grey's Anatomy on Thursday, and all I have to say is that Meredith and Derek will not, ever, ever, work. They won't. In real life, they wouldn't, at least. In Shonda's la-la, oblivious-to-Addek-love world, maybe they do. I don't live there. I couldn't tell you. **

**I have to confess, this chapter was actually quite difficult for me to write. Some chapters write themselves (Seriously, sometimes I write things ****I**** didn't even plan) but others slog around. Such as this one. Derek is getting really hard to write, because he's in so darn deep it's getting hard to pull him out.**

**And…the winner is (drumroll)…Mark. Even if you didn't choose him, you're still going to love the story. (I hope.) Here we go. **

**P.S. If you haven't seen the Addek deleted scenes on Season 2, go search that on youtube. It'll make you smile, I promise.**

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"Mark, stop apologizing. You're sorry. I get it. I know."

"But Addison, I feel horrible. I went too far."

"Yes, but you were just trying to help."

"I know, but I feel horrible."

"Mark," Addison hissed, getting annoyed, "I understand, okay? But we're in a crowded elevator. This is not the time or place."

"When will be the time or place?"

"I don't know, okay. I don't know. I'm starting to feel like I don't actually know anything right now. I need one less stress. So can you please, just give me some space?"

Mark was silent.

"Mark, please."

"I can't, Addison. I can't. Not right now, not when space is the last thing you need. You need love. And as Derek can't give it to you, I'm trying to give you the best love I can. Okay?"

"Just please, I just want space. Please try."

Mark looked at Addison and saw her pleading eyes. She looked so tired and worn out. Mark considered opening his mouth yet again, yet shut it.

"Okay. I'll give you space. But if you ever want an absence of space, if you want a friend, I'm here."

"Thanks Mark."

The elevator opened and everyone spilled out. At the back of the elevator, having heard every word that was exchanged between his wife and best friend, Derek Shepherd rubbed his head, trying to process everything.

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_"Hey this is Nancy, I'm not here, so please leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as I can. Thanks."_

"Nancy, it's Addison. I just kind of need someone to talk to, so if you could give me a call soon, that would be great. Thanks. Bye."

"Nancy, this is Derek. I know you hate me and I'm blacklisted and I'm surprised you haven't banned calls from me. But I just, I want to figure something out. And you can help me. So please, call me. Please."

Nancy, more curious about Derek's call, dialed his number first.

"Hello?"

"It's Nancy."

"Nancy. Thank you."

"You've got two minutes. That's all you deserve. Actually, you deserve about a millisecond, but I'll give you a bit more."

"I miss Addison. And not just miss having my wife around to talk to. I miss her. I haven't seen her for six weeks, no thanks to you. But I miss her. I miss her."

"Do you miss her baby?"  
Derek paused, and Nancy sighed.

"Derek, you have to miss her baby too. You can't act like the baby isn't going to happen. She's four months pregnant. You cannot act like this is invisible. That you weren't a complete ass to her."

"I know that. I realized that a long time ago. But then I wasn't sure if I wanted her back. But I do. I really do."

"And I say again, do you want her baby back too?"

"I don't, I don't know."

"Well, Derek, they now come as a package deal. You could be part of that package. But you can't just have Addison."

Derek was silent. "Nancy, what happened between Addison and Mark?"

"Nothing that I know of, why?"

"I was in the elevator this morning and I heard Addison and Mark talking…and he kept apologizing…"

"For what?"

"I don't know. That's why I asked you."

"Well, she called me earlier, and I have yet to call her back."

"Do you think she's…cheating on me? With Mark?"

"If she is, I can't say I blame her."

"Nancy!"

"Derek. You've been a complete ass through this entire pregnancy. Mark has done things for her, made her life easier. It's actually a side of Mark I hadn't seen before. If she's having an affair with Mark, well, I can't blame her. I really can't."

Derek said nothing.

"But for all it's worth, Derek, I don't think she did."

"Really?"

"Really."

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"Addison."

"Nancy."

"How are you doing?"

"I feel everything crashing worse each day."

"Why, what happened."

"Mark and I…"

Addison trailed off. Nancy held her breath, not daring to believe that Addison had really cheated on Derek with Mark."

"Did you…have sex?"

"Oh, God, no. No. No. He tried to kiss me."

"You say 'tried' because…"

"I was lost in the moment and when I slid back into reality I realized what was happening."

"And…"

"I ran away. And then I told him I couldn't kiss him."

"Oh, Addison."

"I just don't know, though. I told him I wouldn't be loved by anyone but Derek."

"Wow, my ass of a brother really screwed everything up, didn't he?"

"I do believe he did."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, he wants you back."

Addison felt her heart stop. "Really?"

"He wants you back though. He doesn't know about the baby."

"Damn it."

"He'll come around."

"You think so?"

"You should've heard him on the phone. He misses you so much."

"But he has to miss this baby too."

"I know. He will."

They both sat silently on the line.

"Addison, I have a suggestion for you."

"What?"

"Move out."

Addison dropped her phone but quickly picked it back up. "What?"

"Move out."

"But you just said-"

"I know what I just said. But I think you need to stay away for a little while."

"But it's practically like he's moved out. I mean, I'm getting my space."

"But you're in the house. Full of memories, might I add. Full of moments when you thought that life was perfect. Full of pictures, full of everything that will remind you of him."

"But I can't."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't do that."

"Addison, I think you can. It doesn't have to be for forever, it can just be for a month or so. Just to get out for a while. Just think about it, okay?"

"Okay. I'm thinking about it. It doesn't mean I will."

"I'm well aware. You would never do something just because I said so. Just give it a thought. It might make you happier."

"I have to go."

"Call me later."

"I will."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Addison snapped her phone shut. Move out? Addison didn't truly want to. But what Nancy had told her had almost made her think about it. It was true; the Brownstone was full of things that reminded her of happier times in her marriage. But that didn't means she couldn't face them. She had plenty of strength. She just couldn't move out. She couldn't move out if she didn't know what the papers. She needed to know if they were divorce papers. Addison hadn't told anyone about them, because for all she knew, they didn't exist. She knew she wasn't being rational, but she needed something to hold onto. By telling Nancy or Mark that she thought there were divorce papers, she had nothing left to hold onto. So she kept her hope. It seemed like all she had.

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Derek took a deep breath and walked up to Mark.

"Mark."

"Asshole."

"Are you sleeping with Addison?"

Mark looked at Derek, smirking. "No. Why do you ask?"

"Because I was in the elevator this morning and you kept apologizing. And I just wondered what it was for."

"Well, that's between me and Addison."

"Mark, I swear, if you're sleeping with Addison, just tell me."

"We're not sleeping together. Having sex, making love, none of it."

"You're sure?"

"You know, you are the bad guy here. You don't get to ask all the questions. I should be asking you questions. But you never seem to try to answer them. So why even bother?"

Derek was walking away, when Mark stopped him.

"You know, Derek, I consider myself a pretty attractive man. If Addison wouldn't cheat on you with me, then who would she cheat on you with? Think about that. I did try to get her to kiss me. But she ran away from that. I don't know what you do, Derek, but you really string everyone along, while making yourself irresistible. And now you're doing it to your wife."

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Addison found herself glancing over the real estate section over the next few days. She was looking for something, maybe. Nothing was certain. Maybe, if she found something nice that didn't require a long contract, she would rent it. She didn't even have to stay there. She could just…have it. That sounded good. Like a spot to get away. Not like there was Derek to get away from, but there was the mere idea to get away from. Derek pushed her away and pulled her in at the same time. It annoyed the hell out of Addison.

And then, two weeks after her birthday, Addison saw it. It was an apartment ten blocks away from the hospital. It was large enough for her, and it boasted a large closet. It talked about paying by the month, and no required time of stay. Before Addison knew what she was doing, she was on the phone. And then she had it. An apartment. Addison hadn't had her own apartment for almost 11 years. And suddenly, here it was.

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**A/N: Such a sluggish chapter. However, a few good things. The first is that Derek really wants Addison back. He does. Not so sure about his baby, but he wants her back. That's a start. And the second is that Addison knows it. Now, he still has a long way to go, but we're onto the second square, I do believe. **

**Addison may be moving out, there may or may not be divorce papers. I don't know if I can take it. I do, however, expect an Addek meeting sometime in the near future. Just a meeting though. And about what, well, that's unsure as well. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So no reviews. That signifies to me one of three things. The first is that it was just really bad. Even if it was, please review and tell me why. The second is that you were confused about my chapter switching. If that's the case, hopefully this chapter will help get us all back on track. The third is that everyone's just lazy. If so, click the button and review. I never ask for reviews and usually get them. No reviews worry me.**

**Disclaimer: Well, in recent news, my father bought out ABC, and gave me Grey's Anatomy for Christmas. So I do own it now. Along with Private Practice. Which will be axed, along with Grey's and I'm making a new show with Addison and Derek happily back married in New York. The old Izzie (pre 2****nd**** part of season three) will come back with them, as well as Bailey. Name suggestions?**

**Obviously, I don't own it. Did you think for a second I did?**

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Derek opened the front door tentatively. He looked in the living room, and then the kitchen. Kathleen wasn't there. He might be allowed into his house for the first time in almost two months. He walked upstairs and looked into his room. Addison was in there, packing clothes into boxes.

"Addison…"  
"Derek."

"How are you?"

"Fine. Yourself?"

"Just great."

Addison continued shoving clothes into boxes despite Derek's curious looks. She taped a box shut. He watched her box up her shoes and coats.

"Are you…moving out?"

"I'm moving my things, Derek, don't be ridiculous."

"To where?"  
"An apartment."

"So you're moving out."

Addison held up a pair of heels she had bought three years previously. "Derek, I haven't worn any of these things for at least six months."  
"But you're moving them. To an apartment."

Addison didn't say anything.

"Addison, you can't move out."

"Oh and why not? You're divorcing me anyway."

Derek looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Last week, Derek, Madison Law offices called. Your papers are drawn up. I assume they're divorce papers. Aren't they?"

Derek stared at his wife, her eyes shooting sparks. "No, Addison, they're not. I lost a patient a few weeks ago, my fault, and so I was drawing up the papers for the legal case."

Addison sat down on the bed. "Oh. Well, now don't I feel stupid. You weren't divorcing me?"  
"No. Not now. I thought about it. A lot actually. But then I realized that I didn't want that."  
"But you don't want this either." Addison indicated to her stomach, where her baby was kicking.

Derek said nothing, only looking at his hands.

"I'm right, Derek. You can't just want me anymore. It doesn't work."

"I know. Nancy told me."

Addison looked up. "You talked to Nancy?"

"Once."

"Is that that you said you missed me?"

Derek looked into the corners of her eyes, the place where, whether she liked it or not, her true emotion always came through. Right now, they were pleading. Looking for something, some sign he wanted her as she still wanted him.

"I did say that."  
"But you don't miss the baby."  
"Addison I-"

"Derek, I have told you once, I've told you twice, you can't just miss me. You have to miss our baby. And that's why I'm moving out. If you really miss me, if you really want me back, then you've got to learn how to miss the baby. Not just me."

Addison continued to box up shoes. She shoved the taped boxes to the ground and picked up her pager. Checking it, she groaned, and grabbed her purse.

"I've got to go. Make sure to lock up."

And then, out of habit, Derek grabbed her arm and kissed her on the cheek.

"I love you."

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Derek's heart was racing as he sat down in the chair. He had told Addison he loved her. He meant it with all of his heart, but he hadn't meant to say it. He hadn't meant to kiss her either, regardless if it was on the cheek. He had wanted to give her space, something to think about. Hell, he needed space. They both needed space, their conversation made that obvious. And then, there was no space to be given. Derek had snatched it in those three seconds. In those three words. He meant both of them. But he knew that that time was not right. They were ill-placed.

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Addison raced into the hospital, trying not to think about what Derek had said or done. She had to focus on the dying pregnant woman in front of her. She didn't have a second to worry about any of that.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, what do you suggest?"  
Addison turned to the nurse beside her, and sighed. "Get her into an OR, stat. I'll be there in a second."

"You're operating?"  
"Yes. I'm operating. I have to do a C-section. It's the only way to save them both."

The nurse wheeled the lady down to the elevator, as Addison grabbed her scrub cap and raced down, hopefully to save this woman's life.

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"Time of death, 18:34." Addison sighed as she looked at the poor lifeless woman. Her baby was in an incubator but would stay alive. If they didn't find ID for the woman, the baby would have to be identified some other way. Addison hoped that someone would come. The woman was wearing a wedding ring. But, as Addison looked at her own wedding rings, she realized how little that meant. If she was here, dead, in the OR, would Derek come for their baby? Or would he leave it? Alone. Just pretend it never happened.

Addison shook her head to get rid of the thoughts. She walked into the waiting room and found a man there, sitting in a chair, gripping it firmly. When she walked in, his head shot up.

"Did you have…a pregnant woman in there, almost due? Short brownish hair? Green eyes? A wedding ring with a sapphire on it?"

Addison slowly nodded her head, looking down. "We're so sorry. We tried everything we could, sir."

The man broke into tears. "That was my wife. My wife."

Addison looked at him, and watched as he fell down into his seat. "We managed to save the baby. You have a beautiful daughter."

The man looked up, not daring to hope. "Really? I do?"

"You do. She's almost perfect, she'll live."

"She will?"  
"She will."

The man shot up and hugged her, thanking her again and again.

"She's our first daughter. We have three sons, and all we wanted was a daughter. Now we have her, and my wife died. Unusually cruel, isn't it?"  
"Life is cruel."

"Yeah. Can I see her?"

"Who?"

"My wife."

"Sir, she's dead."

"I know. I just want to show her the baby. We were going to name her Elizabeth. But now, I'm going to name her Claire. Claire Elizabeth. One name is her mother's; the other is her mother's choice."

Addison sighed and showed the man into the room where the nurses were still finishing up.

She watched the man reach in to touch his daughter, and as he bent down to push aside his wife's hair. He found fresh tears as he whispered to his wife who was already gone. He was stroking her hand lovingly, murmuring. Addison left, unable to bear the pain that this scene brought her.

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Addison slumped down into a chair and rested her hand on her baby. Her stomach was larger now, her figure drastically different. Although she still insisted on wearing high heels, they now hurt and so Addison had gone from four and a half inches on her heels to two. She could no longer fit into the tiny waistlines she had once prided herself on. She usually felt sick in the morning and knew that the glow was gone from her face. Her bright red hair was more often than not rumpled in the back, much to her disdain.

But there was this life inside her, this life that kept growing and changing. Her eleven years as a neo-natal surgeon and OB/GYN had taught her that much, along with the continual doctor's visits. Addison had decided that she was going to let this baby be a surprise. She needed something to look forward to. Something to make her hopeful about this baby's arrival. Something unknown.

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Derek sat in the chair for hours. He kept looking over at Addison's boxes on the floor, and was tempted several times to unpack it all. Just so Addison could stay a little longer. He knew that they both needed space, but he wanted his wife. He wanted to be able to kiss her again and make her smile and laugh. He wanted to hold her when she let herself become vulnerable in one of those rare moments.

Derek saw a book next to the bed, the title bearing the name of some baby book. He picked it up and smiled at his sister's handwriting all over the margins. Meg had written little notes to help herself; meaning this book had to have been for her first pregnancy. Now, she was an old pro. Six kids later, the books she had once bought in frenzy were laughable.

Derek found his mind wandering. Would he be a good parent? He could see himself playing catch with his son, or helping his daughter as her boyfriend broke up with her, telling her she was too good for him. He could see his son in cap and gown at his high school graduation; he could see a daughter walking down the aisle with him as she was married. He could see it all. But would he ever be there? Or would he and Addison be married only out of habit? Only because it would take too much time to divorce. Would he still be at work, trying to make his name more known? Would Addison be forced to raise her child all on her own? Or would she choose it voluntarily? He wasn't divorcing her, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to divorce him. She was moving out. What did this mean? What had he let happen to his marriage?

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**A/N: Addison and Derek weren't supposed to kiss, even on the cheek, and Derek wasn't supposed to tell her he loved her. What is this? My characters can't follow my instruction. They've got issues.**

**And review. Please? I'll update faster, swear. Even if you have criticism. I never beg for reviews, but now I am. Pretty button…**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So, I love you all. My reviews made me happy. And apparently all I have to do is call out your laziness? By the by, if you didn't get my last chapter it's because I switched chapters and didn't actually add a new one. But I did for the eighth chapter, and so here we are.**

**Apparently my Addison and Derek are going off plan. My subconscious, I swear. I just want to see them together and happy. **

**As a note, this chapter has absolutely no dialogue. Hm.**

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Derek looked through the glass at the babies. He saw brown hair and black hair and blonde hair and blue eyes and green eyes and grey eyes. He watched a careful nurse tucked in the baby's blanket. He leaned his forehead against the glass and rubbed his eyes. Recently, he had been the one at home, and Addison had been the one gone, constantly. She had come back after he had kissed her only to grab a few things, and he hadn't seen her since. Two weeks. He ached for her. He found himself reaching for her at night in his bed, wishing to smell her perfume or see her shoes all splayed out in the closet.

Derek sighed as he took a sip of his coffee, shuddering at the intensity of the brew. He looked down at the dark liquid before tossing it into the trash can, deciding that forcing himself awake would be easier than forcing said beverage down his throat. He stared at the babies again. He had finally realized that he wanted a baby. A son or a daughter. He loved his wife; but now he wanted his baby so much. But everything that had come up in the past months ruined his chances of ever getting Addison back. In a second he'd take everything he had said, and everything he hadn't said back. If it meant he could be with Addison again, he'd do it.

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Addison stabbed at the pasta in her kitchen. Her kitchen. Not Addison and Derek's; hers. She listened as the courtroom drama unfolded on the television, but she couldn't bring herself to pay attention. She had thought about Derek a lot in the past two weeks. Not like she hadn't before, but now she had all the more to contemplate. Derek had kissed her on the cheek, a habitual kiss he had given to her many times before. But the most shocking thing was the 'I love you' given in that moment. Addison didn't know if Derek meant it. Just like the kiss. She had seen him only once since then, he had been pacing their room as she had come home after her surgery that night. He hadn't said a word, just stared at her as she had quickly grabbed her makeup, shoes and clothes. She had carried it all to this apartment and left it there. She had been living here for two weeks now. Living in this apartment. It was strange to be living alone again. She wasn't used to everything she found being hers and hers alone. Usually in any given load of laundry she did she managed to find a few of Derek's socks or undershirts. But now everything was always hers. And it scared her to death.

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Derek walked out of the hardware store with a gallon of yellow paint, a gallon of primer and a few paint rollers. He got into the taxi and when he arrived back at the Brownstone set to work. He slipped out of his nice clothes and threw on an old UPenn t-shirt and blue sweatpants. He worked on getting everything out of their guestroom and draped drop clothes all over the room.

Five hours later, Derek cracked open a beer and admired his work. For now, the room was simply white, but in a mere day it would be yellow. Since he didn't know what sex the baby was, yellow was the safest color. It was a pale, buttery yellow, at least inside the paint can. He looked at the crib box he had bought as well as the dressing table and rocking chair. He hadn't been very good at the interior decorating aspect of this house, but he figured that white furniture and yellow walls really couldn't clash.

At four in the morning the next day, Derek rolled the last stroke of yellow paint and stepped back. Sure, he wasn't going to take up a career in painting anytime soon, but he had done a halfway decent job. The paint was a bit smudged in some parts, and one corner was awfully done, but besides that it looked good. He didn't know if the baby would ever even see the inside of this room, but it didn't mean he wasn't going to hope for it.

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_Derek slid the wedding ring onto Addison's finger and locked eyes with her. She blushed again, smiling and trying not to cry, for Derek's sake. When the minister pronounced them husband and wife, Derek grinned from ear to ear and kissed Addison so passionately that Meg had covered her children's eyes and Addison's father had shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The minister cleared his throat several times but neither noticed. Finally coming up for air had been necessary and they broke apart, Addison blushing even more. She smiled weakly as Derek hugged her, whispering into her ear about how he'd always be there, even when she didn't want him there. How he'd love her until she died, and he couldn't stop if he tried._

_And at their reception Nancy had commented that she hadn't seen anyone so happy at their wedding._

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Derek looked at the finished room. A week later, everything was up. He had bought new sheets and curtains and the room was ready for any baby. There was a rug and everything. He was proud of his work. He had made a room for Addison's baby. Their baby. It was already the end of August, and the baby was due in less than four months. In four months, would he and Addison be together, or apart? Would they be a couple again or would Addison be alone with the baby somewhere far away, in an attempt to get away from Derek?

He walked back into their room and pulled off his shirt, changing into a nice button down shirt. He pulled on black pants and ruffled his hair in his hands. He locked up the house and grabbed a taxi to the apartment where Addison was living. He had known it was this building, this place, as a result of the gossiping nurses in the hospital. All he had to do was charm them with a smile and they told him everything they knew.

Derek found her name on a list inside, engraved in fancy script. His heart broke as he saw Addison Montgomery there, no Shepherd on the end. She really had gotten this apartment to break away from her old life. He took the elevator to the fourth floor and stepped into the hallway. The carpet-lined hallways made this building look more like a hotel than apartments. He found her room and knocked tentatively on the door, afraid of what she would do when she saw him.

She opened the door, her hair in a tidy bun and the glasses structuring her face. She had obviously been studying for one of her surgeries, due to her facial expressions. She sighed when she saw Derek, not saying anything. She stepped outside, shutting the door behind her, grimacing.

And suddenly, twenty minutes later, she was driving with Derek in the passenger seat. He had convinced her to go see something at the house; he had looked so excited that she figured it couldn't hurt. The worst that would happen is he'd try to kiss her again. And now, now she'd be ready and not respond to his kiss.

Derek led the way up the stairs, Addison following behind, her arms folded. He waited for her at the door to the baby's room, resting his hand on the doorknob. He opened it slowly, watching as Addison's eyes grew with size each time an inch more was revealed. She looked around the room, not daring believe what she saw.

He really had gotten everything. There was a changing table and a rocking chair and a dresser and a crib. Derek had painted the room a beautiful yellow color. Addison felt tears prick her eyes, but she tried to push them away. Derek didn't need to see her crying. But she had never felt so happy in the past few months. Derek didn't have to say anything. This was perhaps the most he could've done. The most he could've done to show that he wanted this baby.

Derek looked over at Addison and saw tears fill the corners of her eyes. He knew he couldn't do anything but watch. He couldn't reach out and touch her because that would ruin everything. He just needed to wait. A little bit of patience would be good for him.

Addison walked into the room and sat down in the chair, a soft smile playing on her lips as she slowly rocked back and forth. She closed her eyes, feeling her stomach. She knew Derek was watching her. But she didn't care. All she wanted was this moment. This moment that she felt that maybe, just maybe, her marriage might have a fighting chance.

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**A/N: Okay, so what can I say? It got fluffy. I know that. I'm okay with that. I****couldn't**** write it non-fluffy. **

**So, Addison and Derek have a fighting chance now. Derek wants the baby, Addison knows it. This doesn't mean by any stretch that they're in any true happiness yet. They still have to have a huge talk, probably one that will span over several chapters. There is so much pushed aside for now that will get pulled up. However, they are having this happy moment. So sue me. **

**By the way, the flashback scene really had no point. But I liked it. **

**One more thing: I know I jump a few weeks a lot, but that's stopping now. Before, it was just necessary to keep the story moving without chapters of them just thinking. **

**Review, s'il vous plait. **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks for all the ****great**** reviews. This chapter, much less fluff/sap. Alas, it was fun while it lasted. It will come around again, swear. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I don't own any of the characters. Don't sue. **

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Derek watched Addison for a long time, just watching her. Watching her smile, her joy.

"Derek, we have to talk."

Derek was surprised. He had assumed Addison would've wanted to bask in this for a while, pushing everything aside. But if she wanted to talk, she could talk.

"Okay. Do you want to go downstairs?"

Addison nodded and walked downstairs, Derek following her. She sat down at the kitchen table, Derek sitting across from her.

"First, Derek, I'm going to talk. You're not going to say anything. Just, listen to me, okay?"

Derek nodded.

"Our marriage has been on the decline for at least two years now. At first it was little things: not seeing each other in the hospital for days at a time, skipping one of our events. But then it got bigger. Your work became demanding and everything became secondary to it. Including me. At first I tried to pretend it wasn't happening and I threw myself into my work as well. But then Mark started coming with me instead of you. It just kept getting worse. I would see you once a week. You would never go out with me, you could barely kiss me. You skipped our ten year anniversary."

Derek listened to her, watching her eyes fill with hurt as she recounted events he had been too busy to remember.

"And then I find out I'm pregnant. I was so happy, Derek, I was thrilled. I thought that this might be it, the thing that brings us back to Addison and Derek. And I tell you…I'm so happy and excited and you shred it up in seconds. You asked me to get an abortion, telling me it's just a fertilized egg. It broke my heart. I actually briefly thought about running, right there and right then. I didn't want you there if you thought that. But I gave you another chance. And you told me the same things. And then Nancy heard us. Then I was completely cut off from you, and I can't say I hated it. I missed you, but I had a lot of time to think." Addison took a deep breath. "I thought you were divorcing me. I moved out. I almost kissed Mark. I didn't, though. Couldn't. I was still in love with you. And maybe it was only the idea of you. Either way."

Derek was gripping the table so hard his knuckles were white.

"Tonight you came to my apartment and looked so excited I came to see what it was all about. That room, Derek, it's amazing. It's absolutely beautiful, and it proved to me that you would miss us both. But I can't trust you again. I don't want you to fall back into that again. I can't have you gone all the time."

Addison looked directly into Derek's eyes. Her gaze was generally firm, but it was particularly harsh this time.

"Addison."

"I'm not done. I am angry with you Derek, I want to throw a plate at your head, and I want to hurt you just as badly as you've hurt me. I want to yell and scream at you for everything that you haven't done, and everything you have. No woman in their right mind would've stayed with you for as long as I did. I'm angry. There's a part of me that desperately wants to loves you still, but there's a larger part of me that is so angry I don't know if I can. That's all."

Derek stared at Addison, as she fiddled with the wedding ring on her finger.

"Well, Derek, say something. I know you want to." Her voice was bitter.

"I'm sorry. I know that doesn't do anything, I know making that room doesn't do anything either. But I mean both of them. I can't even begin yet to comprehend how you feel. I know I've been horrible, but I can't grasp the magnitude yet. I can't."

"Well, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know."

Addison felt anger bubble in her throat. "You don't know? What does that mean? Do you think that suddenly, since you're all understanding and whatever the hell else, you speaking in that calm little voice of yours can change anything?"

"Addison, I know it can't."

"Then why are you still talking like that? God, Derek, what did you think would happen when you painted that room?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know anything anymore? Wait, I know what you do know. You know how to screw with someone's mind so badly they're left running around in circles until the world stops spinning."

"Addison, calm down, that's not good for the baby."

"Oh, so you know what's good for the baby. Then shouldn't you know that you telling me to abort this baby wasn't a good idea? That you leaving me alone wasn't a good idea? That you messing with everything wasn't a good idea?"

"Addison, I can't change what I said."

"Well, you're sure as hell not trying."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you think what's done is done, what's in the past is there. While that may be true, you're ignoring it Derek. Do you know how many nights I spent in tears, even before the pregnancy? How many times I questioned marrying you? How much I wished that something horrible would happen, just so I'd have an excuse to leave you? Do you understand anything? Does anything go through your thick head anymore?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's not enough."

"I realize that."

"Then why the hell do you keep saying it?"

"Because it's all I can do right now. I can't answer any of those questions. I've put you through hell more than once."

"Damn right you have."

"Addison, can you listen to me? What happened to you? You never seemed angry before."

"I was too busy hiding it. But now, after this, I don't care. I want to love you again, Derek, and there's a part of me that still does. But there's too much."

"No, there's not." Derek surprised Addison by grabbing her hands. She didn't pull away, just let him touch her hands.

"There is."

"Too much for Addison and Derek? The crazy guy who fell in love with this girl the second he saw her and spent weeks trying to win her over? The beautiful woman who has so much baggage that even soap operas can't compare? We're just crazy enough for each other, Addison; I knew it at dinner the first night."

"The only baggage I have is your fault."

"No, it's not. Your parents never talked to you Addison, you don't even know them now. You still tend to feel like the unwanted girl you were in high-school, even if now you're the farthest thing from it. You have so much, and while I've certainly contributed to it, I know it's what makes us work as well as we do."

Addison shook her head. "I'd love to believe you, but I can't."

"I love you, Addison; I'm not giving up on you just like that. You can ignore me all you want, but I'm not giving up. You're angry; fine. You hate me? Fine. You don't love me? Fine. But I'm not letting you go again. I can't."

"Why this sudden change of heart?"

"It's not sudden."

"Not six weeks ago you told me you wanted me but not this baby. Now you want and love us both?"

"Yes, I do."

"I can't believe it."

"Fine. Don't. I'll just be here."

Addison stood up and walked over to the counter. She poured herself a cup of coffee and was about to take a sip when Derek spoke.

"Addison, coffee's bad for the baby."

"Derek, I'm an OB/GYN. I'm aware it's not the best thing, but it's not the worst. I only drink a cup a day. I'll be fine."

Derek closed his mouth and watched her drain the cup in front of him. She slammed it down on the counter, staring at Derek the entire time.

"I have to go into work."

"Me too. Come on, we can drive together."

Addison shook her head. "No."

Derek looked at her firmly. "Yes, we can. Save gas. Save the planet."

"Since when have you cared about the planet?"

"For as long as I've cared about my wife."

"That recently, huh?"

Addison's words stung Derek. Slapping him across the face would've hurt less. He had known this wouldn't be easy, but he had figured Addison still loved him enough. Apparently he showing he loved her and the baby caused the dam holding back her feelings to burst.

Addison grabbed her keys and walked outside, Derek following her.

"You can't just follow me into the car, you know."

Derek opened the door for Addison as she glared at him.

"And why not?"

Derek walked over to the other side of the car and slid into the passenger seat. She rolled her eyes and started up the car. "I swear to God, if you try to talk at all, I'm kicking you out of the car."

Derek nodded, watching her drive. She glared at the road ahead. If her eyes could start fires, all of New York and the surrounding cities would be in flames.

They arrived at the hospital and Addison quickly parked, walking as fast as she could into the hospital. She stepped into the elevator and Derek followed her.

"God, Derek, get a hobby. I'm not going to forgive you just because you are acting like a little dog."

"I know, but if I don't follow you around like a dog, then you're going to think I'm forgetting you. And I'm not. I won't. Can't. I'm in the process of trying to get you to stop hating me. As difficult as it is, someone has to do it." The grin on Derek's face made Addison all the angrier. She had wanted Derek back, but now that he was, she didn't want him. She was too angry.

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**A/N: So, now Addison's mad. But we didn't think she'd forgive Derek right then and there, now did we?**

**And Derek's being so nice it's like he's not the same person. But he has to be, so we'll make him out of his character for a bit.**

Reviews make me happy. And if I'm happy, I feel more like writing. Meaning we could get this resolved faster, making you happy. 


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: So, I had a dream that I was Addison and Derek's kid the other night…hah. It kind of wouldn't work as well, seeing as how they would've had to have had me about four or so years before they married…but sh. It's possible. It was a nice dream…there was a big crisis and then after we were all sitting on couches with Burke and the Chief talking about my career when I got older…and all I remember saying was that I didn't really have a choice, laughing as I looked over at them both, (and they were so happy!) but then my alarm rang. It was quite tragic.**

**Anyway, this story is affecting my mind. Honestly. (As a side, I'd trade Addison and Derek as parents for my crazy, oldest-of-six family any day.) Here's another chapter. Happy reading! Love to all my reviewers, the loyal and the new ones.**

** As kind of another note, this chapter involves a patient who was raped, which might be sensitive to people. I am not in any way trying to play it off by the actions of the character, if that's what it seems like. I modeled Liz after a girl in my class last year who was stuck in the same situation, and she was so nice and tried to smile and laugh a lot, so that she wouldn't be seen as falling apart. She tried to be cheerful all the time, even though inside she was horribly damaged. Anyway, I do hope no one finds fault with Liz's cheerfulness, because it's not that she's 100 fine. She just wants everyone to think she is.   
**

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Derek found Addison standing in front of the vending machines, before pressing buttons. A small container of instant Spaghetti-O's popped out from the display and Addison picked it up before shoving it in the microwave nearby.

"Pathetic."

Addison said nothing, furiously pressing the buttons.

"You would rather eat fake meat and highly processed noodles than risk being caught by me in the cafeteria? Is it really that bad?"

Addison glared at the microwave, willing it to speed up. For the past day and a half Derek had been following her around, watching her surgeries, buying her hot chocolate and water and everything she could've thought of.

"I mean, seriously Addison, you haven't had to eat that since college. We could afford to go out to lunch every single day if we wanted. Put down the Spaghetti-O's and go out to lunch with me."

The microwave beeped and Addison grabbed her lunch and a plastic fork before stalking off, making her way back up the stairs.

"You know, I'm just going to keep following you. There will be no space given by me. None. You've had plenty of space, now it's time to crowd."

Derek kept following Addison, talking as she attempted to lose him in the hospital crowd. Addison was fed up with Derek's sudden change of heart, but yelling at him only seemed to encourage it. He was constantly joking around in attempts to lighten the mood. And joking was not the correct course of action to take.

"And so I went into the surgery and Bill didn't actually need me and-"

"Derek!"

"What, darling?"

"Shut up. I don't want to hear you talking. Or around. Or joking. Like joking will change things. Honestly."

"I'm just trying to win you back. I can't be serious then. I have to be quirky and talk all the time. Like when we first started dating. Then after a few dates we really started dating and I became a bit more serious. Likewise here."

"Are you serious?"

"What?"

"Do you think I'm having sex with you? Then you'll become serious?"

"Addison, I just want you back. Then we can talk. Right now, you're too tense, too angry. I could either ignore you again, making you more angry, or make you more angry by following you around and joking until you realize just what you're missing."

"You?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's not a lot."

"Ouch."

"Will you go away now?"

Derek shrugged. "Sure. I have some business to take care of."

"Thank God."

"But don't worry, sweetie, I'll be back."

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Derek took a taxi out to Nancy's house, further out of the depths of the city. He walked up to the black doorway and knocked on the door. His 15 year-old niece, Laura, opened the door. She held a bowl of Lucky Charms and looked at him strangely.

"Hey, Uncle Derek."

"Laura. Is your mom here?"

She shook her head, watching him amusedly. "She left about an hour ago for some emergency surgery.

"Damn." He looked up, his face guilty. "Sorry."

Laura shrugged. "Mom's called you much worse things."

Derek grimaced. Laura took a bite of her cereal and chewed it.

"I bet Mom will be back soon. Jackie's home for a week or so, we're watching TV, you can come sit awkwardly between us if you like."

Derek nodded and stepped inside. He followed Laura into the living room.

"Uncle Derek." Jackie smirked. Jackie had never really liked Derek, for some unknown reason, however, she and Addison got along quite well.

"Jackie. How's Cornell?"

"Well, I haven't exactly started yet, but I'm sure this next year will be just as great as last year."

"That's good."

"It is."

Jackie pressed play and the show started again.

"What are you watching?"

"Sh!" Laura glared at him as she paused the show. "We're watching Gilmore Girls. We had to tape the last episode, because we always watch the season finales together. Jackie just got back from stupid Germany, so we've saved it. And now you're ruining it. Shut up."

Derek nodded and Laura started the show again. He watched forty-five minutes of nonstop chatter on the show, and at the end both Jackie and Laura were on the edge of their seats, sobbing.

"You made me wait all summer? I hate you." Laura was hugging her knees to her chest, alternating between letting sighs escape, sobs escape, and glaring at her sister.

Jackie grinned. "But now you have to wait less to find out what happens next."

"But Rory…and Dean…right after Jess came back."

"I know! Jess was so…Jess…and…God, why can't he just whisk Rory away?"

"And Luke and Lorelai…finally!"

Jackie smiled as she pulled out the tape. She watched Derek struggle with the show.

"Did you get all that, Uncle Derek?"

He shrugged. "It was a bit confusing, but I think I've got it."

"So then what did you think of Rory sleeping with Dean?" Jackie had a horrible grin on her face; she enjoyed watching him in pain.

Derek squirmed. "Well…she made a mistake…"

"You're darn right she did." Nancy's voice shocked all three of them. "If I ever catch either of you girls sleeping with a married man who is not your husband, I will kill you both, understand? There are plenty of single men in the world, don't sleep with the married ones. Unless, of course, you're the one married to him."

Jackie and Laura nodded.

"Good. Now, other than that, pull yourselves together and remember it's a television show. Go fix your makeup or read a book. I have to take care of your Uncle Derek."

Laura grinned wickedly albeit her tears. "You're in for hell."

"Laura!"

"Sorry. I mean…you're in for a grand old time. Mom's completely in love with you right now."

Nancy glared at her daughter as she trailed Jackie up the stairs. "She's too sarcastic for my own tastes."

Derek wanted to comment on that, but decided keeping his mouth shut was probably the best idea right now.

"Anyway, I'm not exactly in your neighborhood so what do you want?"

"I need your help."

"Doing what?"

"Winning Addison back."

Nancy snorted. "Yeah right."

"I'm serious."

"Addison plus one?"

"Yes, both of them. You haven't talked to her recently, have you?"

"No, not for a week at least."

"Well, I've been over to her apartment. She moved out."

"I know. With good reason. I suggested it."

"But I made a room for the baby. I painted and everything. And she came to see it and then we talked. Well, she yelled. And now…now I just follow her around at the hospital."

"Follow her around…"

"Trying to make her laugh. I joke."

Nancy glared at him, confused. "You joke?"

"Yes…"

"Oh, my God. You're an idiot."

"Why?"

"You think you can erase all that by joking? You're not serious."

"I don't want to erase it all. But she's so angry right now, Nancy. I can't just leave her again, so I am my annoying self."

"And you need my help…"

"I just need you not to hate me."

Nancy smirked. "Do you remember Renee's order? I do believe it was Addison first, then us. And by the looks of it, you've got a long shot before you even get Addison to stop hating you, let alone love you."

"But I love her."

"Oh, you do? Because I would've never guessed."

"I do. Now. I didn't know before."

"But now, since you do, it's all okay, right? Wrong. Derek, you can't expect her to fall for you again right away. Do other little things, meaningful things. And give her time. Don't let her go, but don't get to close."

"Was that advice?"

"Never. I have to start dinner, and unless you planned on staying, which I hope to God you didn't, you have to go."

"I didn't plan on staying."

"Good." She led Derek to the front door. As he grabbed the handle, she spoke again. "Derek, it's not that we don't want you back. It's that we don't want an ass back. We want the real Derek back. Got it?"

Derek nodded. "I'm trying to find him amid the mess I created."

"That's the way. By the way, although we all pretty much hate you, Mom's Labor Day party is next weekend, and she expects you both there. Addison she wants to see; you she's not so sure, but you'll pass if Addison's there. And if you're not an ass. Which no one can guarantee, but you should try it."

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"Elizabeth Manex. I'm your doctor, Addison Shepherd."

"It's Liz."

"Okay, Liz. How are you feeling?"

"Well, for a girl who was raped, and then got pregnant from it; I'm feeling pretty good." She smiled weakly. Addison smiled back, trying not to notice the pain in the girl's eyes. "But I have a question. Am I supposed to feel like my heart is on fire?"

Addison nodded. "That's completely normal. However, I can give you a painkiller, if you like."

"That'd be great. If you don't mind me asking, are you pregnant?"

Addison smiled. "I am."

"When are you due?"

"December 17."

"A couple of weeks after me. I can't say you're lucky. I'm kind of looking forward to getting this baby out of me and with the Robsons."

"The Robsons are…?"

"This baby's adoptive parents."

"You're not keeping the baby?"

"God, no. I can barely remember to wear the right uniform to school; I obviously can't care for a baby. Nope. I just stuck out the pregnancy and then I'm giving it up for adoption. My parents are pretty much supportive, although I still get strife from even walking that late at night." Liz shook her head to scare off the memory of her rape. "But yeah, the Robsons want this little life and I'm happy to give it to them."

"May I ask why you didn't abort the baby?"

"I think that this baby just had to be born. I mean, this kid has a whole life ahead of them; I don't want to cut it off. A lot of people at school do, because I got expelled for being pregnant, but I'd rather be expelled and have to switch schools than cut off this little life. Besides, maybe this whole thing will discourage me from ever having kids." Liz laughed.

"Excuse me, Dr. Shepherd?"

Addison spun around to find Derek standing there, a mischievous grin on his face."

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd."

"I need a consult."

"Just give me a moment, please."

"Not a problem." Derek stepped to the side and watched Addison as she finished checking on Liz.

Liz looked at Derek, wide-eyed. "You're married to him?"

Addison nodded. "Yes."

"Oh my God, that is going to be one beautiful baby."

Addison smiled. "You think?"

"It's going to have fabulous hair, gorgeous eyes, and a perfect smile. Not to mention two parents who will make all of their friends parents cringe."

"And yours is going to have a fantastic disposition, beautiful freckles, and the prettiest wave in their hair."

"Yeah, well, I'll never really know that. However, I'll take your word for it. You've been a doctor longer than I've been studying biology, so you'll be right."

A tall boy with brown hair and green eyes walked into the room. "Liz!"

"Peter! What are you doing here?"

"Well, you're pregnant."

"It's just an exam."

"I know that. But I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

Liz smiled. Her entire face lit up and her eyes unclouded.

"I mean, aren't I still allowed to come visit my best friend even if she is pregnant by some other guy?"

Liz punched him in the arm. "Because we were so dating before I got pregnant."

"This close, Lizzie, this close."

Liz made a face. "Don't call me that."

"Why? You know you secretly love it. You wait all day for me to call you that."

"Damn you, Peter Trinket, you figured me out." Liz laughed.

"Can you go?"

"Nope. I have to stay here for a little bit while they run tests."

"Can I go buy you a book?"

Liz smiled and nodded. "But nothing too fluffy. A nice 19th century novel would be great. Something I haven't read."

Peter looked at her. "Like that gives me anything."

"Shut up and go buy me a book."

He squeezed Liz's hand before quickly walking out of the room, past Addison and Derek, as they had been semi-consciously watching from the corner.

Liz blushed as he left. "Sorry about that. I didn't know he would come."

Addison waved her hand. "It's good to have someone there."

"Yeah. It is. He's one of the few people who will still talk to me. That, or, one of the few openly defying his parents' objections to talking to me."

"I hope you're not offended by this, but I have to ask, are you sure it's not his baby?"

Liz laughed and blushed simultaneously. "I'm sixteen. I know that doesn't mean anything anymore, but I've never even been kissed." She paused, and here the same look of horror crossed her face. "Well, I've never been really kissed, so no, I'm pretty darn sure it's not his. Unless I'm like the next Mary or something. Pregnant with Jesus version 2.0"

Derek gave a full laugh from the corner of the room. Addison glared at him, but he continued laughing.

"When Peter said we were close to dating, that meant that he asked me out to dinner the same night I took my pregnancy test. We were close. But when he found out I was pregnant he stopped and just became my best friend again. Which I was good with, given the time. Anyway, I know you have to go off with your gorgeous husband, so I won't bore you."

"You're not boring me."

Liz laughed. "Well, either way. Thanks so much. I can go home in a little bit, right?"

"Later this afternoon, of course."

"Great. Thanks."

Addison turned out of the room, Derek following her. He led her down the room to a deserted corridor.

"Here, in case you feel the urge to yell at me again. This way everyone won't hear you."

Addison stared at him, her face set in stone. "Consult?"

"Well, it's more of a husband-consult."

Addison gave him a confused look.

"According to Nancy, Mom's Labor Day party is next weekend. She wants us there."

"Fine."

"Really? You can get the weekend off?"

"Yeah. I like your family. I'm just not a fan of you right now."

"Am I not part of this family?"

"Well, they all pretty much hate you, I'd say that's pretty much disownment."

"I guess that's true. I'm trying to get you back first."

"Good luck with that."

They stood there for a moment, so close it was as if they were touching, before Derek broke the silence. "Was Liz raped?"

Addison nodded.

"She's brave."

"Mhm."

"And she's got one amazing best friend."

"Yep."

"Aw, come on, you were so happy and almost…bubbly with Liz."

"Yeah, well, now I'm with Derek. You do the math." With that, Addison turned on her half-inch heels and walked away from Derek.

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**A/N: I know that the reaction Jackie and Mackenzie had for the season four finale of Gilmore Girls exists, because it happened to me. My mother thought I was absolutely insane; she still does to this day. I probably am. **

**So, we have the entire Shepherd family together next chapter. Chaos ensues. Mark will eventually reappear, but he won't have a huge part: I don't think. Addison's still angry with Derek but he's trying…in his own way. Whether or not it's the right way, well, that's up for debate. **

**Review and I'll give you a pasty. And if you don't know what that is, Google it, now! Not a request. **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** **So, a bit of a story. On my school laptop, my cat pulled off the spacebar and now I have to wait for a new keyboard to arrive in the mail. So it was all written out but I can't exactly get anywhere on that computer. Which kind of sucks because I have a test Tuesday and all my notes are on the other one. So we're rewriting. Because I can. And because I am too frustrated with the other computer. Why the spacebar? Why not like the letter X or something? Who ever uses an X?**

**End Rant. Lovely reviews. I think we'll be hitting 100 soon. Yay!**

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Addison and Derek pulled up in front of his mother's green farmhouse, about two hours into New Jersey. She had moved here after Derek had entered college. It was large; with room enough for all of the Shepherd clan. But, as his mom had always said, their apartment in the heart of New York had too many memories for Emily Shepherd to comfortably live there alone.

"Well, Addison, here we are."

"I'm aware."

"Can you please stop hating me, at least in front of our relatives?"

"Why? Do you think Nancy, Kathleen, Renee, or Meg will be kind to you?"

"No. But can't I ask my wife to?"

"You asked. I'm choosing to ignore you."

Addison pushed in on the door and walked into Derek's four sisters, conversing on the couch.

"Addison!" Renee's head shot up and all four ran over to give her a hug. Completely ignoring Derek, they began to speak to her.

"Come, sit. You're missing it. Seth brought his fiancée."

Addison gasped. She looked at Meg. "Did you know he had a fiancée?"

"Nope. And I didn't even know he was dating. I don't particularly like her, though."

"Meg, no one does."

"Why not?"

Just then, a girl with dark brown hair breezed into the room. "I cannot believe how many kids you all have." She looked at Addison, frowning. "And I see we're going to have more. God, keep your legs closed. Seth said he had cousins, but I didn't know his cousins were planning to repopulate the world. Some people just don't know when to stop."

As soon as she came, she was gone. Nancy groaned. "That's Isabella. Or, as we are all to call her, Isa."

"Isa?"

Renee nodded. "So far, we know that she lived in Italy until she was 19. She then moved to New York. Her parents are divorced. She doesn't approve of large families. She thinks that marriage is stupid and idiotic, but she is getting married to Seth because he asked her and she couldn't refuse. She has no siblings. She didn't bother going to college. She's a receptionist. And seems to hate all of us."

"Well, that's always good."

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Derek was still standing oddly by the door, unsure of where to go. He finally settled on walking into the kitchen, only to find his mother standing over the stove.

"Mom?"

"Derek." Emily Shepherd stared at her son with wary eyes.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm doing well. Yourself?"

"Just fine. I guess. I just…I'm trying so hard to get Addison to stop hating me. With little success."

She said nothing, only continued slicing potatoes.

"I never talked to you about that. I assume you know. It took me a long time. To figure out what an idiot I was, I mean. It was stupid of me. I was horrible to my wife. And then I realize and now all I've been trying to do is get Addison to stop hating me. I'm sorry."

Emily looked up, surprised. "What are you sorry to me for?"

"For disappointing you."

"Shouldn't you be saying that to Addison?"

"I have been. But I need to say it to you, too."

She said nothing for a few moments, before offering Derek a potato and a knife. Derek smiled, knowing that she had, in her own way, accepted Derek back in.

"So, have you done anything for Addison?"

"I follow her around, trying to make her laugh. I make her dinner, and I also put together the baby's room. She's just not…responding."

"Well, you did destroy her."

"I know. Which is why I just keep trying."

"She'll come around."

"You think so?"

"I know it."

Just then, Emma and Andy, Meg's two youngest, came in. They had been playing outside with their father, uncle and older cousins. Emma, the youngest of all, was seven. It made Derek feel very young.

"Grandma, when are we going to have dinner?"

"In a while, Emma."

The two tromped downstairs to watch television with their older cousins.

"Martha, Laura, make sure it's appropriate. Emma and Andy are coming down." Emily shut the basement door behind them both and looked back at the stew she was making. She dumped in the potatoes and wiped her hands on her apron.

"Just don't let Addison go again."

"I won't."  
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Dinner was ready in less than three hours. They all sat in the backyard. Everyone was there, all fifteen nieces and nephews and their parents. And Isa. Whom everyone was pretending didn't exist.

Derek sat next to Addison, earning him glares from all of his sisters. The talk was lively and animated. It shifted to the baby more than once, but Derek was kept out of the conversation, very subtly.

Addison felt more comfortable here, with Derek's family, than anywhere else. She felt loved and wanted. Derek kept staring at her. She knew he wanted to say something. But around his overprotective sisters, he was more cautious. However, after dinner, as Emily cleared with the help of Renee and Meg; Derek asked Addison to take a walk with him.

They walked around in the sweet summer air for a long time, before Derek spoke.

"I'm going to tell the Chief I need less hours. And if he doesn't give them to me, I'll switch hospitals. I'm going to be home a lot more now. And I'm taking all of January off. I'm going to spend it with you and the baby."

Addison just shook her head and said nothing. She didn't believe it.

"Addison, I can't tell you how sorry I am. For what I was. And what I'll still be sometimes in the future. I can try to change, but it's never fully successful. But please, talk to me. What do you think right now?"

"I think that even though you say you're trying to change and you're getting different hours, I think that I can't believe you."

"Why not?"

"Because you always say you're going to change. Then you slip right back into what you were."

"I know. I'm sorry. I mean it this time. I know you don't believe me. But I'm not lying. I almost lost you through all of this, and it was my entire fault. I don't even know what I was thinking. I can't live without you."

"You obviously can. You didn't talk to me for months. You'd rarely come home. And you were still alive."

Derek said nothing. He looked down at the ground, memorizing every crack.

"Addison, if you don't want me anymore, why don't you divorce me?"

Addison felt tears slip down her cheeks. She sat down on a bus stop bench. Derek sat next to her.

"I can't divorce you, Derek. I can't. I want to be yours again so badly. But I don't want to be hurt again."

Derek grabbed her hand but she snatched it away.

"I really want to trust you Derek. I want to believe that what you've been telling me isn't just sweet nothings. But I can't. I want to. But I can't. You hurt me too much."

"I'm so sorry." Derek murmured it under his breath.

"Being sorry is still not enough."

"Addison, if I lose you, I'm going to lose my wife, my best friend, and my kid, all in one snatch. So tell me what I have to do to hold onto you."

"Don't lose me. That's what you have to do to keep me. Don't lose me."

Derek said nothing, just watched tears stream down Addison's face

Addison's voice cracked. "Please don't lose me."

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Addison and Derek got back to find everyone out in back playing football. Nancy looked at Addison as she sat in a chair, but Addison didn't say anything. She watched Derek run around with the kids and couldn't help but wonder if one day he would be running around with theirs.

Isa came over and sat next to Addison. "I like your shoes."

Addison looked down at her flats and nodded. "Thanks. I usually wear heels, but this baby has me shrinking my heel size."

Isa pointed to her own three inch heels. "I love high heels." She paused. "I'm sorry if I come off as a bitch." When Addison smirked, Isa shrugged. "Well, I was a bitch. I'm just nervous. I mean, Seth and I just started dating about eight months ago, and then he proposes. And tells me we're going to his grandma's to meet his entire family. I am just horrible. My family wasn't that great. I mean, my parents divorced six years ago and my dad and I moved here while my mom carried on in Italy. My older brother is a failure by their standards, so they've shunned him. I just, I'm not used to this."

Addison smiled. "I was horribly nervous when I first visited this. Derek and I were engaged, and I came for Christmas. It was overwhelming. I'm an only child. My mom tried her hardest, but I was only angry with her. My father and I got along wonderfully, when we talked. Which wasn't often. So coming to this type of family was scary."

"And I'm sorry for saying that about your pregnancy. I really am. I just get really bitchy when I'm terrified."

"It's okay."

"I hope your baby turns out fine."

"Well, you'll get to see that progression. You're almost part of the Shepherd clan. Well, the Shepherd/Leech/Fuller/Joyce/Olson clan."

Isa smiled. "Yeah, I guess I am."

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Addison lay in the single bed that night, twisting and turning. Emily had always put them in these single beds. Even when they were married. Derek used to always come over and sleep with Addison, and then usually they had tried to quietly make love. But with Meg and her husband Joel sleeping in the other corner on a mattress, their attempts were usually heard and a source of amusement for the rest of the family the next morning at breakfast. The past few times they had been here, though, there had been nothing of the sort. They had stuck to their own beds, Derek too tired to make an effort.

She heard Derek turning in his bed, but then there was no movement and his breathing seemed steadier. Addison turned again, trying to get comfortable. She didn't want to think, she just wanted to sleep.

Right as she was almost asleep, she felt Derek crawl into bed next to her, wrapping his arms carefully around her and the baby.

"Derek…"

"Sh…"

"But…"

"I just want to hold you. So I don't lose you."

Addison felt tears catch in the back of her throat, and swallowed in an attempt to rid herself of them. But as she swallowed, the lump grew. Derek, of course, could sense all this and kissed her hair.

"I love you, Addison."

Two single tears rolled down Addison's cheeks. Derek pulled her closer, closing the space between them. Addison gulped, and then whispered back before she lost her nerve.

"I love you too, Derek."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N: Read that, look! She said it, he said it; they both said it! Things are looking up! And it's not even Labor Day yet, so we still have more time at Emily Shepherd's. The four sisters haven't even begun. And Derek's less annoying...probably due to his sisters. They probably scare him. **

**Don't get lulled into a false sense of hope, please. I'm begging you. They're on somewhat of an oasis here at Casa Shepherd. I hate to say it, but Derek's going to screw it up again soon. Damn him. (I can't help it, I swear. I wish I could. But I'm simply writing what they choose, right?)**

**Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So I went to the first meeting of Addek-Denial Anonymous. It was refreshing. But I'm still in denial. It's so bad. I know. Alas. **

**I wrote this chapter at one in the morning. I listened to A Fine Frenzy and the Goo Goo Dolls while I wrote it. So if it's whacked? Well. My fault. **

**One final thing. I was checking something on Wikipedia on Derek to make sure he was Catholic. On the side, it had his relationships. Under Meredith's name it says ex-girlfriend /lover /****soulmate****. I underlined for effect. So uh, someone needs to take out that soulmate from Meredith. Put it under Addison's ex-wife status. Please…it's sickening. **

**  
These reviews are freaking fantastic! I wish I could give you all a cup of coffee. How about a ****really**** fluffy chapter instead? Good. I'm glad that works. **

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Meg and Kathleen smiled down at Addison and Derek, wrapped closely together.

"They look so happy."

"Especially Addison."

"Did they…?"

Kathleen pulled back the comforter and saw the outline of them beneath the sheets. "No. Clothes on. Plus, she's pregnant. And all my pregnant sex wasn't the greatest."

Meg said nothing but a smile played on her face.

"Okay, so yours was great."

Meg shrugged. "It wasn't bad."

Kathleen laughed. "The way I see it, we've got three situations. The first is that Derek crawled in when she was asleep. The second is that he came over when she was up and she…let him stay. The third is that Addison…wanted him to come."

"Do any seem possible?"

"Based on the Derek we know, the Addison we know, and the current combination everyone knows, no."

"So then, what is it?"

"Some freak accident? I mean, they didn't exactly look happy after their walk last night."

Derek stirred in bed and the two stopped talking. He opened his eyes and blearily stared at them.

"What the hell?"

Meg grinned sheepishly. "We were just commenting on you and Addison."

"Oh, dear God."

Kathleen smirked. "And we have to leave for Mass in forty-five minutes. I know you and Addison aren't exactly the most pious people, but Mom expects you to go."

"Can you two get the hell out of the room?"

"Careful, Derek, let Mom hear that kind of language, on a Sunday especially, and she might just kill you."

Kathleen laughed and followed Meg out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Derek watched Addison's chest rise and fall, and played with the ends of her hair. When it was obvious she was still asleep, he slipped out of bed and took a shower. He came back dressed thirty minutes later to find Addison dressing.

"You know, some people don't look this good in maternity clothes. But you, Addison, are an exception. A very gorgeous exception."

Addison laughed. "You think?"

"It's taking all of my willpower not to kiss you right now."

There was a silence in the air. Addison stopped and felt her breath catch. Derek hadn't kissed her, really kissed her, for months. Ever since she had told him about the baby. He hadn't talked about it. Minus the whole cheek kiss.

Without even realizing it, they were standing next to each other. Derek looked at Addison. They were both unable to breathe. Addison kept watching his mouth.

"Really, Derek?" Addison's voice was breathy and light, causing Derek's entire body to tense. "Because it's taking all my willpower as well."

That was all he needed. Derek quickly kissed Addison in frenzy. Her head swirled as Derek pulled her close, as close as humanly possible. She wrapped her hands through his hair, tangling them up. Derek's tongue carefully moved about her mouth. He didn't want to miss anything. Addison whimpered as he did this, and he pulled her closer and closer. It had been a long time since they'd kissed like this.

Addison brought her hands to the top button of Derek's shirt, unbuttoning it.

"Addie, not now, we have, Mass." It took Derek everything to stop her. Every part of himself.

Addison sighed heavily and broke apart. Derek leaned his forehead on hers, catching his breath.

"That was…" Addison trailed off. It was many things.

"Wow. I forgot how good we were at that."

She smiled. She hadn't forgotten. She knew Derek was the only man who could make her lose her breath and catch it in one kiss.

"But we'd better get downstairs."

Addison nodded. Derek grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through hers. The walked through the door and Derek stopped in the hallway.

"You should know, though, that there's this girl."

Addison felt her heart stop. Derek…was…Derek…couldn't have. She felt her mouth dry. She looked away from Derek. Tears met her eyes and she tried to move away, but Derek held her by the wrists and continued talking.

"And she's got beautiful red hair, she's a certified OB/GYN and neo-natal surgeon, and she's pregnant with my baby. And she isn't just a fling. I'm completely in love with her." Derek had a cocky grin on his face as he watched Addison come to the realization.

Addison sighed and felt saliva fill her mouth. She wanted to kill Derek for the scare. Her tears escaped her and she found her voice. "Really? She sounds wonderful."

"She is. I've never been more deeply in love in my life. I think I'm going to stay with her forever."

"Then you should know that I've been seeing a man."

"Yeah?"

"He's arrogant and cocky most of the time, and he really screwed it up recently."

"Idiot. Letting the likes of you slip away."

"And yet I can't help being completely in love with him. He's fixing what he broke. He can take my breath away just by smiling at me. And I think he loves me."

"I'd bet anything he's madly in love with you. I want to meet him one day."

"Maybe you will."

Addison and Derek both smiled at each other and paused, their eyes drawing them into each other. Derek touched Addison's cheek and she placed her hands on the side of his face.

"Well, if it isn't the lovebirds." Nancy came up the steps, looking at them in the hallway.

Addison jumped about a mile and Derek glared at Nancy.

"I'm sorry, little brother. Didn't mean to ruin your moment." Nancy smirked as she continued down the hall. She turned into her room and left Addison and Derek standing there. They walked downstairs into chaos. Everyone was in a flurry to get to the cars and to church so they could get enough pews. Addison and Derek quietly went out to their car, saying nothing to each other. But it wasn't their usual tense silence. It was just a silence.

Addison knew they were not fixed. But last night, spending the whole night with Derek simply holding her, had changed a bit. She just wanted to be happy this weekend. She deserved a bit of naïve happiness for now. And Derek was trying. He really was.

Derek tried to keep his eyes on the road but they kept getting distracted by Addison. They had kissed this morning. Kissed. And not the peck on the cheek that had happened a few weeks before. Addison had melted into him. It was one hell of a kiss. Derek really had forgotten how much her kisses could affect him.

As they arrived at church they slipped into a pew and spread coats over the rest of it to save the seats. Derek leaned close to Addison, his head resting on top of hers.

"Your hair smells amazing. Like…raspberries."

Addison closed her eyes and leaned back on Derek, her head fitting into the crook of his neck. Derek took her hand and their wedding rings clinked together. He rubbed her rings.

"I tried to take them off."

Derek looked shocked. "When?"

"After lunch with Nancy. I went back to the hospital we were at for internship. I tried to take them off. But it didn't feel right when I did."

"I tried calling a divorce lawyer."

"And?"

"I couldn't bring myself to speak. All I could think about was losing you. And our baby. I didn't say anything and she hung up. Addison, I know I've said it before, but I have to say it again. I'm so sorry."

"I can't say it's fine, because it's not and we're not. But right now, in this moment, okay."

As Mass started the rest of their family arrived and filled in the seats. Derek pulled out the hymnbook and opened up to the correct page. As he did, he couldn't help but smile. He traced his finger on the words. He saw Addison staring at him and he showed the book to her.

Written in the margins and on a blank page was a conversation he had had with Addison eleven years ago. In this hymnbook. In this same church, probably a few pews ahead or behind of their current position.

_We can't serve chicken at our wedding, Derek._

_**It's cheaper.**_

_Excuse me; my parents are paying for this wedding. Why does it matter?_

_**I like chicken. This wedding? Your first of many? Will my parents pay for the next one?**_

_It's too cheap. It makes us look like we didn't try. And no, my wedding. Our wedding. Will you shut up?  
__**Chicken is a staple at weddings. I'm sticking with the chicken. Your wedding now? Our wedding? Which is it? And I can't exactly shut up. My mouth's not even open.**_

_God, I think I hate you._

_**You're adorable when you're angry. I have three-quarters of a mind to kiss you right now.**_

_We're supposed to be bowed in prayer. It would be inappropriate. And what about the other quarter?_

_**Since when do you know all this religious jargon? The other quarter wants to do something much more inappropriate with you.  
**_

_Since your priest just said 'Bow with me in prayer.' And Derek, we agreed. We can't have sex when we're at your mom's. It never works._

_**Humph. And that's not true. It worked that one time.**_

_It's only a few more days, sweetie. What one time?_

_**The closet.**_

_Oh yeah. _

_**You're blushing.**_

_Asshole._

_**Cursing in the hymnbook. Welcome to Hell, Addison Forbes Montgomery soon-to-be-Shepherd.**_

_You better come with me._

_**I'd follow you to Hell. Back too. The Devil couldn't handle the competition for that long. He'd kick you out.**_

_Shut up. I love you._

_**I love you, too.**_

Addison looked up, tears forming in her eyes. These hormones were killing her. Derek kissed her on her hair, desperately trying to keep his emotions in check as well. Eleven years later, here they were. A little worse for the wear, but still Addison and Derek. And soon to be Addison and Derek plus one.

"I can't believe you found that," she whispered.

"Neither can I."

"I think it's a sign from God."

"So we believe in godly signs now?"

"This is the exception. It's something, though. It has to be."

Derek smiled and squeezed her hand while he slipped the book into his jacket. He felt a buzzing in the pocket and groaned inwardly. He checked his phone. Surgery. He was required. He looked at Addison. She looked disappointed. He stood up to slip out, keeping her hand. They got out to the parking lot and Derek stopped.

"Listen, I have to go do surgery. But I want you to come with."

"Wait-what?"

"Come back to New York with me. You can watch me operate then we'll go back home." Derek paused, letting 'home' fill the gap between them. "And then we can watch a movie you love and come back here tomorrow for the picnic aspect of it."

Addison didn't dare let herself believe this. "Really?"  
Derek nodded. "You can stay here, but I'd much rather have you there.

"You're asking me to come watch you in surgery?"

"I am indeed."

Addison's face broke into a smile. "Yeah, I'll come with you."

Derek hugged her. "Thank you." He caught sight of her beaming face. "Thank you."

xxxxxxxxxxx

The ride back to New York went quickly. Neither ran out of things to talk about and they almost forgot about everything lying just under the surface.

"We didn't have chicken. I won."

Derek grinned. "My mom told me to give it up and have salmon."

"And you loved it."

"Yes. I just loved seeing you annoyed. It made the whole fight worth it."

"Can you believe we've been married for almost eleven years?"

He shook his head. "But I hope one day it's five times that."

"You think we'll make it 44 more years? Without killing each other?"

"I want to love you always and forever. I tried to divorce myself from those vows. But I couldn't."

Addison said nothing, just looked down at her stomach.

"Is everything okay with the baby? You?"

Addison nodded. "Yeah. Everything's perfect."

Neither spoke for a few minutes before Addison laughed.

"What is it?"

"You stole a hymnbook."

"But it's sentimental."

"But you stole a hymnbook. Derek, that's kind of bad."

"Well. I guess you'll just have to follow me to Hell now."

"I guess I will."

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They got to the hospital by noon. Derek went to his surgery while Addison got a sandwich and sat in the gallery. He looked up and saw his wife smiling at him.

"Let's go, people. It's a beautiful afternoon to save lives."

For the next seven hours, Addison sat and watched Derek in surgery. She was patient and able to just watch. Derek didn't know many people who would do that. But she did. As he got out, she met him with a cup of coffee.

"Great work," she said as she kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks. And thanks for coming with me."

"Not a problem. I've picked a movie."

"Oh yeah? What is it?"

"_The Way We Were."_

"Really? You are an emotional train wreck watching that movie anyway. But you all hormonal and pregnant while we watch that movie?"

"I know. But it's still one of my favorites. It's either that or _An Affair to Remember._"

"Fine. Fine. _The Way We Were_ it is. But we have to stop at the store before we go home."

"Why?"

"Tissues."

Addison smacked him in the arm. "Shut up."

"It's true. We might need two boxes."

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Addison hadn't been at the house for a week. Even though Derek followed her around, she had gone back to her apartment every single night. She entered cautiously.

"It's not different, Addison."

"I know."

"Do you want to change?"

Addison nodded. She went upstairs to their bedroom and changed into pajamas. She took off her makeup and put her hair up. Derek meanwhile called for Italian food and got out the movie. As he set it up, Addison came downstairs.

Unsure of what to do, Addison and Derek both sat down in completely different places. Derek stretched out and his toes brushed the end of the couch.

"Not going to sit by me, Addie?"

Addison smirked but was internally overjoyed he had said something. "Don't worry. I'll hold your hand during the scary parts."

She went over to sit by him on the couch and he arranged the blanket around them both. Addison lay completely still.

"You don't have to be so tense, dear."

Addison let herself fall back into Derek as he wrapped his arms around her.

"That's better."

Their food came an hour into the movie and Addison ate quickly. Derek watched her and laughed.

"I'm starving. That sandwich was not enough. Baby is hungry."

They had skillfully avoided the topic of the baby. They hadn't talked about it or what they would do or anything. Derek wanted to, but he wasn't sure if Addison did. And Addison wanted to, but she wasn't sure if Derek did. Right now, it was their elephant in the room.

As the movie ended, Addison was crying. Derek kept handing her tissues and kissing the top of her head. It was the only thing that helped her after she watched this movie.

"I was terrified that would be us."

Derek looked at Addison and saw how true that statement was. There were large differences, sure, but the reality was true. He had almost left Addison, pregnant. Surely, she would've found someone else. He hadn't had an affair, they weren't exactly thrown together by fate, but they had been growing apart and it had gotten to the last string before he had realized what was happening.

Derek kissed Addison gently on the lips. "It won't be us."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. I won't let it happen."

"You almost did."

"I know."

Addison said nothing.

"I really won't, Addison."

Addison knew he may mean it now. Even in weeks to come. But eventually, he would slip back. Today had been such a day with her and Derek. It was one of those days that reminded her immensely of their dating and early marriage. It's not that she didn't love it. It was just that Addison knew everything wasn't good. And she didn't want to fall into believing it was.

"Do you want to go up to bed?" Derek could tell she was deep in thought.

Addison nodded. She stood up and Derek followed behind her. Addison went into the bathroom to brush her teeth while Derek crawled onto his side, waiting. As she got out he went in.

Ten minutes later both of them were staring at the ceiling. Addison wasn't tired, she wasn't exhausted.

"Derek-"

"Addie-"

They both stopped talking. Addison waited and started again. "Derek, I didn't want this wonderfully perfect day to end badly."

Derek propped his head up with his elbow. "It doesn't have to."

Addison rolled to face him. "What do you mean?"

"I think we should have sex."

Addison was shocked. She said nothing.

"I mean, you're pregnant, yes, but we can be tame. And if we don't have any now, soon you're going to be very pregnant and then we can barely kiss."

Derek kissed Addison before she could respond to that. She couldn't think straight as Derek slowly moved on top of her. He leaned very close to her. "Do you want me to stop, Addie?"

Addison shook her head and Derek kissed her again, more passionate than before. Addison felt her body grow weak and she lost all train of conscious action and thought.

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**A/N: So. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. It actually made me sick. I don't love fluff. So if you're like me, don't worry, I think our dysfunctional couple will be back next chapter. Because I ****did not**** intend this chapter to be so fluffy. I swear. **

**Uh, so if you don't hate me for making this so horribly fluffy, review. If you do hate me, review too. I need some enemies. **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I've actually not forgotten. Rowing started again, school is insane, and it is only now, at 2 in the morning that I finish it. Which leads me to wonder what my problem is. Either way.**

**Also, oh my goodness, it's gone! On Wikipedia. Meredith is not his soulmate or lover. I ****swear**** I was not imagining it there. It was. It's now gone. I don't know how but this is fantastic.**

**I really did try to write the food fight in, that** Maureen **suggested, but Addison and Derek have too much momentum in a forward direction. The idea was ****great****, and I really wanted to do it, but I couldn't bring it in. **

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Addison heard the thunder crash and glass shatter. She woke up with a start and looked over at the window. Rain was pouring into the two broken panes of glass. Granted, they were small panes, but it was storming. She sat up and Derek's arms fell away from her.

"Derek." She whispered it, as Derek was a light sleeper.

Derek moved and found his arms around a pillow.

"Derek!"

Derek woke up and looked around. He saw Addison sitting up, a blanket wrapped around her. "What's wrong?"

Addison pointed to the window. Glass was broken in two of the panes. Derek sighed and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find cardboard. And duct tape. To tape up the windows. Just wait here."

Addison sat in their bed, waiting. Within ten minutes, Derek was back. He had duct tape and cardboard, and placed them over the windows. But as soon as he got them up, they were soaking through and water was dripping onto the ground. Addison smirked.

"Nice work, Mr. Fix-It."

"Oh, you just shut up."

Addison smiled and looked at the clock. It was 3:28. She felt very awake. Derek was sitting up next to her looking at the clock the same way.

"I think we should go back to your mom's."

"It's 3:30 in the morning, Addison. We'd get there at six. At the latest."

"And?"

"And? Addie. That's not an 'and'. That's an, 'okay, let's not go and be thoughtful.'"

"If you're too tired to drive, I can. But Derek, neither one of us is tired. It's storming outside. And don't you want to annoy everyone by stumbling in that early?"

Derek imagined the look on Nancy's face when she woke up hours before she had planned. Addison nodded.

"See."

Derek slid out of bed and put on jeans. "What are you waiting for? Let's go."

Addison laughed and within ten minutes both were in the car and driving through the city. It was still alive this late, but not as busy. Both of them were known for taking walks at this time of night, although always together and always on busy, lighted streets. New York wasn't exactly known for its safety. They drove for a while in peace, the radio softly playing in the background.

"What are you going to name the baby?"

Addison hesitated. She didn't want to fight with Derek right now. And right now, bringing up the baby could do that.

"Addie, I'm just curious. Don't worry."

"Well, if it's a girl I like Ellen. And for a boy I think Paul."

"Ellen Shepherd. Paul Shepherd." Derek let the words roll on his tongue. "Both are beautiful names."

"But, well, if you have ideas, it's not my baby. It's ours."

Derek felt his chest swell. She had called it their baby. Theirs. "Addie, I think I've put you through enough that you get to choose the name."

"Well, you can do middle names."

"What about Ellen Marie?"

Addison wrinkled her nose.

"What's wrong with it?"

"Every girl's middle name is Marie. Or Ann. Or, for a twist, Marie Ann."

"Yours is Forbes."

"Yes, but you know the brief meetings we have with my parents. Are you surprised? They weren't exactly normal."

"Fine. You win. What about Ellen Louise?"

"Louise. Hm."

"You like it."

"I never said that."

"But you do. You like it. Ellen Louise Shepherd."

"It's pretty."

"Like I'm sure any Ellen Louise Shepherd would be."

Addison smiled.

"Now. Paul. Paul Timothy."

"I don't-"

"For my father."

"I was going to say that I don't think there could be a better name."

"Good."

"Ellen Louise. Paul Timothy."

"We can call her Ella," Derek said quietly.

"Ella?"

"Ella. She'll want to be Ellen one day. But Ella for a while."

"It sounds like a princess."

"She would be. With you as her mother? Addie. Think about it."

"Fine. But Paul would be a closet flannel-wearing fisherman."

"Or maybe he'd be an open flannel-wearing fisherman."

"Maybe."

Addison sighed. This could work. Maybe they could make it. Be parents. Together.

"We'll just have to save the other name."

Addison looked at Derek, his eyes drifting sideways towards her. "Save it…"

Derek cleared his throat. "Well, for the uh-, the next baby."

Addison's eyes went wide. She had figured that based on the success-or lack thereof-of this whole pregnancy, it would be the last.

"Well, I mean, that's if, you want one." Derek spoke quickly. "I know you hated being an only child. And as much as my family annoys me, they were good to have. And I don't mean it has to be soon. Or at all. I'm just saying that-" Addison placed her hand on his arm.

"I'd like another. But would you? Really?"

"I would. I'm so sorry that…I didn't want the first. I was afraid of change. But I'd want another."

"One, maybe two, more."

"I can't picture us as parents."

"Neither can I."

"Do you think we'll be good parents?"

"I don't know. Will I be a good mother?"

"I think you'll be a perfect mother. If you're half a mother as you are surgeon, you'll kick ass."

"Well, as long as you keep your cockiness in check, you'll be a great father."

Derek laughed.

"So yesterday, Derek, was amazing."

"Which part of yesterday?"

"All of it. Every moment."

"I'd have to agree. Although some parts were certainly better…"

"Of course."

Derek smiled. The pair drove in relative silence, just reveling in the moment. With no traffic, they arrived at his mother's by 5:15. Derek cut the engine and walked up to the door. Addison laughed as he pressed the bell four times. Nancy and Christopher slept in the living room on the foldout couch and would be the ones who heard them first. After six more rings, Nancy appeared at the door, looking angry.

"Derek and Addison. What the hell?"

"Hey, Nance."

"My dear Lord." Nancy rubbed her forehead and opened the door. "Couldn't you two come later? Even an hour later?"

Derek shrugged. "It's storming."

"I know."

"Addison couldn't fall back asleep. Our window broke."

Nancy shut the door behind them and went back to her bed. She was asleep in moments. Derek grabbed Addison's hand and led her into the kitchen. He kissed her gently on the lips. He pushed a strand of her hair out of her face.

"I think we should make breakfast."

Derek laughed. "Breakfast?"

"We've got a minimum of two hours before anyone is truly up. We could make eggs, bacon, pancakes. Oh, French Toast."

"Really?"

"You sound so surprised."

"Do you know how to cook?"

Addison opened her mouth and looked disgusted. "Derek Shepherd. I can cook."

"Can you cook well?"

Addison said nothing.

"Like I figured. But don't worry. I can. I'll help you."

Addison reached for a pan in the hanging rack and knocked over all 12 of them. Derek smirked as she struggled.

"How are you going to feed Ellen or Paul?"

"I'll figure it out."

"We've never had to feed anyone but ourselves."

"I'm aware."

Derek pulled eggs out of the fridge and set them down on the counter. He threw an apron at Addison and she put it on, covering her clothes. He cracked an egg in the bowl and began to whisk it.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

At six-thirty, Emily Shepherd woke up and walked into the kitchen. What she saw stunned her. Boxes of Bisquick were piled up, boxes she had intended to make that morning. But Addison and Derek were crowded around the stove, scrambling eggs.

"Derek? Addison?"

Derek looked up, handing the spatula to Addison. "Good morning. Coffee?"

Emily looked confused. "Sure."

Derek handed her a cup of coffee with a smile on his face.

"When did you two get here?"

"Five-fifteen."

Addison spoke up. "It was storming. Our window broke, Derek couldn't fix it, and we were both wide awake. So, we decided to come. The breakfast was my idea."

"Okay. What happened to you two?"

"He got lucky." Nancy walked in, grabbing the cup of coffee next to Derek. She took a sip. "Oh, sorry, was that yours?"

Derek sardonically smiled. "Don't worry about it."

"Good. But he really did get lucky. Incredibly lucky, based on his actions the past months."

"Nancy Grace!"

"Sorry, Mom. I'm just stating facts."

"Regardless. We should be happy for Addison and Derek."

"True. I'm sorry."

As Emily walked into the dining room, Nancy simpered. "Damn lucky."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Breakfast passed quickly, the storm raging outside. With all 26 people crammed into one house, fights broke out all morning. Everyone was hoping the storm would pass for the picnic, but such was not the case. Emily prepared the food inside with the help of her four daughters and Addison. Kathleen turned on Addison and looked at her as she sliced potatoes.

"So what did you two do yesterday?"

Addison smiled. "Well, I watched him do his surgery, and then we watched The Way We Were."

"Oh, I love that movie."

"I always bawl like a baby during it," Meg contributed from her soup.

"Oh, God, me too." Renee got misty-eyed just thinking about it.

"And then Derek got lucky."

"Nancy! Again. Keep your comments to yourself."

"I'm sorry Mom, but it's so blatantly true."

Addison blushed. "Is it really?"

"Yes." All four answered at the same time.

"But we do think it's cute."

"Yeah, I mean, we're on your side and we're considering letting Derek back into our family."

"Unless he screws things up again."

"Which is quite likely."

"I mean, probably not as bad, but Derek's good at screwing things up. It's a special talent of his. You should know that."

"Especially in his relationships."

"Yeah. He can't figure out what his problem is until it's too late. Most of the time. I'm glad he figured it out when he did in your situation."

"It took him forever to figure it out, considering."

"But now he's got it. Thank God."

"Yeah, you two are too wonderful for each other to divorce."

Addison felt incredibly self-conscious. Mrs. Shepherd, picking up on this, changed the subject quickly. Addison shot her a grateful smile and she nodded subtly. Addison knew that their marriage might work now. But she didn't need his sisters discussing it.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Addison and Derek lay in their bed that night, Derek with his arms around her, he sighed.

"Are you going to move out of that blasted apartment yet, or am I not done wooing you?"

"Is there going to be a reason for me to come home if I do?"

"Am I a good enough reason?"

"Well…"

"Addie."

"Of course you're a reason. I've already canceled September rent."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. Thank you for coming home."

"Thank you for the room."

"Does anything clash?"

"Everything's yellow or white. It's kind of hard."

"I'm just making sure it's perfect for the baby."

"It is."

"Good. Now sleep tight. I love you."

"Yeah, yeah."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Leo Harvey looked at Derek. "It's not your hours, Derek."

"What do you mean?"

"If you want the truth, Addison has more hours than you do. You just choose to stay longer."

"No. She doesn't. She can't. She's usually at home. I'm not."

"She has to have 62 hours a week. You are only required to have 56. She usually just gets her 62 and then does any other surgeries she needs to, but she doesn't search for work. You just have to go home, Derek."

"But…it's all me?"

"Yeah. I've been trying to tell you to get home…but you didn't listen."

"I can't believe it."

"It's true."

"Well, thank you. I guess we have nothing to talk about anymore."

"No, Doctor."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

Derek walked into the hallway and looked for Addison. He walked around several floors but he only found Mark, flirting with a nurse.

"Derek."

"Mark."

"I hear you and Addison are back."

"From who?"

"A nurse."

"How does she…oh."

Mark laughed. "She saw you and Addison this morning in a supply closet. But hey, I'm happy for you."

"Really? Even though you tried to kiss my wife?"

"Hey, Derek, you were an ass. I was just trying to comfort her."

Derek stood there, his mouth agape.

"Derek, you told her to have an abortion. Sure, wanting to kiss her was not right, but you were an ass."

"Would you have tried to take her to bed if she kissed you back?"

"I don't know."

Neither said anything for a moment.

"Besides, your wife is hot."

Derek gave Mark a sideways glance and he shrugged.

"It's true. You almost let her go. Idiot."

Derek, realizing the difficulty of holding a grudge against Mark, sighed. "Yeah, I was. Almost though."

"Oh, I never said you weren't an idiot. I just said you almost let Addison go, and that would have been idiotic. Just to add to you list."

Derek looked down at the ground. "Mark, do I work too much?"

"Yes. I've told you that."

"Leo said I have only 56 hours a week I have to be here. Addison has 62. So how is she home more than me?"

"Well, you strange desire to sit in at a midnight surgery might contribute."

"Was I avoiding her that much?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to believe that."

"It's the truth."

"Could I have been any more of an ass?"

"Well, you could've told your wife you wanted her to abort her baby. Oh wait, you've already done that. So no."

Derek said nothing.

"Just go home, Derek. She still loves you a lot. And soon you'll have a baby."

"Yeah. A baby."

"But I'm warning you, abandon Addison again and I will steal her."

"You won't get the chance."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N: This chapter took forever to write. I have plans but I can't just shoot to them, so this is really quite a filler chapter. To an extreme.**

**But review anyway, because…you can? Sure. That's it. Review because you can. **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: To answer a question first…**Dontia** asked if it was over sooner or later. I project about five or so more chapters. So it's pretty much, kind of over. But then again, my story veers off on its own path, so who knows. I'm going to be kind of sad for me when it's over, but I have new ideas for other stories, so it's good too. **

**Uhm. Reviews are great. Depending on how crazy school is this next week, this might be the last chapter for…a month? So it's long. And action-packed. To tide you all over. **

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Derek had been the first one home for two weeks now. Ever since his discussion of hours with the Chief, he had done his best to not do anything he didn't need to. Even if it meant missing out on watching some important surgery. He made dinner most nights and after dinner he and Addison would watch the news and talk.

Addison noticed the change. She loved coming home to something. She liked sitting after dinner with Derek and talking about their days and everything else. Derek was continually apologizing for his previous actions, and Addison was finally starting to forgive him.

It was the evening of September 20. Derek had made stir fry and Addison had brought home some pastries from an intern who wanted in on her surgery.

"Why can't you have more surgeries like this?" Derek licked sugar off his fingers.

Addison shrugged. "I don't know. If I'm guaranteed food every time I do a major surgery, I should. Jason has never shown interest in gynecology before, but maybe it's this great surgery."

"I highly doubt that intern is sucking up just for the surgery."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think he just wants to spend time near you."

Addison grinned and threw a pillow at Derek. "That's not true."

Derek caught it and threw it back. "It is. I mean, look at you."

"I'm fat."

"That's not true. You're pregnant, you've got that glow about your face that is half-mocking those who aren't pregnant and half full of pride. And you've still got that irresistible red hair and long, long legs."

"You're full of crap."

"Suit yourself. But when he tries to make a move on you, don't say I didn't warn you."

Addison smiled. She looked at her calendar. "Derek?"

"Yes, Addie?"

"Would you be willing to take me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow?"

Derek nodded quickly. "I'd love to."

"It's at two. Do you have surgery?"

"Nope."

"Good."

"Will we get to see an ultrasound?"

Addison nodded. "But I won't look at it. I'm not finding out what this baby is. And I don't think you can determine the sex based on an ultrasound."

Derek shook his head.

"So I'll meet you in front at 1:30 tomorrow?"

Derek nodded. "I'll be there."

xxxxxxxxxxx

It was now 1:55. Derek wasn't there. Addison tried calling him again, but his phone was off. Sighing, she went outside and hailed a taxi. She shook her head to rid herself of her tears and slid into the car. The driver was an elderly man, with friendly features.

"Something wrong, sweetie?"

Addison shook her head, but her eyes grew redder.

"You don't have to talk about it. Sometimes it's easier not to."

"I just thought things were finally fixed between us. Or getting there. I mean, he said he'd take me to this appointment. Last night. Just last night. He seemed excited to see an ultrasound. But now he's not here."

"Your boyfriend?"

"Husband. The one who screwed up so badly and just as he's starting to save our marriage doesn't come to take me to see my OB/GYN."

"I'm sorry, honey."

"Yeah. Well, I got sucked into his promises. I should've known."

"I hope this is just a stupid mistake on his part."

"Me too."

xxxxxxxxxxx

Derek stepped out of surgery at six. He felt as if he had forgotten something, but shrugged it off as he prepared to go home. He walked into his house and didn't hear the television on upstairs as he went to change. He stepped into his room and found Addison sitting in their bed, watching a rerun of Friends.

And Derek remembered he had forgotten.

"Oh, Addie. Oh, Addie. I'm so so sorry." He kicked off his shoes and wrapped his arms around her. She remained stiff. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to miss your appointment. I just got called into surgery and…" Derek trailed off. He knew that once again, he had put work before Addison. And that was his downfall.

Addison looked away. "The baby's healthy, if you were wondering. I'm doing just fine too. December 17 is still the due date."

"Addie. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to miss it."

"But you did, Derek. It doesn't matter what you wanted. You did. You put a surgery before me. Was it a surgery only you could do?"

Derek shook his head and played with threading on their comforter. "I'm so sorry. We've come so far. I am so sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?"

Addison looked Derek straight in the eye. "You can put me and this baby before work. You can always find work, and usually your surgeries can be done by someone else. You just insist on doing them. As if you're the only one who can. But you're not."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"I can't be wondering the rest of my life if you're going to be there. What if our child has a play or a recital and you aren't there. What if you miss something really important in their life, all because you're at the hospital? I can take the disappointment, usually, but I don't think any child would want to grow up with an absent father. Just ask Mark, I bet he has some insight. So you either need to choose to be here, or not."

"I'm here." Derek didn't hesitate for even a moment. "I'm still figuring out what I was doing wrong and trying to fix it. So just please, be patient with me. I'm like a child, screwing up to try and please you. Please. I'm staying."

Addison cast a sideways glance at Derek, his eyes pleading with hers.

"Please forgive me. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you. Let's go out for dinner, to that one little place you love. Maria's, Monica's-"

"Macy's."

"Macy's. Let's go out to Macy's."

"Derek, I'm not in the mood."

"Please? I just want to take you out to dinner."

"I don't think you want to eat in silence."

"I can talk to myself. Come on, change. Wear the cute little maternity dress that I love so much and you can take down your hair and put on a little bit of makeup. And then you can wear some flats while silently cursing the baby for taking you off heels."

Derek stood up and grabbed Addison's hand, pulling her off the bed. He went to the closet and found her dress, setting it on the bed next to her. He picked out a pair of black shoes that Addison had bought spur-of-the-moment and never worn before now. He slipped into the bathroom to change, leaving Addison to do the same.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Derek was so firm in his idea that Addison found herself seated in the restaurant an hour and a half later.

"Have you decided what you would like, or do you two need a few more moments?"

Derek looked over the top of his menu at Addison. "I'm ready, are you darling?"

Addison nodded sarcastically. "Of course I'm ready."

"Then what would you like, ma'am."

"I'll have the house salad. Half the dressing."

"And what will you have to drink?"

"Just water, thank you."

"And for you, sir?"

"I'll have the special for the day."

"Very well. Chicken or beef?"

"I'll take chicken."

"And to drink?"

"I'll have some iced tea, please."

"Of course."

The waiter left them alone and Derek looked at Addison, as she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Your dress looks gorgeous."

"You picked it out."

"Yeah, but I have a tendency to be wrong. Like how wrong I was for missing your appointment. I'm sorry."

Addison didn't say anything. Derek, refusing to be discouraged, continued talking.

"I got all of January off the other day, did I tell you that? After Christmas I'm on vacation and will only be paged in the event that absolutely no one else can be reached. Which is rather unlikely."

"Congratulations."

"I know." Derek fiddled with his napkin, settling it in his lap. "Hey, Addie, have you told your own parents about your pregnancy yet?"

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"Eventually."

"I know your mother thinks you made a mistake in marrying me and maybe right now you actually agree with her, but they'll be hurt if you don't tell them."

"And?"

"Addison. You have to tell them."

"I don't. It's possible not to."

"Fine, what about when we see them."

"And when will that be?"

"Well, we usually see them around Easter."

"Not always."

"But most of the time."

"We didn't this year."

"You and I weren't speaking. I was being an idiot. Remember? We just canceled."

"I don't want to tell my mother."

"So tell your father."

"They're always together."

"Addison."

"Derek."

They both glared for a few moments, before Derek softened his eyes. "I'm just saying."

"No, and you know why? Because when I tell them, my mother will go 'Oh God' and go get a drink and my father will sit stone-cold. Not wanting to believe it. Then my mother will call me back and tell me I made a mistake marrying you and then I'll yell at her for saying that because it's not true and we'll be angry. It happens every time."

"It's not true?"

"What? No. It's not."

"You didn't make a mistake."

"I didn't make a mistake. I still love you. How can it be a mistake?"

"You still love me?"

"Yes, Derek, I still love you. I don't love some of things you've done recently, but I still love you."

"I love you too."

"But I'm still angry at you."

"Of course."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Derek grabbed Addison's hand as they walked the few short blocks home. She didn't pull it away, but it lay limp in his hand. He heard a horse whinny from inside Central Park and pulled Addison across the street, nearly killing them twice.

"What the hell, Derek. I almost died."

He grinned. "Twice."

"What are we even doing over here?"

"We're going on a carriage ride."

"You're kidding."

"Nope." Derek's grin was so wide that Addison was reminded of his crazy ideas when they were dating.

"You're serious?"

"I am."

"Do they even run this late?"

"I'll make sure they do."

"Why are you doing all of this?"

"I screwed up so badly, Addie. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to miss it. I didn't mean to forget. I could say that things were crazy and come up with some excuse, but the only thing I can say is that I was stupid to miss it. It was my own stupidity, my own lack of prioritizing. We've been doing so well. We were talking; you were starting to forgive me. And all it takes is one stupid mistake from me and everything's ruined. I don't want everything to be ruined. I love you. I love Ellen or Paul and I love us. Our family, our tiny little family."

Addison opened her mouth, but Derek continued.

"I was a jerk, an ass. I told you to get an abortion. I was the lowest thing a husband could ever be. And yet you stayed. You waited. I treated you like the lowest piece of-for lack of a better word-shit in the dumpster pile. And you still stayed. You stayed even when you thought I was divorcing you. You moved out, but that was only because Nancy told you to." He held up his hand. "Yes, Nancy told me she told you to. You kept on loving me. You wouldn't let Mark kiss you, even though I know he would've kissed you and tried to love you more than I had been. I can't even make myself angry at him for that. He was just trying to pick up the scattered pieces. But you didn't kiss him; you didn't fall into bed with him. You waited. You loved me. You…loved me. You still loved me. I can't even understand it. That's crazy. You still loved me. And I was an asshole. Why? Why didn't you leave? Any other woman would've left right away. But you didn't. You, Addison, who could have any man you want, didn't leave me. I will never be that horrible again."

"Stop."

"What?"

"Stop."

Addison sat down on a bench and Derek sat next to her. "Why?"

"Because we're not going to have a perfect marriage after this. You are acting like you'll realize your mistakes and I'll stay so in love with you. We're going to fight, Derek. I'm probably going to throw another glass figurine at you at least once more in your life and there will be slammed doors and sleepless nights and hell to go through. And it's not going to be anywhere near perfect. And to top it off, we'll have a child there too. So we're not going to be perfect, hell, God knows if we'll even be civil."

"I know."

"No, you don't. If you did, you wouldn't be saying all this."

"Addie. I'm not going to be perfect. Our marriage will be horrible sometimes. I'll be an ass. You'll be stubborn and unwilling. But I'm going to fight for you. Even when you don't want me to. I didn't fight for you at all these past few months. I was the one directing all fighting towards you. But now, now I'm going to fight for you. For you and Ellen or Paul."

Addison nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

Derek smiled. He stood up and bowed, spinning his hand in a circle. "Mrs. Montgomery-Shepherd. Your carriage awaits." Addison stood up, grabbing his hand. A carriage waited a few feet away.

"Oh my God. When did you get that?"

"You were changing for almost an hour. I found time."

"You knew this was happening. It wasn't sudden?"

"Heck no. All my crazy plans require a certain amount of planning." Derek helped Addison into the carriage and sat beside her. The carriage started and Derek arranged the blanket around Addison. She smiled as the carriage trotted around Central Park, even in the darkness. It was a cool night, but not cold. She felt the baby kicking and while Derek noticed and realized it himself, he didn't try to say anything.

"I need to tell them."

"Tell who what?"

"My parents. About Paul or Ellen."

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"I just need to, okay?"

"Okay. Are you going to call them?"

"No. I'm going to visit them. This weekend."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Addison stood in front of the grand door. Her parents' house looked exactly the same. It always did. She shouldn't be as surprised as she was. She always was though.

Derek gripped her hand and she looked at him.

"I can't do this."

"Ring the doorbell."

"But Derek. I can't do this."

"But Addie, yes you can. I'm here."

"I didn't ask you to come."

"But I came. You'll want support."

"I can't ring it."

Derek quickly stepped forward and quickly pressed the bell. Addison looked at him with disgust as a maid opened the door.

"Hello."

"Hello. I'm Addison."

The maid gave her a blank look.

"Their daughter."

The maid did nothing but stare at them curiously.

"Listen, I know I look nothing like my parents. The red hair is a weird mishap. But I really am their daughter. I mean, I've got my mother's face. Look."

The maid opened the door a little bit more. Addison's mother, Leslie, was walked past the door at that time.

"Addison. Derek. Come in, come in." The maid scurried off, not even stopping to take their coats.

"Useless maid," Leslie Montgomery muttered under her breath. "I'll have to fire her."

"Hello, Mom."

"What brings you here, Addison?" She took a look at Addison stomach as she removed her coat and sighed. "Dear God." Leslie led them into the living room and called to her husband, Andrew.

"So, how are you, Derek?" Her voice showed tones of disapproval. She hadn't ever liked Derek; she had gone as far as to tell Addison to leave him at the altar.

"I'm doing well."

"Fantastic."

Andrew Montgomery walked into the room. "Addison! Derek!" Addison stood up and he gave her a hug, stopping and looking down at her stomach. "You're pregnant!"

Addison nodded as she sat back down. "I am."

"You're pretty damn far along, I'd say."

"Leslie…"

"What, Andrew? She's at least five months. She waited this long to tell us. God. I feel so loved."

"Leslie. Stop it. We can be happy for Addison and Derek."

"Sure we can. Happy that once again Derek's screwed up her life." She paused. "Quite literally." Leslie stood up and walked over to the drink cart, making herself a martini. She left the room.

Andrew looked apologetically at Derek. "She just…needs time. I know you're not screwing up Addison's life."

Derek sighed. "Yeah."

"But I'm so happy for you both. Finally bringing an heir to the Montgomery dynasty, are we?"

Derek laughed, squeezing Addison's hand. "We are."

"So, when is the baby due?"

"December 17."

"That's rather soon."

"It is."

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

Addison averted her eyes from her father's. Derek knew she didn't know what to say, and he jumped into their conversation.

"It's my fault. I was…horrible when she first told me about her pregnancy. It's only recently that I've realized what an ass I was and we've started picking up the pieces."

Andrew did not press the issue, knowing that it was between them. He smiled at them both. No one knew what to say, and an uncomfortable silence settled between all of them.

"It's your eleventh wedding anniversary soon, isn't it?"

"Yes. November 4. We'll have been married for eleven years."

"That's a nice long start to your marriage before you had kids." Andrew's tone was slightly disapproving, but Addison chose to ignore it.

"Yes, well, we had our careers and other things. And better late then never, right?"

"Of course." He stood up. "If you don't mind, I have to go take a call. A case-"

Addison didn't need to hear the rest. She had heard those words so many times they had lost their effect on her. She gave her dad a quick hug goodbye, a promise to visit after their baby was born, and that was that.

Leslie came in right as Addison and Derek prepared to leave. She asked Derek to step into the other room. Derek complied, giving Addison a weary look. She had Addison sit on the couch.

Leslie Montgomery did not think of herself as a bad person. She had told her daughter to leave Derek at the altar because she knew that Derek wasn't like Addison. That her daughter was not in love. She just thought she was. She just wanted the best for her daughter. That was all. And Derek was not the best for her daughter.

"Addison. It's not that I'm not thrilled you're having a baby. It's just with the wrong guy."

"Oh, really? Who is the right guy? James? Stephen? Robert? Any of the many men you tried to make me date in high school and college?"

"They are of finer breeding. They'd have been able to provide for you."

"Oh, because Derek and I are so poor. We make plenty of money a year. We have a brownstone overlooking Central Park, as well as a house in the Hamptons."

"It took you years to get where you are."

"So?"

"Any of the men I suggested would've had money from the start."

"But I wouldn't have loved them. I love Derek, Mom. I love waking up to find him on the other side of me, sleeping. I love talking to him late at night when neither of us can fall asleep. I love running into him at work. I love all the crazy things he does for me."

"I thought you two stopped those things a while ago."

"We grew apart, yes, but we're coming back. We're having a baby."

"Are you sure it's his?"

"What? Of course it's his. I haven't ever had an affair."

"Shame."

"Mom!"

"You should've. He'd divorce you for sure then. And you'd be free of this 'love' as you call it."

"But I don't want to be free of it."

"You always did make the wrong choices when it came to men. What about Derek's friend. Matthew?"

"Mark?"

"Yes, Mark. He's of good breeding. You should've married him."

"I married Derek for a reason. I love him. I don't-nor could I ever-love Mark."

"No, Addison, you only think you love him."

"I really do love him. If I didn't, why have I been married for 11 years?"

"Because he's swindled you into it."

"For eleven years?"

"Yes."

"You're lying."

"And you're being stupid. Again. Just leave him, Addison. Go off and marry someone of good breeding, good stature. Raise your baby with a proper father."

"Derek's a proper father. A better father then you were a mother. I have to go." Tears were slipping out of Addison's eyes. She grabbed her coat and went out to the car, Derek following her. She jammed the keys in the ignition.

"Addie. Addie. Please. Don't let her bother you."

"She told me I should leave you. That I didn't love you. That you were the wrong choice. That I was being stupid. I should've had an affair."

"I know, I heard. It's okay. It's okay. Sh-h." Derek rubbed her back.

"I was so stupid to come here. I knew this would happen. But I thought that maybe a baby would make it different."

"Addie, it's okay. We have a baby coming soon. A baby to love."

"Derek, I can't be like my mother. I can't end up like her."

Derek looked at her very seriously. "Addison, you're not going to. You are going to be a great mother. You're an OB/GYN. You'll be great. Don't worry about it. My fatherhood will need plenty of work, but you'll be a wonderful mother."

"I thought she might be happy."

"She is."

"No, she's not. She wants it to be another man's baby."

"Do you wish it were another man's baby?"

Addison looked up at him. "No. Not even a little bit. If it were another man's baby, it wouldn't be yours. And that's the only person's baby I ever want to have."

"Then it doesn't matter."

"I just want her to be content with me."

"She will be."

"Yeah. Sure. I never dated anyone she liked. I did go to UVA, but then I became a doctor, not a lawyer. I married you, lived in New York, and now I'm having a baby. To her dismay."

"Addison. I know you and your mother are not the picture of happiness. But please, just let her comments slide. Come on, it will be just fine."

"I just want her to be proud of me for once."

"She should be."

"But she isn't." Addison tried to shrug it off, starting the car. Derek watched his wife carefully.

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm just great. I'm falling apart more than I ever imagined I would."

"It's just the pregnancy."

"I cry a lot more."

"You have weak hormones."

Addison turned to grin at Derek. "I have _weak_ hormones."

"You have weak hormones."

"Ellen or Paul is weakening my hormones. Perfect."

"Isn't it?"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Addison sat at lunch with her turkey sandwich and was surprised when Mark set his tray next to hers.

"Hey, Addison."

"Hi, Mark." Addison's voice was guarded. They hadn't spoken since Addison had asked for space. Addison knew he and Derek were once again talking, but she and Mark weren't."

"I hear Derek's stopped being such an ass."

"Did you really?"

"I did."

"I hear you and Derek are speaking again."

"That we are. I hear you're sleeping with him again."

Addison choked on the lettuce. "What?"

"Well, a few weeks ago, you and Derek disappeared into a supply closet. I assume you weren't having a consult."

Addison blushed.

"I'm happy if you and Derek are happy. Trust me. The last thing I wanted was for you two to divorce. And uh…I'm sorry I tried to kiss you."

"It's fine. I'm sorry I led you on."

"You were just treating me like an uncle."

"Which you still are."

"Yeah."

Addison felt relief as the tension between them dissolved.

"So, how have you been?"

"Good."

"New girlfriend yet?"

"Nope. Not since Trisha left."

"So it's just been sex then?"

Mark shrugged. "There's new interns. Some of them are…well…very tempting."

Addison shook her head and laughed. "You do realize they're like 25, right? And you're almost 40?"

Mark waved his hand. "Not an issue."

"You were fifteen when they were born."

"And…?"

Addison smiled.

"So how's baby Shepherd?"

"They're doing well. We picked out names."

"Really?"

"Ellen Louise for a girl. Paul Timothy for a boy."

"Timothy is for…"

"Derek's dad. Yeah."

"Those are pretty names."

"Pretty. Did you, Mark Sloan, just say pretty?"

"I did. You've got a problem with it?"

Addison smirked. "None at all."

"Hey, you two." Derek walked over to them, placing a kiss on Addison's cheek before sitting down next to them. "What did I miss?"

"Mark said pretty."

Derek tried to cover his laughter. "Pretty, Mark? Want a bow to go with that?"

Mark smiled. "I would, please. And then I'll go watch _Gone with the Wind_ and eat Ben and Jerry's and cry."

"It'd be so sweet. 'Wittle Marky-Mark."

"Yeah, yeah. You two laugh now. Just wait."

"For what?"

"For the fury to be released."

Derek and Addison looked at each other and then at Mark and burst into laughter.

"Fury. Right."

"I'm terrified."

Mark smiled to himself. Addison and Derek really were back.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N: And….cut! Addison's got parent problems. I just don't think she had a great family life growing up. I think her family had money the Shepherd's didn't. Derek had the family she didn't. And there are still issues in her adult life. Obviously. **

**Addison and Derek had a bit of a fight…but they obviously forgave each other. It was small…but the main idea that Derek chooses work over Addison is going to be important. Very important. Hint.   
**

**Since I won't be here for a while…here's an idea of what this next chapter will (I think) bring: **

**1. Derek buys plane tickets.**

**2. It's November 4. For a part of it, at least.**

**3. There's fighting. **

**So, let your minds go to work on that. Remember, that's a plan. My Addison and Derek seem to dislike plans. So we'll see.**

Review because if you don't a huge alien ship will come and take over the world. Heh. 


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I hate Shonda. Hate her even more. I have no reason to watch Grey's Anatomy now. None. **_**"My goal is to get Meredith Ellen Pompeo and Derek Patrick Dempsey together for good and let them try to figure out what it is to be in a relationship in the future".**_

**Go to hell, Shonda. I can't watch Meredith and Derek. Even if Addison is coming back for an episode. I can't watch it anymore. I'm done. I was going to make this an angsty/sad chapter, but screw it. It's happy again. God knows we need some happy Addek after this disturbing news. So all those three hints don't exist. Sorry. I'm angry. **

**Oh, and if it's Addison who tells Derek to go back to Meredith or Meredith to go back to Derek, I will be so furious, words will not explain it. Just as a side. **

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Shut up. Just shut up. Just stop talking."

"Listen to me."

"Shut the hell up. I love you. And you do something like this."

"Please." The look on her face was dark. He just wanted it to change.

"You bastard."

"Please-"

"Don't talk to me. Get out of here."

"We're in a restaurant. I can't."

"Well I can." She stood up and grabbed her purse, stalking out.

At a table a few yards away, Addison and Derek watched the couple fight, as was the rest of the restaurant. As the woman stalked out, tears crowding her eyes, Addison felt her heart ache for her. She didn't know her situation, but the idea was the same. She was so in love but he was breaking her heart. 

"Addie. Addison!"

Addison shook her head. "Sorry, what?"

"I asked if you were okay."

"Yeah, I'm just fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Look at that. That was us."

"We never fought in public."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, besides that one time."

"Derek that was us."

"It was."

"I hope they figure it out."

"Addie, maybe it's too far gone."

Addison looked fiercely at Derek. "It's never too far gone. Look at us."

"Maybe he cheated on her. Maybe he's in love with another woman."

"Maybe he told her to have an abortion," Addison threw back. Derek looked at her, surprised.

"I deserved that."

"Like hell you did." Addison ducked as Derek threw a napkin at her. He grinned at her; she dazzled him with a smile back.

Addison heard a beeping from her purse and cursed as she checked it. "I have to go."

"Oh, come on now. I take you out to this dinner and get you flowers and you have to go."

Addison put on a look of mock sadness and grabbed her purse. "I'm so sorry, darling. I'll just tell this mother with triplets to hold her legs together as I finish dinner."

"Shut up, you." 

Addison leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, but Derek turned his face and met his lips with hers. She was surprised but secretly pleased. 

"You sly bastard."

Derek nodded. "That I am."

Addison left and went outside to hail a cab. She got in and arrived at the hospital within a half-hour. She went into the room where a mother was sitting, and a girl around fifteen. 

"Hello, I'm Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Fantastic. This is my daughter, Emily. She'll be-ouch-watching. Same with my husband."

Addison examined the woman and looked at her chart. "You still have a few inches to go before we can deliver."

"Okay."

"And we're going to be trying to do a natural birth, but you're having triplets so it might be hard."

"Got it."

"Where is your husband?"

"With the other kids. We're trying to find someplace to stuff them. If only Emily would watch them."

Emily scowled. "You said I could watch this."

"I know, but I figured you could watch them if we were back in Columbus. Not in New York."

"Well, geez, Mom, sorry I didn't plan that better. Oh, wait, I didn't plan it at all."

Addison broke in. "Others?"

Emily nodded. "I have five siblings."

"All younger?"

"Yep."

"So these three will make it…"

"Nine."

"You've got a big family."

"Like I didn't know that."

"Emily!" Mrs. Dickson turned to Addison. "I'm sorry. She's not exactly happy about this."

"About?"

"Having three more siblings."

"Oh. Are they all…yours?"

Mrs. Dickson nodded. "Well. They're all mine, but not all from Joe, my husband. These three and two others are from Joe, Emily and her brother, Jake, are from my first husband; and then the two middle ones are from someone else…we weren't married though."

"Alright."

"Jesus, Mom, giving out a lot of information, are we?"

"Don't say 'Jesus'."

"Sorry. What about 'geez'?"

"Emily."

"Mother." Emily glared at her mom and the glare was reciprocated. 

Addison stood off to the side, waiting for a few moments. She darted into the hallway, knowing that Mrs. Dickson wouldn't be ready to birth for at least an hour and a half. She wandered around the hallways, until she saw a familiar face in one room.

"Liz?"

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd!"

"Did you give birth?"

Liz nodded. "And let me tell you, it was hell even with the drugs. But I handed off the baby to the Mason's and it'll be good."

"Was your baby a boy or a girl?"

"A girl."

"Oh, how wonderful."

Liz shrugged. "Sure. I mean, it's great and all, but I'll never really get to know this baby or anything, so it doesn't really matter."

"Did they pick out a name?"

"Apparently it's Frieda."

"Frieda?"

"Frieda."

"Well, it's certainly unique."

"That it is. She won't be able to find keychains with her name on them."

"So are you just staying overnight?"

"Yeah, I have to for a few days. Just to make sure I don't burst out with blood or something. I don't know, you doctors run a tight ship around here. I get told nothing and like it."

"It's partially true."

"Yeah, right. It's fully true."

Addison laughed. "So are you going back to school now?"

"School? No; well, not the one I went to last year. When they kicked me out, they kicked me out. I'm at public high school now. And let me tell you, it's not pretty. Plus, the science lab they have sucks."

"You like science?"

"Physics."

"That's good."

"Yeah. I mean, it's not like I love Chemistry or anything where a good lab is crucial, but it's nice to have one. I miss Columbia."

"You went to Columbia Preparatory?"

"Yep. And apparently I signed a contract saying if I got pregnant I'd get kicked out. Go figure. Even if you are raped."

"And you couldn't find another private school?"

"Well, I could've, if we'd had the money. The only reason I could go to Columbia Prep. was because my grandpa is an alumnus and therefore felt it right that I go there and paid for my education. If I wanted to go to like York Prep or something, he wouldn't pay for it."

"So you're at a public high school?"

"So I'm at a public high school. On the plus, there's no uniform, but I didn't mind a uniform."

"I went to a private school my entire life. I never saw the inside of a public school, except for science competitions."

"Don't worry, you didn't miss much. Fights and drug busts, yes, but not much."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"Yeah, and I only have 2 years there, so it won't be too bad." Liz paused, tapping her finger to her mouth. "Am I supposed to feel like I'm missing something?"

"You mean, physically?"

"Yeah, but it's also mentally."

"It's completely normal. I can't say from experience yet, but I know from years of being an OB/GYN that it's just normal. I mean, you've been carrying around something for nine months, and then it's just gone."

"Okay, good. Speaking of which, how are you doing?"

"I'm excited to have this baby."

"Yeah. I hope it works out and all. Is your husband still following you around?"

Addison laughed. "Kind of. We're better, though."

"He must have really screwed up."

"Yeah, he really did." Addison stared wistfully off into the hallway. 

"I'm sure you have to go. I heard one of the nurses talking about the triplets. I'm sure you're on that. But it was nice to see you again."

"Yeah, it was good to see you too. I hope things work out."

Liz smiled. "I'm sure they will. I've got my entire life ahead of me, you know?"

"Yeah. You do."

Addison walked down the hallway down towards Mrs. Dickson's room. Emily was reading a book and Mr. Dickson was talking gently to his wife. Addison examined her once again, and was stunned to find the opening at 10 inches. She paged nurses and doctors.

"You're ready. Surprisingly early. So, we're going to start."

"Are you having medication?"

"Yes. It's on my chart. Damnit!" She moved in discomfort.

"We're going, Mrs. Dickson."

"Fine. Just hurry up! These babies hurt like hell and I just want them out!"

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Addison arrived home in the small hours of the morning. She found Derek upstairs, sleeping on the couch in the corner of their room. She sat down by him and gently shook him awake. 

"Derek, why aren't you in bed?"

Derek woke up, and looked around, dazed.

"Derek, why aren't you in bed?"

"I couldn't sleep without you in it."

Addison felt her heart soar. "But…but you did for months."

"I didn't sleep in here when I was hoping you'd come back. I slept downstairs a lot. I couldn't be in here. It reminded me of you too much."

Addison's voice cracked. "Can we go to bed now?"

Derek sat up, kissing Addison on the cheek. "Yes, Addie. Now we can."

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Two weeks later Addison woke up to the smell of chocolate-chip pancakes and hot chocolate. She smiled as she rolled over to find tulips on Derek's pillow. She was about to wander downstairs when Derek walked into the room, holding a tray of food. 

"Happy Anniversary, Addie."

"Happy Anniversary, Derek."

Derek leaned over and kissed her sweetly. 

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_October 23, 1991_

_ Addison sat across from Derek at the restaurant. He had dazzled her already but now she was out on a date with him. His quirky and oftentimes ill-placed comments made him seem less…egotistical. They made him seem nervous like Addison was. And she liked that._

_ Addison had dated only three men in her entire life, Derek would be the fourth. In high school, her mother had constantly been introducing her to men of various 'well-off' backgrounds but that didn't count. She had gone to prom with Skippy Gold. And then the after-prom. When he had unzipped her dress and kissed her awkwardly, sloppily. She cringed as she remembered that time, her first and only time having sex with him. She had lost her virginity to him because she wanted to feel like she fit in a little bit more. She didn't, needless to say, but it was an act already done. _

_ In college, for four years, she dated Ezra Caulfield. He was popular, as popular as one can be in college, and had stunned Addison with his choice of her. He taught her a lot of things she didn't know from her one other time having sex, and really loved her. Addison loved him as well, but they both moved on. It was an amicable split. _

_ Then came Ben Wright. He took Addison's world by storm and led her around and around in circles. He laughed with her and tried to make her happy. But his happiness wasn't lining up with hers. Eventually Addison asked if he was ever going to propose, and he had looked at her like she was crazy. Addison caught him with another woman and promptly left. _

_ Because Addison really was all about marriage. So was her mother, but Addison wanted marriage in a completely different way. She wanted vows and love and waking up with the same person for the rest of her life. She didn't care as much about the money aspect of it, of marrying into the right family. She wanted the love, the unconditional love. She wanted someone to barbeque in the backyard and play soccer with her kids. She wanted someone to come home to every night. _

_ She had plenty of men vying for her attention, but Derek was the first one she'd given it to since Ben. She didn't know why she did. She just felt something different about Derek. As much as he'd fooled around, flirting with other students, he had focused most of his attention on Addison. _

_ After dinner, Addison drove with him back to her apartment in silence. He walked her up to the door. He kissed her on the lips, gently. He lingered, waiting for an invitation to be let in. _

_ "I'm not sleeping with you on the first date."_

_ Derek looked stunned. "But I thought it went well."_

_ "It went wonderfully. But that doesn't mean you deserve sex." _

_ Addison smiled then, licked her lips suggestively, and went inside, leaving Derek there, dazed. He wanted Addison more than ever now. This spunky, headstrong med student. He wanted her. Most of the girls he had dated in the past expected, welcomed, sex on the first date. Hell, he had sometimes skipped the date and just landed in bed. _

_ But Addison was different. And Derek loved it even more. _

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"This was wonderful." Addison lazily licked syrup off her fingers and kissed Derek on the cheek.

"It's our anniversary."

"Last year that didn't mean anything."

"It means everything this year. I'm so sorry."

"We have to get to work."

Derek shook his head and pulled Addison's arm. "We are taking off today."

"What? I mean, we can't. Derek. I can't go back to work after December 7. That's only a month and a couple days left. I can't just skip."

"You can, and you will. We're going New Yorking."

"What?"

"We're being tourists today. We're going to go to the Empire State building and shopping on Fifth Avenue and then out to dinner at Jean-Georges." Derek tried to pronounce it with an accent, but only succeeded in making himself foolish.

Addison laughed. "Jean-Georges. We haven't been there in years."

"I know; which is why we're going back. You loved it."

"That sounds so nice."

"I'm not done." Derek grinned, his face full of excitement. "After that, I have tickets to Chicago."

"Oh, I love that musical."

"I know. So you'll skip work with me?"

"Yeah, I'll skip work with you."

"Good."

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_September 21, 1992_

_ "Addison."_

_ "Yes."_

_ "Addison would you, I mean, could you."  
_

_"Could I what?"  
_

_"Can you?"_

_ "Jesus, Derek, what do you want?"  
_

_"Would you marry me?"_

_ Addison was floored. Derek fumbled around in his pocket, searching for a ring he realized he had forgotten._

_ "Shit." He cursed, remembering it on his dresser._

_ "What?"  
_

_"I forgot the ring. I mean, it was on my dresser and I was afraid I was going to forget it and I did."_

_ "It's okay."  
_

_"Why, are you rejecting my proposal?" Derek's face fell and Addison shook her head._

_ "No, Derek. I'm not. Yes, I'll marry you."  
_

_"Really? You will?"_

_ "Yeah." Addison said it softly, hardly daring believe she was going to get married._

_ Before she could say anything else, Derek swept her close and kissed her. Addison smiled after the kiss. _

_ "I love you, Addison." _

_ "Even though I made you wait four weeks before we had sex?" Addison grinned, knowing it was the one thing Derek always teased her about.  
_

_"Yes, Addie, even though you made me wait a month. I love you."_

_ "I love you too."_

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"Derek, look, it's snowing!"

"I know, Addison, I have eyes too."

"But it's snowing. It's so pretty and magical. And so early too."

"It's a special treat for us."

"Apparently."

Just then, Derek's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Derek, it's Leo."

"Hello. What's wrong?"

Leo Harvey laughed. "Does something have to be wrong?"

"Well, whenever you call it seems to be. You are chief of surgery, after all."

"You got me. Don't worry, I won't ruin you anniversary. There's just someone coming in next month, December 10. And I'm going to need you to do the surgery."

"What is it?"

"Brainstem cavernoma. But it's damn serious."

"Why?"

"It's in a 14 year-old."

"Shit."

"Shit is right. It'll be a huge surgery. Can you do it?"

Derek cast a sideways glance at Addison. "Yeah, I can."

"Good." Derek ended the call and turned back towards Addison.

"Who was that?"

"Leo."

"Do you have to go?"

Derek shook his head. "No, it's just about a surgery next month."

"Okay."

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_November 4, 1993._

_ Addison stretched lazily in the giant bed, breathing heavily. "Derek, are we going to be one of those divorced, angry couples ever?"_

_ Derek wrapped his arms around his new wife. "Not if I have anything to say about it."_

_ "Good."_

_ "I mean, we'll fight."_

_ Addison smiled. "A lot."_

_ "But I love you so much. Now, get to sleep. Someone wanted to get an early flight to Florence. So…sleep!"_

_ Addison drifted off to sleep, peacefully aware of this marital bliss she was experiencing._

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"Savvy! What are you doing here?"

"Derek told us it was your anniversary dinner and we had to come."

"Had to?"

Savvy laughed. "Yes, had to."

"It's so great to see you!"

"It's so great to see you. I feel like we haven't had a chance to sit down and talk for a long time."

"Yeah, well…" Addison trailed off, her face blushing red. 

Savvy waved her hand. "In the past. We're just here to celebrate. Celebrate a beautiful marriage."

Weiss spoke up. "Eleven years of marriage!"

"Hear, hear." Derek said, grabbing his glass of wine. He toasted with Addison's sparkling champagne before kissing her. 

The waiter came over by their table, taking their orders and wishing Addison and Derek a happy anniversary. 

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_December 25, 1998_

_ "Derek, wake up!"  
_

_"What?" Derek blinked in the sunlight to see Addison standing over him in flannel pajamas. _

_ "It's Christmas morning."_

_ Derek pulled her arm and pulled her back down onto the bed. "So let's spend it together in bed."  
_

_Addison laughed. Derek had always found her laugh to remind him of clinking wineglasses. _

_ "We can't do that. Your family is downstairs."_

_ 'They'll never know."_

_ Addison snorted. "Right, Nancy would have no idea."_

_ "Or it doesn't have to matter."_

_ "Up!"_

_ "Aw, Addie."_

_ "Come. You'll get your present later." Addison winked suggestively._

_ Derek smiled and stood up, kissing Addison. "Merry Christmas."_

_ "Merry Christmas, Derek."_

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Mark and Cheryl, a new girlfriend, met Savvy, Weiss, Derek, and Addison at the theater. 

"Happy Anniversary, you two!"

Addison smiled, accepting the kiss on the cheek from Mark. "You're awfully happy."

"Well, my best friend pulled his head out of his ass, you're having a baby soon, and I've got a date with someone who's just amazing. 

Cheryl smiled. "Congratulations."

Addison thanked her and the six departed into the theater. They found their seats as the play began. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

_March 6, 2001_

_ Derek came home to find his wife in tears. Instantly, she became the center of his world as he wrapped his arms around her. He stroked her hair, whispering sweet things to her. _

_ "Addie, what happened?"_

_ "I lost both a mother and a baby today. Both of them. She was so alone…her boyfriend ran away when he found out she was pregnant, and she was alone. She got into this accident and went into labor and both of them died."_

_ "Oh, Addie. It's not your fault."_

_ "But I should've been able to save them. I should've been able to make things right."_

_ "Addison, it's okay."_

_ "It's not, Derek, it's not okay."  
_

_"Addison. Breathe."_

_ "It just sucks. I just can't imagine feeling that alone."  
_

_"It sucks."  
_

_"I wish I could've kept her alive."_

_ "You did nothing wrong."_

_ "Then why does it feel like I did?"_

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"Addie. I know things have been difficult these past few months. Years, really. But I hope…I hope this baby is beautiful and healthy. And I hope we don't divorce. I want to be married to you only once. I want to be the old guy who can't get his wedding ring off, because his fingers are so fat and it's been on there for so long. I want to be that guy."

"Okay." Addison sat there, relishing the silence and comfort of this moment. "Thank you for today, Derek."

"Thank you for waiting for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Thank you for not leaving me. Thank you for not divorcing me. And Addison, thank you for not changing who you are. Thank you for just being Addison."

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**A/N: Definitely not my favorite chapter, but it will do. A lot cuter than I originally wrote. But Shonda made me write it this cute. I still have severe Addek denial. Sorry.**

**Oh, and Happy Easter to those who celebrate it.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: There are going to be three more chapters after this one, with the general possibility of an epilogue. Just an FYI. Besides that, you all have to know that I'm really really excited for the next two chapters, but on this one I seriously lost momentum. So this one is short and pointless, but the next two are going to be fun to write. **

**The reviews are, as always, wonderful and greatly appreciated. **

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"Can I feel the baby kicking?" Emma placed her hand on Addison's stomach, trying to feel through the skin.

"I don't know, Emma. But try, over here." Addison moved the small hand, but Emma frowned when she didn't feel anything.

"Aunt Addie, when you have the baby, can I come see it?"

Addison smiled. "Yeah, Emma, I bet you can."

"Yay!" The seven year-old clapped her hands. "I'm soooooo excited. Are you coming to Christmas?"

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe."

"I hope you do."

Meg came in, and had Emma come help set the table for dinner. "I'm sorry, she's full of questions."

Addison shrugged. "Since your mother deemed me 'too far along' to help in the kitchen, I'm stuck. It's nice to have company."

"Addison, you're due in just a little over three weeks." Meg smiled. "We're all really excited and just want you to be safe."

"I hardly see how chopping carrots will endanger this baby."

Meg shrugged. "Just trust Mom. She had five, after all."

"You had six. And if I recall correctly, you were raising five other children alone three weeks before Marcus was born. As your husband was in Sweden for a month?"

Meg blushed. "Well, I had Seth to help me. Not to mention my other children. And, I'd already had five. This is your first child." She grinned. "Where is Derek, anyway?"

"Work." As Meg raised an eyebrow, Addison shook her head. "He tried to get out of it, I was there when he did. But he's taking all of January off and the time after Christmas, so Leo wants him to get all the hours he needs before he takes this much extended vacation."

Meg said nothing.

"Meg, I'm serious. Call him right now. I had enough of a hard time convincing Leo to give me today off in the first place. We figured Derek would be good, but it's okay. I mean, I only got this day off. I have to go back tomorrow."

"Okay, okay."

"He feels really bad. He's already called me four times, and it's not even one in the afternoon yet. We're also having a second Thanksgiving later tonight, with a smaller turkey and stuff, just so he doesn't have to miss it. We are so much better than we were at Labor Day."

"That's great." Another pause. "I heard you had a baby shower last week."

"Yeah. Nancy, Kathleen, and Renee were there, along with Savvy, Marcy, and Theresa."

"I'm sorry I couldn't come. I would've, but I had too much to do out of the city and couldn't get in fast enough."

"Thanks for the mobile. Don't worry about not coming. I understand. We wish you would've been there though."

"I heard it was fun."

Addison laughed. "It was. But not as good as my bridal shower."

Meg grinned, remembering that crazy night eleven or so years ago. "I don't think anything could top your bridal shower. Ever."

"That's probably true."

"MOM! Seth says that 10 plus 8 is seven hundred. But Ms. Mackel said it was eighteen. Is he lying?"

Meg looked at Addison apologetically. "I've got to go find somewhere for Emma to sit. Excuse me."

Addison nodded. Ellen-or Paul-kicked furiously. Addison put her hands on her stomach. "I know, sweetie, I'm getting hungry too. Dinner is soon. Well, it's actually lunch. But it's called dinner because it's so fancy. Isn't that weird? I can't wait until you can actually sit at the table next to me. In a high-chair. That's next year. Even if we came at Christmas, you would be little. Actually, if we came for Christmas, I wouldn't see the point. Because I'd be too focused on you, and I'm pretty sure Derek would be too. But maybe we'd come anyway. I don't know. I haven't decided yet."

"Addison!" Addison looked up and blushed as Renee walked into the room.

"Sorry, I was just…"

"Talking to the baby?"

Addison grinned sheepishly. "Yeah."

"It's not unnatural. Just interesting to see you doing it."

"Yeah. I know. It just feels like there's really a person in me now. A person."

"Of course. Anyway, it's time for dinner."

Addison smiled. "Good, because this child is starving."

xxxxxxxxxxx

"And to toast this Thanksgiving one more time, I give you," here Derek paused to grab a bottle, "a bottle of sparking grape juice."

"Eh!" Addison smiled appreciatively. Her face was flushed and her eyes were sparkling, and anyone else would've thought that this was a result of alcohol. But it wasn't. It was just pure joy running through her veins. It was two in the morning and she had eaten more that day than she cared to remember.

Derek looked at his wife, once again struck by how beautiful she was. Her hair was catching the light in all the right places. Her eyes were bright and lively. If their child looked even a little like Addison, they would be absolutely beautiful.

"Are you staring at me?" Addison smiled.

"Maybe. I just can't keep my eyes off the gorgeous woman in front of me."

Addison bent down to eat a little more pie as she felt Derek's hand over her left one.

"I can't believe it's almost time for the baby. Do you think we're ready?"

"I think we can be ready. We won't ever be perfect parents, but I think we'll be good parents."

"Me too, Addie, me too."

"You still like the names?"

"Of course. You do?"

"Yeah."

"Did you think you'd be ready if you were alone? If I hadn't…figured everything out. If I had-" Derek's voice caught "-if I had left you."

"No, I wouldn't be. I'd be dealing with a broken heart as well as trying to deal with a new baby coming. I would've been so far from ready."

"I still can't believe I told you that it wasn't the 'right time' to have a baby. I just…I was so stupid. I was so horrible."

"Derek, you've already apologized. Multiple times, might I add."

"Addison, I shouldn't have ever said anything like that. I shouldn't have. And I did. So I'm going to keep apologizing. I'm so thankful you took me back."

"I'm thankful you came back."

Derek raised his glass. "To you."

"How about to Ellen-or-Paul? I don't like toasts made to me."

Derek grinned, remembering their wedding when she had shrunk back at the toast he had made to her. "Fine, to Ellen-or-Paul."

They clinked glasses and drank the sparking grape juice. The bubbly liquid fizzed down Addison's throat.

"How were all my darling sisters today?"

"They were good. Nancy and Meg had a hard time believing you really couldn't get out of work. I had to explain it several times."

"Did you use small words? Sometimes large words confuse Nancy."

Addison hit Derek on the hand. "Derek! How horrible."

He threw an irresistible grin in her direction. Shrugging, he grabbed her hand and pulled her up. "I'd say it's time for bed, Doctor."

"God, we have work tomorrow."

"God, I had work today."

Addison laughed, and walked up the stairs following Derek. She changed into pajamas and went into her bed, the flannel sheets warming her toes. Derek laughed as he got into bed and had to wrap the covers so that he got something from them. Addison's stomach had a tendency to rise them up quite a bit nowadays.

"One night I'm going to freeze to death because you're not allowing me any covers."

Addison pressed a hand to Derek's face, her warm fingers tingling on it. Her other hand slipped around his waist. "Warmer?"

Derek felt his face flush and the heat radiate off his body. His voice became tenser and he found it harder to breathe.

"Yes…Addie…that's…that's good."

"I'm so glad. We wouldn't want you to be cold now, would we?"

"No, Addison, that is one thing we certainly don't want."

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December first came and Addison suddenly felt very nervous. In less than a month, less than 31 days, she would have a child. Maybe this wasn't the right thing to do.

She tried to pretend it was normal, but she knew that in theory she was not going to be extraordinarily early anymore. She would be fine. She could have the baby any day. Granted, she had a few weeks before the due date, but she knew that due dates were more of a vague guideline for babies. Very vague. Maybe the baby would be late though. Addison was terrified. She hated admitting weaknesses.

Of course, Derek would be there. Addison was not doing it completely natural, she had drugs to keep her from feeling the pain. And every single book told her that at her child's first cry it would be all worth it. She hoped it was true. She hoped this gut-wrenching fear would be worth it in the end. Because while she had delivered thousands of babies in her years as a doctor, she had never been on the other end of the spectrum. She had never been the one delivering.

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December eighth came and Addison was now on maternity leave. She twisted her hands, unsure of what to do all day. She tried watching television, the Christmas specials. She tried going shopping. She helped Derek prepare for his surgery in two days, but every movement the baby gave her scared her to death. She should've scheduled to be induced; it would make this guessing a lot simpler. But now, all she could do was wait.

Derek was overly caring, and Addison loved it but it scared her even more. She just wanted things to go back to normal. In the back of her mind, she knew that things would never be the 'normal' she knew again, but that didn't matter. She wanted her normalcy back.

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**A/N: Ehm…I wish I had something more interesting to say. Avocadoes. There. That's relatively interesting. Review if you like, and look for these next chapters a lot sooner. **


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: One of the reviews spoke about a normal ending. So does this mean I have to cut the part about aliens coming and taking over the world, forcing a mutant Addison and Derek to be their slaves while their baby rules the world? Darn. That was my favorite thing. **

**All joking aside, thanks for the reviews. Here we go. This is a shortish, but very important chapter. And I know I'm putting this up ridiculously fast. Don't complain.**

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"So, Addison, my surgery is tomorrow."

Addison laughed. "What surgery? Wait, do you mean the one you've been and preparing for and talking about for weeks? I know, Derek."

"I know, I'm just so…nervous. And excited. Did you hear that the news is going to be there? And other visitors. This is huge."

Addison smiled broadly. "I'm so excited for you. I wish I could come watch. But I've actually been banned from the hospital. Go figure."

Derek laughed. "It's better you don't. I couldn't keep my eyes off you and that wouldn't be so good."

"It certainly wouldn't."

"So I have to be there at six in the morning. And I won't be home until late that night. The surgery doesn't actually start until one, but I'll be in meetings all morning. So don't wait up for me."

"And what if I do?"

Derek grinned. "You'll be in a lot of trouble, missy."

"Aye, aye, Captain."

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

Addison shrugged. "I think I'm sleeping until ten, waking up and watching some soap opera on television, and then Savvy and I are going to dinner at night."

"Sounds like a plan."

Derek looked over his notes again. Addison knew he was horribly nervous. "You're really going to do great, Derek."

"I know. I'm just…this will define the rest of my career."

"I'd gather. But you're a fantastic surgeon. You're going to do great."

"Thanks, Addie."

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Addison was peacefully asleep when Derek woke up at 5 the next morning. He stuck a note on the door reminding her he had his phone but also to call the hospital directly, as it might be faster. He arrived at the hospital and was sent right into a meeting, meeting Brandon Ankara for the first time. He then was shuffled into yet another meeting with the boy's father, and finally a longer meeting with all of the doctors and residents who would be assisting as well. Derek was nervous, but he couldn't let that get to him. He had to be successful. This would define the rest of his career.

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It was 10:15 in the morning, Addison was watching _Days of Our Lives_, when the strongest contraction she had had came. Addison winced but didn't worry about it; Braxton Hicks contractions had been coming for weeks now. They were nothing to worry about.

Until eleven, when Addison suddenly felt very wet. She knew before she looked, but she had to look. She peered down and saw that her water had broken. Contractions would only follow. Of all the days.

She first remembered Derek. His surgery was in two hours. She tried his phone, but it was busy. She knew she had to get to the hospital, and was in no condition to drive. She went outside and got in a taxi.

"The Memorial Hospital please…I'm in…labor."

The driver sped off, dropping her off and refusing pay. Addison was grateful. She walked into the hospital, her contractions horribly strong, and she knew she was going through her labor stages very quickly. She had the doctors call Savvy, who said she'd be there as soon as she could get through traffic. Addison lay in the hospital bed. They had tried Derek again, but he wasn't answering. There was now only an hour and fifteen minutes until his surgery started, and he was unreachable. She had but four inches to go.

Savvy arrived. "Addison! Oh my God. I can't believe it."

Addison nodded uncomfortably. "Of all the days."

Savvy looked around. "Where's Derek?"

"His life-deciding surgery."

Savvy's face fell. "That's not today."

"Oh, but it is."

"Just, don't worry about it. I'll get him here. Where's your phone?" Addison pointed to the table. Savvy grabbed it. "I'll get him, and I'll get Nancy too. I'll try to get her in here."

Savvy went out and called Derek's phone. "Derek, it's Savvy. I know you must have a lot of messages on here by now, but this is serious. Addison's in labor. And I know you have this surgery, but Addison's in labor. So please, come. We're at Memorial Hospital. Room 3226. Please, just come."

Savvy hung up the phone and tried the hospital. "I need to speak with Derek Shepherd."

"But ma'am, we can't do that. He's almost ready to go into surgery."

"But his wife is in labor. Can you tell him? Please?"

"We can get a message to him."

Savvy shook her head, even though the person on the other side of the conversation couldn't see that. "I want you to go tell him. I know you're just a receptionist, but you don't understand. Please. Go tell him."

"Ma'am, I'm not sure if I-"

Savvy raised her voice. "Go. Now."

The receptionist gulped. "Fine."

"We're at Memorial Hospital. Room 3226. Please, tell him."

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Derek heard a knock on the door as he finished talking to Brandon. He saw a small receptionist standing there, timidly.

"Yes?" He said it irritated.

"I have a message from a Mrs. Savannah Bell."

"Yes?"

"She wanted to say that your wife has gone into labor."

Derek dropped his chart. "Damnit!"

"Your wife is at Memorial Hospital, Room 3226."

"Don't they know I'm in surgery?"

"Mrs. Bell and your wife are fully aware. But your wife wants you there."

Derek walked out of the room and collapsed in a chair.

On one hand, it was Addison. His wife. His wife he had worked so hard to keep. On this hand, he should leave. He should leave and go help Addison in labor. She wanted him there. If he didn't leave, she might leave him. He might not get to a chance to see his child grow up.

But on the other hand, this was the surgery. This was huge, important. This would determine his career. He could take over for Leo is he did well in this surgery. This boy would die without this surgery. Addison could have this baby without him. She might forgive him. And even if she didn't, he would have the job. He would have what he'd been working for.

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Addison had two inches to go. Savvy was there. Nancy was trying to arrive, but there was a lot of construction and snow and she was having a hard time getting in quickly. It was 12:45. Derek wasn't here. She was nervous and scared and really wanted Derek here. She couldn't breathe correctly. She needed Derek there. Savvy was trying her hardest, but Savvy knew she wasn't Derek. What Addison really needed was her husband there.

"You called him when?"

Savvy sighed. "I called the hospital half an hour ago. I assume they got the message to him. I just don't know where he is. He'll be here. Don't worry."

"Will he?"

"Yes, he will. Breathe. You need to breathe." Savvy prayed to every god out there that Derek would show up.

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Nancy picked up her phone, cursing as the construction had her stuck again.

"Derek. I know you're there. I hear you breathing. So I'm just going to talk. I know you're thinking that this could go either way. But please, please come. Please do. Addison…she won't forgive you. I think you know that. You're out of chances. You're going to miss your child's birth, Derek, and I don't think that would be something you could ever rationalize. I know, this boy might die, but Derek, I'm sure someone else can do the surgery. I'm sure. Derek, you don't remember this, but Dad always used to talk about how much more important family was than work. I mean, we used to live in a horrible little apartment when Dad got sick and couldn't work and Mom hadn't started yet. But we were okay. We had each other, and it didn't matter that I didn't get the new clothes I wanted. Because our entire family was together. You could take this surgery. Sure. Take this surgery, Derek, and lose Addison and your baby, and then have a big house and a job that pays a lot. But you'd lose Addison, the love of your life and one of your best friends. You'd probably lose Mark too."

"So, Derek, just don't…don't stay. Come. Be with your wife. And your baby, Derek, your first child."

Nancy hung up before Derek could get a word in. Derek rubbed his face in his hands and looked up as Leo entered the room.

"I heard, Derek. I heard Addison's in labor. But Derek, I have to tell you, this surgery cannot wait. Brandon will die if he doesn't get it today. Die. A fourteen year-old doesn't ever deserve to die, Derek. Ever. I need you to think about this. Addison…she might not take you back. But would you be able to live with killing a fourteen year-old boy? Cutting off his life to go be with your wife? Derek…I can't encourage you to be with Addison this time. I can't. If you go…Derek, if you go to be with Addison, I'm going to have to fire you. It's just what I would do to anyone else doing something like this. If you go to be with your wife and skip this surgery, I'm going to fire you."

Derek sighed heavily.

"You have ten minutes to decide Derek. Ten minutes. And if you choose to go, you have to break that boy's heart yourself. I will not stand in. So think about what you want before you choose."

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At 1, almost precisely, Addison was ready to start pushing. She was at 10 centimeters. She couldn't, though. Savvy was there, Nancy swore she was only ten minutes away now, but Derek hadn't been heard from. Savvy hadn't told Addison that Nancy had called him; she just kept calming Addison down.

"Dr. Shepherd, we need you to push." The intern looked scared as she said this.

"No, damnit, no. I need my husband here!"

Dr. McGuire looked at Addison. "Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grisham is right. You have to push. You're now endangering the life of your child by not letting them come out."

Addison felt tears slip out of her eyes. "I need my husband here. He…he said he'd be here. We came so far. He said he wouldn't miss the birth for the world."

Savvy stood next to Addison. "Addison, come on. Just push."

Addison furiously shook her head and squeezed her legs even tighter. Her contractions were killing her but the idea of having this baby without Derek hurt her even more.

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Derek had two minutes left to decide. To decide the rest of his future. He didn't know what to do. It became a simple question of his family versus his work. If he missed this birth, he and Addison would be divorced. He'd never get to have Addison as his wife. The thought killed him. He'd never get to see Ellen-or-Paul grow up. If he went to be with Addison, he'd kill a fourteen year-old who thought that he had one more chance to live. He'd ruin his career as a doctor, because if he were fired he'd have a hard time finding another place to work. People would think differently of him.

His decision made, Derek stood up and pressed on the door handle.

He just hoped he wasn't making the wrong one.

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**A/N: … **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: …**

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"Addison, it's been thirty minutes. You really have to let this baby out."

"But Derek…"

Nancy shook her head. "Addison, I know you want Derek here. I want him here too. But this is about the life of your child. The one you risked everything for, remember?"

"Maybe it's better they die." Addison's voice fell.

"Addison, no." Nancy's voice was firm and harsh. Nancy was stunned Addison had said something like this, even given the state she was in. "I will not let you do this. Grab my hand. Grab Savvy's on the other side. Uncross your legs." When Addison didn't move, Nancy did it for her.

"Nancy, Derek's not coming, don't you get it? Everything I worked for, these past nine months have been hell and now, now, it was all for nothing."

"Addison, grab my hand tighter. We're pushing. We're freaking pushing."

Addison grabbed Nancy's tighter, but Savvy's slipped out. Addison wildly groped around, before finding the hand again.

But it wasn't the same hand. It wasn't the same hand at all. This one was large and sturdy.

"Derek." Addison breathed.

"Addie."

Nancy started crying. Savvy was beside herself, and she and Nancy left the room to leave Addison and Derek with the doctors to birth the baby.

"You came."

"Yeah. I came. Now can we start pushing to meet this baby of ours?"

"Yes, we can."

Derek grabbed Addison's hands and her eyes softened. She looked so relieved, so happy. He would be dealing with the repercussions of this choice for a while. But it would all be worth it now, seeing the look on Addison's face.

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Addison pushed with all of her might again. Derek looked down at his hands; they were beyond red. Addison had been in her third stage of labor for over an hour now. This wasn't completely unnatural, but it was causing strain on everyone in the room. Derek looked at the tears and sweat on his wife's face, and tried brushing it off. "Come on, Addie. We're close."

Dr. McGuire nodded. "Addison, we can see the tip of the baby's head, and it's very close. So just a little bit more pushing."

Derek smiled. "Addison, they can almost see our baby's head. Come on. In an hour, no, in half an hour, we'll have a baby. A baby, Addie. A beautiful baby. Come on. You're doing so great. You're kicking ass. You're amazing."

Addison pushed on her next contraction, hoping the pain would stop soon. The doctor smiled at the end.

"Dr. Shepherd, we can see the baby's head. It has red hair."

"Addie, do you hear that? The baby has your hair. Your hair. Red. That's so great. One more push, okay? One more."

Addison felt her body convulse and she pushed shakily again. She felt the baby leave through her cervix and she knew it was over. She heard Derek run to cut the cord and then she heard it.

The baby screamed. It cried and screamed as it got cleaned up and tested immediately. It was screaming. It was a human. It was alive. Addison continued feeling small contractions, the placenta slipping out of her ten minutes later. Addison felt swabs of cotton be brushed around her legs and cold air as they cooled. She was done. Derek was standing next to her, smiling and looking at her so tenderly. Tears were in his eyes. Addison had only seen him cry two other times. And never like this.

"We have a boy. A beautiful, healthy, son."

Son. Addison let the words ring around her head. She gently reached for the blanket and took the first look at her son. She lifted the flap and the baby began to cry. Their baby. Paul.

"He's perfect."

Addison nodded. Derek kissed Addison on the cheek as she began to cry. Paul was taken away to be tested, and Addison would get to see him later. She fell back on the pillow, exhausted.

"You came, Derek."

"I came. I came because I said I'd come, Addie."

"But Derek…the surgery…"

"We can worry about that later. Right now, we can think about our baby. Our wonderful baby."

"It's a boy."

"It's a boy. Are you disappointed?"

Addison shook her head. "I wanted a girl a little bit more, but what mother doesn't dream of having a little girl? A boy is just wonderful. Are you disappointed?"

"Not at all. Besides, he's got your hair, so you passed that along."

Addison smiled. "Yeah, he's got my hair."

Savvy and Nancy came running into the room. "Addison!"

"You had your baby."

"And it's a boy!"

"And they just brought him past and he was gorgeous. He's got your hair, sweetie."

Nancy looked at Addison and Derek. "How long do you two want with Paul alone? Before Mom and everyone else wants to come visit? And Weiss," she said, casting a glance in Savvy's direction.

Derek looked at Addison. "I'm not quite sure; whatever's good for Addison is good for me."

"I think if we have just a few hours. I'm here until the afternoon of the 12th, two more days, so we've got some time. But I bet you could get your mom and Weiss here tonight."

Nancy smiled. "I have to go make some calls, then. We have a sixteenth grandchild for Mom."

Savvy nodded. "But first, Addison how was this whole childbirth thing?"

Addison smiled. "It hurt like you wouldn't believe, even with the medication, but I'd say it was all worth it. You saw Paul."

"Yeah. I did."

Nancy pulled Derek away, giving Savvy a few moments with Addison. "Thank you for coming, Derek."

"He's dying now."

"Who?"

"The boy I was supposed to operate on today."

"No."

"Yes. And I'm fired."

Nancy winced.

"Nancy, how the hell do I tell that to Addison? She'd feel so guilty. And I can't have her feeling guilty when she just had a baby."

"Just tell her the truth, Derek."

"Now?"

Nancy nodded. "Now. Savvy and I will give you time."

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Derek approached Addison, dragging a chair to sit by her. "They're happy."

"We made it, Derek, of course they're happy."

"What do you mean, we made it?"

"If you didn't come today, Derek, I know I would've left you. I thought I was going to have to and it hurt a lot to think about."

"I knew that."

"Then why did you almost stay?"

"Because the boy is now dying, Addison, and I have no job."

Addison said nothing, she only watched Derek. He was trying to keep his face straight and free of tears.

"I walked out of that hospital and that's the last time I'll be in it for a while. Forever, maybe."

"No…" Addison breathed softly.

"Yes."

"But Derek, why didn't you operate? You killed a boy, Derek. You killed a boy."

"Because you're my family, Addison. And I'm trying to save him. I added another medication and flew in another perfectly qualified surgeon to do it tomorrow. It just might be out of time."

"No. I wouldn't have died if you weren't here."

"Addie, you're my family. My family, you and Paul are my family. I'd go miles to keep you my family. I'd follow you into a tiny trailer in the middle of nowhere where all we could eat every day was trout to keep you as my family."

"Derek, you'd like that."

"But I'd follow you anywhere. To China, Europe, Africa, anywhere. We could live horribly but I want you, Addie. I know I haven't always put you before my job but now I am, and now I want to. Now, I want you and Paul, Addison."

"But you let a boy die."

"Addison that was my choice."

"But he deserved to live."

"And he might."

"But what if he doesn't?"

"But what if he does? What if he died anyway during the surgery? What if he didn't die but as he's leaving the hospital gets hit by a car. What if, Addie? We don't know. I don't know. But I've made my choice, be it right or wrong. I chose you."

"Okay."

"I might be able to forgive myself for this boy. This surgery. But I would never, ever, be able to forgive myself for abandoning you when you needed me most. I'd never be able to forgive myself for letting my wife, who I worked so hard to win back, run away from me. I'd never forgive myself for missing the birth of my son. I love you, Addison."

"Where are you going to find work?"

"I'm not sure. I'll find it, don't worry about it."

Addison shook her head. "Derek, you're my husband. I'm allowed to worry about it."

"Then we're assuming the rule that states brand new mothers aren't allowed to worry about anything but their baby."

Addison nodded. "Fine, I won't worry about it now."

The room held a silence for a few minutes.

"We're parents, Addie."

"Parents."

"This will probably be the happiest time in our son's life."

"Come on now."

"I'm not kidding. Soon he'll be running around and tearing apart our house. Then, he'll turn into a teenager who wants nothing to do with us. Then he's gone in college doing God-knows-what and then he gets a job and seeing us becomes an obligation."

"You make it sound so sad. You seem to enjoy seeing your mother."

"Yeah. Well, I always was an oddball."

"Mr. I-can't-remember-how-many-girls-I've-dated?"

Derek smiled. "Well, I just dazzle people. You're the only one that mattered though."

"Really? Out of everyone you dated, I'm the only one? Because while you're the one that mattered the most to me, Ezra and Ben both mattered a lot to me at the specific times I was dating them. Even the one date with Skippy matters to me, even if it wasn't…the greatest. It still mattered then. All of them mattered, even if not as much as you."

"I'm so hurt." Derek faked a pout. "You know what I mean, Addison. And part of it's true. I'm into relationships and all, but for a long time, especially in college and high school with Mark as my best friend, I was just dating to get sex. I can think of a few girls who meant something to me, but a good portion of them didn't."

"So can we make point that you were not an oddball? I was, and I hate seeing my parents."

"I hope Nancy remembers to call them."

Addison looked darkly at Derek. "Why? My mother will just ask if I ran off with an 'upstanding member of society' yet. My father will congratulate and have to go to work on a case."

"That's not true. They'd be happy." Derek paused. "He'd be happy."

"I guess."

Derek looked up as the door opened. Dr. McGuire held a baby in her arms. "Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, your son is back. He's almost perfect for all of his tests, he has a slight skin condition making his skin a bit dry, but that will pass almost completely within a week."

"Okay, good."

"You have about an hour before we have to take him away for a bit more testing, but after that he'll be in your room for the duration of your stay in the hospital. You are, I believe, choosing to breast-feed, am I correct?" When Addison nodded, the doctor continued. "Okay, well, then, you'll want to feed him, and he should fall asleep.

"And I'm good, right? I mean, I don't have any problems after this birth?"

Dr. McGuire shook her head. "No, everything looks perfect. We're just keeping you here, as you know, to check on you."

"Perfect."

Addison took the baby and promised to press the call button if there were any problems. She guided her small baby's mouth to suckle her breast, jumping slightly at the feel of his mouth pulling on them.

"What's wrong, Addie?"

"Nothing. I just didn't expect this to feel so weird."

"What?"

"Breast-feeding."

Derek grinned. "You've had someone's mouth on your breast before. More than once. I seem to recall a specific time not too long ago."

Addison blushed. "You know what I mean." She watched as Paul fed for a long time. Derek didn't say anything, and neither did Addison. Everything was too perfect to be ruined with words. Addison was feeding her baby. Their child. She brushed at his face again. Derek touched his small hands. He didn't notice the tears in his eyes until Addison did.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't want this beautiful baby."

Addison was silent. "It's not…it was…I…"

"I'm so sorry, Addie. I told you we should wait for this. We shouldn't have ever waited. We waited too long anyway. I am so sorry for everything I put you through, Addison. I wish I could look at Paul and think of everything great and wonderful about the nine months, but all I can think about is how much of an ass I was."

"But you got over it."

"Yeah. Thank goodness."

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"Jesus Christ. Are you all happily married or something? Why won't you tell me a damn thing? I'm practically laying myself out on the table for you all; using my best voices and lines, and you guys are so tight-lipped." Mark stood in front of the two nurses, exhausted. He had heard Addison had had the baby and wanted to go see it. But the nurses weren't letting him up and certainly weren't telling him anything.

"The visiting hours are over, Dr. Sloan."

"I'm this guy's best friend, okay? I'm also a doctor. I'm also practically the baby's uncle. Please let me go see them. His family is here."

Nancy appeared behind him, carrying a tray of coffee. "Mackenzie, Ruth. How are you both?"

"Nancy! I'd be delightful, if it weren't for this big asshole who thinks he can break visiting laws."

Nancy turned to see Mark and laughed. "Mark, how nice to see you."

"You know this guy?"

Nancy nodded. "Sometimes it's unfortunate. But he's my brother's best friend. And Addison's too."

"So can I please come up to see my best friend and his wife, who just gave birth?"

Nancy sighed. "It's up to Mackenzie and Ruth."

"I guess if he's with you, then sure."

"Thank you." Mark walked ahead. "And remember, if either of you get tired of your ridiculously happy marriages or whatever, just give me a call. You're both too hot to go too long without sex."

Nancy slapped Mark on the arm. "You can't do that."

Mark turned to Nancy. "The offer applies for you, as well. Don't feel so left out."

"I'm perfectly fine."

"Just keep it in mind."

"Whatever." Nancy rolled her eyes. She led Mark up to the room where Emily Shepherd was cooing over Paul. Savvy and Weiss were there, as well as Laura, Noah, and Christopher.

"Addison!" Mark gave Addison a hug. "Congratulations. He's beautiful."

"Is he pretty, too, Mark?"

Mark laughed and punched Derek in the arm. "You're just lucky she let you stay and didn't divorce you."

"True, true."

"Nice to see you again, Christopher, Weiss, Savvy. Laura, Noah." He nodded in each of their directions before turning to Emily.

"And of course, my favorite surrogate mother."

"How have you been, Mark? Staying on track?" Emily's tone was strict and firm, making Mark feel cautious all over.

"Work is good. I've been dating this girl, Cheryl, for about a month now."

Emily peered down at Mark. "Have you been treating her correctly?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Nancy coughed. "In bed."

Derek and Addison laughed. Emily glared at her daughter and Nancy straightened up. Laura looked disgusted. "I'm going to go find some coffee."

"Laura, I have some right here." Nancy held out a cup to her daughter.

Laura shook her head. "I'm going to go get some coffee. Honestly, mom. You talk to me about being inappropriate."

Nancy grinned as Laura left, trying not to laugh.

"Nancy, we are celebrating the birth of Paul Timothy Shepherd. Your nephew. My grandchild."

"I'm aware. Does Paul like things serious? I can be more serious. Here. I'll be perfectly serious."

Emily Shepherd shook her head. "I think we've almost invaded enough. Or, well, I have. And Nancy, you're my ride back. So let's go. Up. Come on."

"Mark just got here, and so did Weiss."

"Are they my rides home? No. Okay. So, I want to go home, and when the old lady wants to get back into her bed, let her go. Especially if that old lady is your _mother._ I want to go home."

Emily Shepherd gently handed the baby over to Mark, and kissed Derek and Addison goodbye, promising she'd be back the following day. Nancy and her family left. Weiss turned to Savvy and they agreed they should leave too.

"Congratulations, again, Addison. And you too, Derek. You did great. We'll have to have you over for dinner in a few weeks, okay?"

"And you'll have to come over way before that, okay?"

Savvy gave her friend and hug and soon only Mark was left.

"So you two idiots made it?"

"Mark! I may be an idiot, but Addison certainly is not."

"Oh, she's an idiot in love. She can't help it." Mark grinned. "And Derek, you're just an idiot most of the time."

"Wow, what warm congratulations."

"I was never good with that stuff." Mark turned towards the bundle in his arms. "Now, Paul, is it? We have to have a chat. I know you can't hear me, but we're sleep-training you. The most important part of a woman is her clea-"

Derek gently took Paul from Mark and handed him to Addison. "Mark. Paul is less than 12 hours old and you're teaching him about cleavage. I'd prefer if he didn't know about cleavage until he was…married."

"Because you certainly didn't."

Derek smirked. "Nope, not at all. Right, Addison?"

"Oh yeah, Derek, you just were clueless. It was sad, really."

Mark laughed. "I think I told you about cleavage in the second grade, with Anna Rimer's short skirt. And the next week we learned about the most important cleavage with her low-cut top."

"Mark, we were in second grade, it couldn't have been that revealing."

"Her mother was a dancer, Derek, it was."

"I'm choosing not to remember this."

Addison laughed. "I think that was more inappropriate than Mark talking directly to Paul about cleavage."

Mark smirked. "Hah. I'll be a great uncle."

"One of the best, as always."

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Addison stood up in the middle of the night and found Derek sleeping in bed next to her. She grinned at the absurdity of this, the two of them sharing a single hospital bed, but got over it. She went over to the closest thing to a cradle the hospital offered, and peered down at Paul. She watched closely to make sure he was actually breathing. She saw his tiny chest rise and fall. Her heart exploded with joy. She had done it. She was a mother.

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**A/N: Lots and lots of happy Addek-ness. Yay. I only have one more chapter, so this is almost over and I'm going to miss it, but it's time. Anyway, review if you must. **

**Also, I have never had a baby and while I did some research to make it more accurate, it still may be wrong, but that's okay. I hope. **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: This is it! The last chapter, the final straw, the last stand. It was fun, really. I loved writing this story but I'm also sick of it in an odd way, and so I'm happily relieved this is the last one. The reviews were absolutely wonderful and I am so grateful for them. Honestly!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or the characters. They belong to Shonda. Unfortunate. **

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Paul made himself known at three in the morning on January seventh. Addison groaned.

"Derek, it's your turn."

Derek stirred. "No, Addie, it's yours. I got him last time."

"But you said that was a favor."

"Yeah, but then the schedule switches."

"It's a schedule, Derek. Stick with it."

Derek moaned and sat up. He walked over to the crib across the hallway and picked up Paul, his wisps of hair visible even in the dark. "Sh, sh, Paul, it's okay. Come on. You're okay. Are you hungry? Smelly? What's wrong?"

Paul gave no response except to keep crying, his face red. Derek gently set him down on the changing table and checked his diaper, but it was clean.

"Addie, he's hungry." Derek walked back into their room.

Addison sat up and took the baby from Derek's arms. She held him in her arms and allowed him to eat a little. Derek crawled back into bed and sat next to Addison.

"You can go back to sleep, Derek."

"But I don't want to."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Maybe I want some quiet."

"Then you could've gotten up. But now I can stay up for a bit. Besides," he said, yawning, "I don't have work to go to tomorrow."

Addison shrugged. "Nor do I."

"But you have to go back sooner than I."

"How do you know? You could find work."

"Brandon died, Addie. I'm having a hard time finding work."

"You just haven't been looking in the right places."

"Yeah, major hospitals aren't the right places to work for a surgeon."

"Derek, did you ever think about looking in a smaller, quieter, hospital? Everything doesn't have to be big and showy."

"Oh my God, three in the morning is not the time to discuss this."

"Yeah, yeah. I do some of my best work this early in the morning."

Derek smirked. "Define 'best work'."

"I mean paperwork. And in high school, homework. I wrote my final exam paper for my Senior English class at 3 in the morning the day it was due and got a 106 on it."

"Well aren't you just wonderful."

"I'm just saying; my mind is pretty damn clear at three in the morning."

"Fine. I'll look into it."

"But I'm glad you picked me, Derek. I can't imagine doing this alone."

"Well, I don't think anyone would've forgiven me. Including myself."

"You would've."

Derek took a look at Paul and smiled. "Addie, look at Paul. I wouldn't have. Missing that? Missing you in pain? Hell no, I wouldn't have."

"Then you wouldn't have."

"And most of all, I would've lost you."

"Yeah, well…"

"And Mark would've taken you up."

"But now he won't."

Derek shook his head. "There's no way he'll get the chance now. I love you too much."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N: So, I typed almost all of this off a few weeks ago and thought I'd make it long, but I can't. I physically cannot. I think I've lost the Addison and Derek of earlier in this story; they have been transported to my new one. So please forgive me for the length and the quality of this final chapter. **

**I also basically left everything unanswered, but that's okay. Not everything needs to be finished. **

**And, now, I will change the button to complete! Thanks for reading!**


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